One of my profile pictures looks like a giant umbrella hat, but unfortunately it's just a broken regular umbrella. Now that that's out of the way, you might be interested to know that by day I handle OkCupid's mobile operations, and by night I'm a consulting detective. If you didn't get that, go watch Sherlock, I'll wait here.

I like portmanteaus, like self-esteampunk. Or bromance. Know a bad joke? Excellent. Tell it to me, I can probably make it worse.

This isn't much of a summary? Maybe. I'm more interested in putting down some personality flavor into the essays though. If you want to know particulars, you've got 300 of my answers, the sidebar, and the message button. Every time you push my message button an angel gets its wings. An antiestablishmentarianistic angle, but an angel all the same.

That's a great question, thanks for asking. I'm doing a lot, by doing a little (in many places). I've been expanding my literary undertakings, both contemporary and classic. I've been trying to learn how to cook food that isn't Italian. This means slow-cooked BBQ and generous application of spices. I recently made a "restaurant wish list" of about thirty places I want to visit before I'm done with the city. There are a few Michelin stars on that list. I want to see what the big deal is. I just bought my first pair of chucks. I recently made my first trip to Beacon's closet. I'm pushing myself farther with my photography. I collected a relatively large liquor and spirit assortment, and I'm trying my hand at drink mixing.

What I'm going to do with my life
That's an even better question, but one with more etherial an answer. Eventually I hope to get rosetta stone and learn a romance language, likely French or Italian. I want to go on a tour of west coast national parks, to photograph and hike Yosemite and some slot canyons. I want to rekindle my love of camping. I want to race in the Dakar rally. I want to crash at my friends' places in Korea, Thailand, Hawaii, Texas, Seattle, California, New Zealand, and Moscow.

making life choices. Cooking french onion soup. Going the wrong way at intersections. Also cooking, photography, teaching, learning, exploring, computer junk, sprinting and relaxing.

During my commute you'll often see me reading Wired. I saw a lot of profiles mention Vonnegut, so I read Galapagos and thought it was pretty good. Anyone else think he's like Douglas Adams? I'm a fan of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Also liked The Grapes of Wrath, The BFG, The Giving Tree, The Giver, Portrait of Dorian Gray, 1984, The Great Gatsby, Design of Everyday Things. Presently I'm chewing through the Hunger Games and the Adventures of Sherlock Holmes.

My current TV habits include Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Friday Night Lights, Sherlock, Top Gear and Archer.

A very short list of all-time favorite movies: Up, because it made me cry ten minutes in, The Shawshank Redemption, the perfect movie, Forrest Gump, the epic story of our time, Dr. Strangelove, because my list needs more Kubrick and Dark Knight because it was the ultimate re-imagining.

Favorite cars: Maserati GT, Ferrari F12 Berlinetta, Infiniti G Coupe, Mazda RX-7, DeLorean.

1. A sketchpad and pen. I was taught that brainstorming happens on paper and I still believe it. I've always liked pens, I'm not into going back.

2. Friends/family/co-workers, everyone who's human has to list this, I'm no exception.

3. The Internet. It keeps me employed, entertained, informed, educated and connected.

4. Chapstick. I have all of the epidermal weathering of a puppy.

5. Memory. Everything that's really important to me is in there.

6. Restaurants. I would starve to death if I couldn't go out, not because I can't cook (I can, and enjoy it), but because i never budget enough time to do it.

Dinosaurs, and how unlikely I am to be reincarnated as one.

How the first sentence of someone's profile probably tells you everything you need to know about them. You're probably scrolling up right now, but you'll find the subject of mine is umbrella hat. This is satisfactory.

OKCupid is secretly powered by a crack team of nosy matchmaking grandmothers.

You want to learn the secrets of OkCupid. You have a soft spot for nerdy gentlemen types. You're going to give me home made cookies.