Hi. My name is Darcie. I'm a submissive vagina model. The two can only be related in theory. That means they're two completely separate things.

I recently discovered that I hate Detroit. There's no way in hell I'll be staying here. I also realized that there are a lot of people just a couple years older than me, in professional school, gettin' married, havin' babies, and bein' happy. So now I'm terrified because being a grown up is closer than ever, if it's not here already.

I used to include my aim screen name, but you are all boring.

Achieving a one hundred percent profile means way more to me than it should. So much, that I added this sentence just to earn that level of profile completeness. forty-eight characters is nothing, I swear.

I just spent 7 months of my life watching every single episode of Law and Order Special Victims Unit in order. The journey was so much more fulfilling than the accomplishment. The loss of the goal might thrust me into depression. I'm hastily considering a new television show to conquer, but I am quite picky.

I've been told I am much less dorky than my internet profiles or personality let on. I'm sorry if that means something to you. I should note that I'm not too un-dorky either.

I am here out of irony. I do a lot of things out of irony, even subconsciously.

There's a very good chance that I think you're annoying and I never want you to speak to me. There's a good chance you feel the same way. You might realize it after we talk or after you read my myspace. www.myspace.com/omgdarcie.

I encourage the senseless killing of babies and I like gay people.

I truly fail at driving. I'm just bad at it. Aside from being a bad driver I'm a cop magnet. I don't even do illegal things very often nor do I look like an illegal-thing doer. There are six-plus points on my license and I have gone to court for at least four offenses to get them changed into silly non-point things like "Impeding Traffic."

Here's my list of interests: dinosaurs, genital piercings, urban clothing brands, 1950's housewife stereo-type, going to shows, keeping my teeth clean, foreign films, human anatomy, over achieving, crocheting scarves, young men in suits, bundt cakes, Flouride, Europe, mudkipz, learning to dance, Conor Oberst, dressing up, volunteering, Mennonite culture, beards, diversity, dance dance revolution, vests, cute babies, ice cream, eating, checkerboards, smelling good, chickens

I am attending a local private university to major in Biology, hopefully followed by dental school. I'd probably floss your teeth if you let me. My backup plan is naturalpathic medicine which isn't even legal in michigan.

At my one job I play with legos, make stupid noises, and poke babies for eight hour days every weekend. I have also learned how to photograph said babies and sell the pictures of them to parents. It's fun, for a job. I like the Asian babies the best.

I have a second job as a live model for med students learning how to perform female breast and pelvic exams. It pays well.

I really like board games. I also love Uno (especially Uno Attack) and Apples to Apples. I spent most of the summer of 2006 playing Monopoly, but my current friends wouldn't play Monopoly with me if I paid them. If you want to play Monopoly with me at 4 AM I might want to meet you. Actually, due to excess offers, I probably don't want to meet you. It just seemed like something cute to say at the time.

Don't assume that because I am/was a photographer I am some awesome creative artist-type. I'm not.

My friend base has eroded. Those that remain are often too busy to hang out. Refer back to my summary where I complain about being a grown up.

Dissecting. You read that right, buster. I have so much skill with a scalpel, you wouldn't even believe.

Existing.

Making children/babies smile.

Sales, I rock a pretty high average over at my work.

Complaining about anything I can think of.

Crashing my car and getting traffic violations.

Creating and maintaining soap opera-style drama in my head.

Being far too emotional for my own good.

I'm white.

My top half is out of proportion with my bottom half. That means I have small boobs and a ghetto-fab booty. It's quite unfortunate when trying to buy dresses or swimsuits. It works to my advantage, however, when I am in the mood for urban-wear.

You might also notice that I'm inappropriately and quite accidentally yelling the word "cunt" in a voice that sounds like it's coming from a two year old.

a.) You wish I read more.

b.) I'm not going to go into many specifics but I'm a big fan of foreign movies, particularly those from Japan and Korea. Basically, the more obscure, the more I like it. This is not to be confused with anime. I hate anime.

c.) I dig rocknroll music and I could really get in on in that scene. .. You want a list don't you? No way. I really am a sucker for anything with an organ or keyboard, or better yet, a keyboard on an organ setting. I used to really like ska. I quit punk rock. I am an indie-fag with a fondness for folk music. My music tastes are never summed up well.

d.) I love ice cream. I don't eat much meat, but I'm not very sympathetic to animals. I eat peanut butter almost every day. I've taken to eating fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, Elvis style.

If you didn't catch on, I don't like to make obnoxious lists of things I like.

e.) I hate everything.

I really, really, really, wish I could do without sleep. The idea that I need to practically stop existing for eight hours a day simply to function is absurd. Hopefully, during my lifetime, a development will break involving pills or shots or patches to make sleep unnecessary, and I will never sleep again, and I will be very happy.

Well, I need people all of the time. I'm actually bad at being alone too often. Second thing I need is chapstick. If I'm ever anywhere and I notice I don't have chapstick my lips immediately start to feel chapped. Three- tea in the morning. Four- toothpaste/toothbrush. I carry them in my purse. Five- water. I rarely drink pop/soda and there's usually a water bottle in my purse too. Six is myspace.com, but I'm lying.

...My future, plans, school, stress, friends, self improvement, family, scenes, music, rainbows, boy bands, kittens, flowers, sailboats, world peace, snowflakes, ponies, zombies, s&m, serial killers, abortion, fetuses, necrophelia, etc.

I assistant teach an english act prep course to 5th grade children of Chinese immigrants Fridays at 8:30.

My hypochondria once suggested to me that getting my tonsils removed would both decrease the amount of sore throats I'd get AND enhance my oral sex abilities. The masochist in me told me that the surgery and recovery would actually be fun. I went though with it. It probably wasn't the best idea I've ever had.

...You think that, in a certain light, clubbing baby seals is really funny and you share a strong disagreement with women's suffrage.

...You're a boy walking around downtown Pittsburgh with a Hello Kitty backpack.

...You think sitting around drinking wine coolers, watching hentai for laughs, and listening to Hellogoodbye sounds almost fun.

... You have 3+ piercings that can't be seen while you're fully clothed.

...You've won a game of Street Fighter, against a stripper, using your feet. (Not applicable if the stripper was also using feet)

...You want to stay up all night playing Monopoly with me and are of the utmost confidence that you can win. Twice.

Do NOT message me if...

...Your interests include baseball.

...You have ADHD.

...You are opposed to listening to talk radio, particularly NPR.

...You have a tribal tattoo.

...You read and enjoy Stephen King.

...You scored below 25 on the ACT.

...You don't like dinosaurs.

...You're looking for an artist.