onimelman
27 Kingston, Ontario, CA
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
onimelman
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
I always try to write with a "less is more" style, and I always fail. But since this is one of the few things that's actually supposed to be all about me... Here you go.

I'm a Toronto-raised 27-year-old Kingstonian (Kingstonite?) looking for people to enable my very worst vices and character flaws. If you're a fan of bad-decision travel, liver-killing drinking nights, or cooking food that is in no way good for you, we'll probably get along just fine. I drive an absurdly uncool beige-grey 1999 Camry with ugly roof racks on it. It's super dorky, and it gets all the sexy ladies. I usually holla at them as I drive past, and they can't help but chase me down on foot.

Guys and girls would both be awesome to chill with, but just so my fellow gents know: romantically and sexually, I'm really only interested in women. Believe me, I'm certain. We might have an awesome time hanging out, but I will insist that you not send me pictures of your man-meat. I'm firm on that. Ladies, feel free to hit me up, too! Actually, ladies especially. We could have all sorts of fun getting ourselves into trouble, and depending on how well we click, we might have a few more options available to us than if you were a guy.

I LIKE:
1) Taking off on road trips at the last minute
2) Getting drunk at karaoke night and making a shameless ass of myself in front of a LOT of people. Consistently.
3) Cooking food that's delicious but incredibly bad for your long-term life plans. Also, cooking new and uncommon things.
4) Hanging around and procrastinating on reddit instead of finally organizing my apartment.
5) Blues, soul, classic rock.

I DISLIKE:
1) Routine
2) Spending time with people who are uninteresting or bigoted.
3) Alternative medicine. Don't expect it to make sense, but it's my biggest pet peeve. If you believe this means I have a bad aura, trust me: we really wouldn't get along anyway.
4) If you're an axe murderer, or dismemberer of any sort really, you're very much not my type.

So hit me up! I've been told I'm at least somewhat fun. Oh, and I have tons of respect for bitches.
What I’m doing with my life
(To be updated over the next few days when i get around to it.)

Since there's no non-douchey way to say this, I'll just get it out of the way. I'm preparing to launch my first company this February, and I'm super excited about it. However, I've got literally everything that I own invested in the venture, so I expect to spend the next little while very, deeply, comically poor. If you want a man who can take you to nice restaurants a lot and buy you awesome things, trust: that man is not me.
I’m really good at
That's-what-she-said quips.

Shakespeare elevated puns to mastery; I'm hanging my hat on this.
The first things people usually notice about me
Hubris.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books?
1) Anything by pre-derangement Hunter S Thompson,
2) David Foster Wallace. ALL his non-fiction; only his non-fiction.
3) ASOIF, total guilty pleasure.
4) Joseph Conrad every few years, when I really feel like getting broody.
5) F.Scott.
6) Twilight Saga (The best of our generation's literature. This is our time.)

Music:
1) Clapton. Clapton is God.
2) Buddy Guy, B.B. King
3) Stevie Ray Vaughan, Jimi
4) The Allman Brothers' Band
5) Ruthie Foster.
6) Drum-soloing on my steering wheel in gridlock traffic.

Food:
1) This one you'll actually have to ask me yourself.
The six things I could never do without
Good drinks,
Good food,
Good sex,
Good travel,
Good jokes,
A good nap now and then.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
See above.
On a typical Friday night I am
Getting down on Friday.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I take the occasional side job as a model for a life drawing art group.
You should message me if
Yous a shorty wit sumtin 2 say. Even if you don't, really. Just ramble.

What I want in a woman:
1) Confidence. I love being around people who can keep my dumb shit in line.

2) Wit. If you have me laughing, I'm embarrassingly weak to your charms.

3) Good looks and good sexual chemistry. Look, this is okcupid. If we're not both equally attracted to each other, we may still have awesome times hanging out.

4) Ambitions. It could be corporate law or early childhood education, but I want to surround myself with people who plan to move forward and do something they love.

5) Weird. I'm as weird as they come. You should be too.

6) Musical talent or a great singing voice. I have neither of these things, which makes me a huge hypocrite for finding them incredibly attractive.
More