I am frustrated with what I see pretty much every time I log onto OK Cupid.
Be honest with yourself. And read the whole thing.
I’ve been using online dating for 3+ yrs now. I met someone on match in 2010 just after the separation. We dated for 8 months. I completely messed it up. I started dating too early. There was a lot of stress in dividing debt and assets and in making sure everything was fair. And the stress I was thrown into, was passed on to my girlfriend. She'd already been divorced for three years. So, she moved on. I moved on. Of course, I learned from it.
Back to the Point:
It wasn’t until in the last few months that I put my finger on the fundamental flaw of online dating..
The problem isn’t online dating. The problem is what it allows users to do. There are no honesty or accuracy filters, at all. I've spent literally thousands of dollars meeting girls to find that they are not much like their profile, at all. Whether intellectually, physically, light-heartedness, or a bunch of things. It's like the girls have a wish list of what they wish they were and then claim it true on their profile. Buzz kills to the max.
Back to the problem.
Two factors contribute to your approach to finding Mr. Amazing.
The two factors are
- what you think u offer to a prospective guy (looks, laughs, loves, etc.) and
- what u believe the prospective guy MUST offer to you.
It's the intentional mismatching of these factors that causes all online problems!
Do you think that the chicks on this site have the self-awareness and personal integrity necessary to match the two factors?
Can a person who is by any objective account a 4 go online, set up a "4" profile and expect to have any responses when all the other girls are claiming to be 7, 8, 9, and 10?
In my opinion, No. And that is the problem. 4's set up a profile, claiming to be a 6 AND at the same try to attract a 7. And it just doesn't work.
I recently came across pictures of me from the past. Undergrad pics; grad school pics; and pics from when I first moved to DC and used to go to Dewey Beach.
I graduated from Wharton Business School with an MBA. I had absolutely no problem finding girls. I had a bad azz motorcycle. I had a cool car. I lived in a house with two fun guys, two cute girls and we partied all the time. I played softball, flag football, golf. etc.
So, I’m looking at these pictures…And….it hit me.
I have been thinking of myself as a similar version of the guy in the picture. It was soooo easy to get girls for me then. And now I find myself very frustrated. I mean, some of the qualities are even better, yes. I do well financially. I still tan well in the summer. I am still athletic and play sports all the time. But, c’mon.
The guy in the picture is pretty much gone forever.
This APPLIES TO YOU, YOUNG LADY!
So, your todo is as follows.
Be realistic about what you ACTUALLY look like. Be honest about "you." This is not a wish list website. There are actual lonely people here looking for happiness.
This is not hard!
You have a smart phone. Snap a RIGHT NOW pic and post it.
Be realistic about what you can attract. Understand, that the natural order of the world is that a 5 should be with a 5.
I met a girl at a bar in Woodbridge. She weighed at least 15lbs more than ANY pic on the profile. And she had a bunch of moles on her face. This is not about whether or not moles are attractive. The point is that in the profile, no moles are visible in any picture. And she claimed to be fun but was soooo not!
It’s about expectations and honesty. You are what you will be when I shake your hand.
So….why not be you, from the first pic on your profile?