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onomatopoesis

37 M Portland, OR

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 8:34pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Diet
Smokes
Trying to quit
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Never
Religion
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Sign
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Other
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Arabic (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Establishing Shot:

[Outer Space” zooming in on planet Earth, passing random space debris, satellites, the space shuttle (let's just pretend that those still exist) finally passing through clouds and ending in...]

Narrator

In a world...where personal essays are becoming more and more “important”
 
Our Hero
Grad school applications, job applications, dating sites...

Narrator
One man is about to make an amazing discovery that could alter the course of his life...and yours.

[...closeup of our hero, slightly overweight, a little shaggy, probably making a stupid face.]

Our Hero
I just can't be bothered!

Narrator
But will Our Hero's radical plan actually work? I mean seriously, what kind of twit refers to himself as “Our Hero”?

Our Hero
OI! Statler and Waldorf! That's enough from the peanut gallery up there. Just read the damn narration.
 
Narrator
From the creative genius that brought you "There's Something About Mary Tyler Moore,"and "Chupacabra The Musical" comes this years most uncompromisingly awkward attempt at making human contact since Woody Allen's "What's Up Tiger Lilly" 

Our Hero
I heard he made that film to impress a woman. Or maybe I just made that up?

 Narrator
You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wonder why you're still reading this.

Our Hero
Yeah, I gotta' say, I'm pretty surprised myself.

Narrator
Meryl Streep IS, Justin Timberlake AS, John Boehner IN...

Our Hero
Can I buy you a drink?

 
What I’m doing with my life
I pay my bills by being loosely in charge of some very lovely people in a pretty miserable place. Equal parts cooking, laughing, and swearing. I do this thing, which involves waking up at ungodly hours of the morning, so that my nights are free to work in the theatre and generally stay up too late too often. I'm a dramartuge for a brand new and exciting theatre company in town, and that takes up a lot of my time. I also write, take photos, record myself making funny noises, and a whole bevvy of other creative projects that I would probably have a better chance of finishing if I had someone that I really wanted to impress.
I’m really good at
Thinking way too much. Taking ideas to the weird place in order to blow minds or, more often, to induce hilarity...at least in my mind. Being comfortably over dressed. Funny things said in funny voices. And I have been told I excel at cooking, hugs, and taking care of my friends...but one does not like to boast.
The first things people usually notice about me
I tend to absolutely SHOCK people by wearing a tie AND a vest at the same time! Other than that I don't really know. I'd like to think that it's my special blend of charisma and pure-sexy, because that would mean that all of those nights that I spent lying awake in bed worrying that I was a charisma/pure-sexy-free-environ, were for naught, and that I really just didn't know what those words mean when used in relation to me.
Or to put it another way:

I have no idea. We should meet and then you can tell me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Favorite authors include: Saki, Wodehouse, Douglas Adams, Pratchett, Lovecraft, Martin Mcdonagh, Hunter S Thompson, William S Burroughs, Stephen Fry, Jasper Fforde, more to come.

Films: Wings of desire, The Host, The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy (the original BBC not that American crap) Seven Psychopaths, and others that I can't think of right now, but that when remembered, will make me seem much less like a garden variety North American man-boy.

Music: Tom Waits, PJ Harvey, Nick Cave, The Kills, Nina Simone, early Tina Turner, Koko Taylor, Most things Mike Patton, The first three Brian Eno albums, Frank Zappa, Mirah, Sonic Youth, Steel Pole Bath Tub, once again...how the list goes on.

Food: pretty much all of it.
The six things I could never do without
Today's list includes:

Absurdity, Self-Deprecating Humor, Theatre, Science to blow my mind, A Universe that might include Monsters, Words.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The balancing point between absurdity and verisimilitude. Theoretical physics. Which came first; the monster or the hero? That feeling that you get when you really try and picture the physically impossible/incomprehensible. Creative projects and why I can't seem to stop OVER thinking them. If I've thought something, or if I actually said it out loud, and if the former; why did I think it in a funny German accent? Why do I insist on this slap-dash use of the semicolon?

Update: Why did I let my friend rewrite my OKCupid profile, and why did I wait so long to change all of it back?
On a typical Friday night I am
Trying to ignore the fact that it's my Thursday. It's one of the ways I endeavor to fulfill my regular mantra "don't let work win."
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm terrified of dancing. Well of ME dancing. Other people dancing is ironically one of my favorite things to photograph.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 25–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
...it comes up tails.
...the dregs in the bottom of your cup seem to be telling you to.
...the power of (Noun) compels you.
...you want to get me really drunk and take me dancing. I'm all about self improvement. Are you woman enough?!?
...you're tired of fucking around with this dance of self-evaluation and self-imposed awkwardness that comprises this whole dating thing.
...you want to make out in the back row during a really bad movie, because damn it, it's fun!
...you want to.