Being a fat geek has it's own perks. For example, people don't ask you to help them lift heavy items very often, which is always a plus. However, they do ask embarrassing questions like "Hey, do you want to eat the rest of the pie?" And while the answer is invariable "Hell yes I do!" it's still unfortunate that that's the first place they go. That being said, my interests do not just lie in the decadence of pie; I also enjoy cake.

These words are here to fill out my requirements to push my word count up to 1000 so i can get 100% on my profile. I'm just wandering if I'll get an ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: OK CUPID PRO or something. Probably not. Lorem Ipsum dolor sit amet. Cavecteteur mon duon fro mor es. Fi doke mon rigue dof mor. Ank morpork fidelis fet. Boba Solo tatooine cloud city bob dole.

I am ridiculous, esoteric, and funky fresh

Man, I thought "Hey, Jeremy, you should update your OK Cupid Profile. It's about 2 years out of date!" To which I internally replied "Don't tell me what to do!". I tried to reason with myself. "Tell them about your job." "No," I responded, "that's boring. No one will care if I tell them I'm a web-developer for a social-media company based in San Francisco."
"I suppose you have a point," I said. "Well, what about if you write about your hobbies."
"I dunno, " I conjectured, "I think perhaps telling people I like to play my ukulele and make youtube videos of my singing might be a little weird. Perhaps, -you- should tell them about your propensity to sit in a dark room with headphones on and write flash games and iPhone apps?"
"No way! That's way too nerdy."
I sighed, "Then perhaps I should say nothing."
"Yes. Perhaps. Oh, and don't write this conversation out, you'll look quite daft!"

Sometimes, I suppose I should take my own advice.

I'm really good at biding my time. I'll prove my point or get my way not by being relentless, but by planting seeds and softly mentioning them on occasion. I'm also good at waiting until the right moment to say or do a thing.

Friends also say I'm fairly good at telling stories or re-telling real world events with a bit of theatrics.

I dunno. A lot of people love my hair, so I'll put that there?

As you get to see me in different settings, you'll see that I'm really quiet and awkward in large groups of people, but in small groups of people, I tend to enjoy being the center of attention. I'm a good conversationalist and I enjoy witty word-play.

[MAJOR UPDATE]
Ugh, my old version of this was -terrible-. I've grown quite a bit in the past but I guess some of these are still true?

Favorite books:
I've read the collected works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, H.P. Lovecraft, Orson Scott Card, and Neal Stephenson. I'm not entirely sure that I should be proud of all of those. Neal Stephenson is a terrible writer. He always has interesting plot lines and neat characters, but he always fucks it up in the end. Orson Scott Card has stopped writing for his fans and started writing to propagate his religion. HP Lovecraft is still fantastic, if not a bit pretentious with all of his aberrations of the English Literature. But, I think that's why I still like him.

[UPDATE] I should add to this that I've enjoyed every piece of Neil Gaiman I've read. I'm enjoying George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones. I've enjoyed Terry Pratchett's work quite a bit. Sarah Vowell and David Sedaris hold special places in my heart.

I guess the thing should be called Favorite Authors, as I tend to enjoy the styles of authors more than the stories in their books.

Favorite Movies:
Anything by Wes Anderson, Tarantino, or the Coen Brothers, and the Apatow crew films.

[UPDATE] Again, this should be Favorite Directors. I'd like to think I've changed, but the truth is, I haven't. I simply adore every film by every director on this list. The truth of the matter is that I like Writer/Directors (much like people like Singer/Songwriters). I like seeing a film being taken from inception to fruition all while having a single vision in mind.

I've also really enjoyed every Sidney Lumet Film I've seen (12 Angry Men, Network, Dog Day Afternoon). I can talk about film forever. I like watching new films, as long as they aren't soul crushing.

Oh, I guess I should add anything by Aaron Sorkin on here. I've seen all of his television shows and all of his movies. I love the way his characters speak and interact with each other. He's absolutely one of my favorites.

Music:
The Beatles, White Stripes, Wreckless Eric, Sigur Ros, Weezer.. This list goes on forever.

[UPDATE] haha wow. ok. yeah, I guess I still like everything on that list (John Lennon has my heart forever), but really now... let's take a closer look. White Stripes? Yeah. Jack White is my boyfriend and I'm super upset I never got to see them live. Wreckless Eric? I dunno. I guess. I mean.. whatever. Sigur Ros? Only on the occasional mushroom trip I guess. Weezer? What? No. Hurley was terrible. Stop trying to be so self important, Rivers.

New things added to this list:
Neutral Milk Hotel. Mates of State. Beirut. Sleigh Bells. Kanye West. Black Star. Fugees. Animal Collective. Arcade Fire. Geographer. Bon Iver. Childish Gambino. The Flaming Lips. Langhorne Slim. MGMT. Modest Mouse. Vampire Weekend. Radiohead. Tom Waits. The Walkmen. The Villagers. Wavves.

Food:
I tend to cook at home quite a bit. I love fresh food prepared correctly. Alton Brown is my hero. Things I cannot Abide By: Fast Food. Battered & Deep Fried Foods. (do french fries count? Because honeslty I'm will fucking ruin a pile of french fries.). Things I love: Basically every style of Asian cooking. I love Traditional Mexican food but I'll spring for some Tex-Mex as well. I also like Baja-style Mexican food. Sandwiches are my first love.

[UPDATE]
Oh man, I completely forgot about TV.
MY favorite show of all time is Aaron Sorkin's Sports Night, followed closely by the first 4 seasons of The West Wing. Justified is my favorite currently running non-comedy show. For comedies, I really love Community with Parks and Rec coming up a close second. I also never miss an episode of Always Sunny. I loved Stella and I'm currently making my way through Arrested Development.

My secret tv program I watch and hate that I love it is: America's Got Talent.

My iPhone. Can I put that twice? Ok. My iPhone. I'm basically lost with out it.

I love having an internet connection, without it, I feel disconnected.

A shower. Seriously, I shower at least once a day, twice if I feel like it. Three times if the situation calls for it.

Having something to do. If I've got no task, I go crazy.

Last one: Uhhh... I dunno... my friends? I mean, that's kinda hokey, but they really mean a lot to me.

This used to have some really corny answer about philosophy and theology. Welp, guess that's not the case anymore. I spend a lot time thinking about The Next Big Thing: the project I'm gonna work on next. Problem is, I'll think and think and think about it, but never actually do it.

Not even gonna be shy about this: I think about sex a lot. LIke... A Lot. You know those Star Trek nerds who know everything about the warp-core drive of the Enterprise? Yeah, I'm kinda like that, except replace "the Enterprise" with "people" and "warp-core drive" with "genitals".

God. I'm such a nerd.

Friday Night? I'm probably out seeing a new movie in theatres or hanging out with friends at a bar. I don't tend to drink a lot, if any at all, so I'm usually DD. I'm ok with this.

Some friday nights though, I'll stay at home and catch up on all the TV I've missed.

I'm a self-hating nerd.

you have a funny or witty comment; if you like Aaron Sorkin as much as I do; if you want me to tell you a story about the time I caused a kid to run face first into the side of a van.

You know what? Just message me. I'll respond.