Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy

oxymandias101

21 M Spring, TX

My Details

Last Online
Jul 23
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White, Other
Height
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Sign
Pisces, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Working on university
Job
Other
Income
$20,000–$30,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), German (Okay), Latin (Poorly), French (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Good Thoughts. Good Words. Good Deeds.

Welcome to the profile! My name's Kelton and I'm on here to meet interesting, fun individuals who have stories to share! To give the shortest self summary I can: I work at a local upscale Bistro to pay for college and my apartment. Oh! And I'm also a standup comedian who's an ESFP.

Want to see what my personality is like off of a dating website? Here's a link to my Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Kelton.Fassbender

Want you know more? Ask Away!
Or keep reading. This is a "pick your own adventure" moment.
What I’m doing with my life
Eat. Sleep. Rave. Repeat.

Well when I was younger, I wanted to be an ice cream tycoon who owned a zoo in space, but then reality set in and that dream went away from me like a lonesome sparrow... or an African swallow.

In terms of a career, I'm planning on opening up a little Coffee Cafe and Hookah Lounge in the Old Town Spring area soon and then balancing school and that endeavor. Wish me luck!

My hobbies include grilling, thrifting, chess, sports watching, poker, bowling, lock-picking, survival, darts, billiards, meditation, traveling, movie watching, and camping.

When I'm not working or focusing on a project like writing sitcom pilots, creating YouTube channels, or volunteering at the Menil Collection, I enjoy going to concerts at the House of Blues, being with friends at Market Square Park or the Discovery Green, checking out Rothko Chapel, or studying at the Jung center.
I’m really good at
- Comedy! (I Hope)
I maaaaaay just have the personality to make some magic happen and have you actually *want* to hangout with me. One can only hope, eh?

- Making Connections
For some odd reason, my brain just absorbs anything trivia-related, sorts it out, and then lets me spit out this weird combination of information which makes me appear way more knowledgeable than I actually am on more than a few topics :p

- Working
*insert information about how I'm so hard working and never procrastinate* ... *wait for you to get the meta humor* ... *you're welcome*

- Making Lists
Truth be told, I couldn't think of a another thing. After getting to know me better, please recommend me something to put! haha
The first things people usually notice about me
1. My sense of humor.
It's been described as "Comedy on Crack" which is funny. I guess. If life crippling addictions make you laugh I mean o.O But I have also been compared to being a "cartoon character IRL" simply because of what I say and how I react.

2. My facial hair.
Without it, I would look like a giant cherub, but with it I appear to have 300% more testosterone and increased cognitive abilities. Clean shaven, I feel like I'm 12 but with facial hair people think I'm 25 or older :p

3. My physical size.
For some odd reason, people always feel a need to mention how tall and broad I am then expect me to act surprised by this. I know what I am (the immovable object) and am more than willing to have you climb me like a tree if the situation arises (pun intended) :p
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books:
Metamorphoses by Ovid,
Hamlet by Sir William Shakespeare,
Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol,
The Book of Job by Unknown, and
I, Lucifer by Glen Duncan
NOTE: Read "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" by Douglas Adams. You won't regret it!

Movies:
Thank You for Smoking,
300,
The Hangover, and
Don Jon
NOTE: An immediate conversation topic with me is "how good are Disney animated musicals??"

TV Shows:
Breaking Bad / Dexter,
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia,
How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM),
Archer,
Arrested Development, and
SuperFlyState (Supernatural, Firefly, and Blue Mountain State)
NOTE: Want a great way to get a humorous slant on the news? The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are great places to start :)

Music:
Linkin Park,
Showtek,
Kayne West, and
Stone Sour
NOTE: If you don't like Queen, then you're a despicable human being (jk but seriously... you are). Disagree? Message me!

Food:
Steak! (Medium-Rare)
Pizza! (Meat Lovers)
Steak! (Medium)
Meatloaf! (MY Recipe for it! Its much better than ANY meatloaf you have ever had. And that's not even me overselling it.)
Chicken Alfredo!
NOTE: No notes here, but thanks for checking! :p
The six things I could never do without
1. Humor
". . . because it sure beats hanging yourself!" ™ hehe

2. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
(Find out what it means to me, TCB)

3. Love
Because that's what the world needs now. It's love, sweet love. That's the kind of thing that there's too little of.

4. Friends
We all need somebody to lean on. And dear reader, please know that if you've made it this far down my profile, you've got a friend in me :D although odds are you won't take me up on that offer :p lol

5. Mottos
I like "Eat, Drink, and be Merry, for Tomorrow We Die." It encourages me to live life to the fullest and seize the day! "Carpe Diem."

6. My Projects!
I love being a busy body and constantly learning new things! Its exhilarating. When I die, I want to look back and smile saying "no regrets! I lived the way someone ought to have lived!"
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Where I went wrong in life... After all, how hard could it be to become an ice cream tycoon in space who owns a zoo?? :p

But in actuality, I always am thinking of what my next project is going to be. There is always something new out there!

Additionally, I find myself completely enamored with Pop Culture and I regrettably define myself as a "geek" since I am into SO SO SO many tv shows, movies, youtube channels, and bands.

UPDATE: I've recently become involved in the EDM community and its pretty fascinating! I encourage everyone to check it out. PLUR and all that fun stuff, y'all :p
On a typical Friday night I am
out with the two best friends that anyone could have, carousing the town and falling into whatever shenanigans might befall our little trio of rapscallions.

I never make plans for Fridays because random epicness seems to befall me: My little group has discovered underground bum fights, tent concerts with indie bands, outdoor neon giant chess underneath some overpasses, and a 1930s gatsby-inspired speakeasy. I have some stories to share!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
"In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins is my Jam, the Hookah-Smoking Caterpillar from "Alice in Wonderland" is my Spirit Animal, and I secretly enjoy Pop 40 Hits WAY more than I ought to :p

Oh! And every once in a blue moon I will write a poem on a thoroughly absurd topic. I never show these to anyone, but I like to look back on what I've written over the years and laugh and laugh and laugh.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–27
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You're a huge Pop Culture Geek! I know that I am, so it would be nice to finally chat with someone who has some shared interests on a variety of topics.
...
You want a relationship like Marshall and Lily on HIMYM
...
Or you think that Leo was ROBBED of an Oscar win this year :p