striving not to be unhappy, living with lots of pillows and bikes and cats, working in a field for which i am so obviously overqualified - and sucking at it (i can't for the life of me make a perfect espresso two times in a row!), addicted to my email, books, antidepressants, music player, beauty sleep, baking, occasional whining. heartbroken and disillusioned on several levels, in absolute love with my friends, a little bit too atheist sometimes while flirting with astrology, wannabe scientist and superhero witch or wizard, fanatic genderqueer, planning to disappear behind my hair some day, or under a pile of perfect diamonds, sushi enthusiast, stray cat feeder, meat-eater with new feelings of guilt towards the planet with every yummy bite, unsure what to think about love or other key elements of life, muchly to moderately against having a child while being curious about birthing, easily impressed with a good plot, very unsure about own attitude towards sex, tired 70% of the time. generally a weird mix of lame and awesome, but leaning towards awesome. all shall love me and despair!

i like languages, coffee, indian dancing (though i don't dance anymore), knitting and crochet, embroidery as well. lots and lots of pillows and blankets, banana muffins, your mom, warsaw, walks in the city, colorful things, long car rides in the passenger seat (especially at night), maths and science, dirty jokes, long hair, more muffins and carrot cake, happy and obedient bullterriers, rain, finland, money, blue jeans and weird art. and and and. and i can't wait for diablo 3.

recently i'm also muchly into gym and building my biceps. i will conquer earth, roaaar!

this is the time to stress that i am in fact genderqueer (as mentioned in the first paragraph), which means i felt positively forced to choose my birth sex to mark this profile with. it by no means implies that i identify as a woman. nor a man. i'm gender neutral and since it's been said, i will consider anyone refering to me as a "woman" ignorant (or a failure at reading comprehension). not like it's a very bad thing. it's just rather off-putting. also, if what you're looking for is femininity, look some place else.

http://www.last.fm/user/paiv/ (i'm rarely listening to music on my computer, but that's a sample of my tastes)
http://paivansade.livejournal.com/profile (my LJ's friends only, but if you happen to have one, too, you can let me know)
http://paivansade.deviantart.com/ (i don't *really* like painting, but i still do it sometimes)

i'm back at the university after a year of hesitating whether i should come back or not, trying to finish writing and re-writing my thesis while working for a coffee franchise-but-not-franchise and earning ridiculously little while living a high profile life. nesting in my new favouritest room ever, knitting gay things, teaching the cat not to pee outside the litter box, plotting new tattoos while trying to figure out when what and where.

i have no time for anything!!! i suck at staying in touch with people online and offline if i'm not actually stalked and nudged, cause i can hardly find the time to pee sometimes! hahah. that does NOT make me proud, cause i hardly get anything done anyway.

Editors

• littlemoiz

washing dishes.
baking oatmeal cookies.
pretending i know stuff better than i in fact do.
learning new stuff while pretending i knew it all along.
taking care of small babies even though i dislike them; applies to many other things i dislike.
procrastinating.
being nice and looking like i give a fuck in front of my customers. (i do in fact give a fuck about my coffeeshop customers, they're the best part of my job even when i'm barely standing - but looking like it is a real challenge sometimes.)

i'm also rather good at being super cute. says my friend who read my profile. that's... good, right?

i believe i have pretty good tastes and i can make any space cosy. i like making myself feel at home. just give me a while to bring in the pillow-artillery and move some furniture around, it'll rock! ;>

hair, i hope. HAIR!

i'm into Margaret Atwood recently, but i like just about half the books i read, and i aim to read at least 50 books per year - that's one per week for ya numerically challenged. (been lazy about that recently, though - NO TIME!)
there are few movies i dislike, too.
i've become a NIN addict over the past few years and same applies to Frou Frou and Imogen Heap, more recently. Sia! Esthero! Mitsoura! i've decided many years ago to be a fan for life of Nick Cave, Bjork and HIM, even though the last one kinda dropped out from the game, replaced by Hanson, yes, that's right.
food? gimme! like - RIGHT NOW!

why the hell six?

oh, i know! BSG! caprica six! ...ok, i'm gonna have to do without it soon, so lemme see...

1. food and water
2. oxygen
3. personal freedom
4. sleep
5. sunlight
6. other people (hell is other people!)

just about everything, my brain's a mess.

doing the same as on any other night - i work shifts and i can't tell weekdays apart on many occasions. i just hang out at home and rest, or meet someone, or take a walk, or go to a movie, or do something in the kitchen, or clean, or sleep, or read, or... i'm the quiet type. my idea of a fun evening may differ from the mainstream.

in the past months i've stayed away from alcohol and parties and dancing and all those usual types of "fun" unless with *really* close friends, and that makes me feel good. for meeting people i prefer quiet cafes or walks in the city. i guess i'm getting old. but then i guess i was always old at heart.

i admit that i'm rather introverted. there. chew on it.

you're not scared of me. cause i'm frightening. like a lambchop.

no, really, i'm a quite worthwhile human. so if you have the patience to nudge me and make me stay in touch and steal the scrapes of my time i have to give away, go ahead. i hardly know anyone more friendly and giving and devoted to friends. but i also hardly know anyone more brokenhearted and detached from all lovelike emotions, so i'm not much of a love match for the next two-three years or so. until, if ever, i get over all my crap.