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35 F Saint Paul, MN

My Details

Last Online
Jan 17, 2009
5′ 5″ (1.65m)
Body Type
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Gemini, but it doesn’t matter
Dropped out of university
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Has kids
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), C++ (Poorly), Sign Language (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
NEWEST: You know that part in The Last Unicorn when Molly is first approached by the unicorn, but instead of being a lovely young virgin at the time (as she expected), Molly is a middle-aged hag shacking up with some dude in the woods who regards her as a convenient, somewhat amusing source of rat stew? She's crazy disappointed and pissed. Not at the unicorn, but at the *timing* of it all.

As I pensively approach the big-3-wtf-is-it-here-already?-oh, I am painfully aware that my unicorn is probably going to show up at the most inopportune fucking time. By then I will *have* 5 cats, a smothering mortgage, 2 adult children who only call for guilt or holidays, hips that could birth the Red Army, an acute fear of change... and no use for unicorns.

Top that melodrama in the first 2 paragraphs of your self-summary and I will personally buy you a bottle of Wild Turkey.


Let's cut the shit: I make PC games, erotic PC games, and I spend a vast majority of my waking hours in front of my computer.

I wasn't always like this. I used to be one of the sunshine people; a glowing vortex of love and song. I was the cinnabon-scented warmth that babies and kittens warmed their arses by in the cold Narnian winter of MODERN LIVING. Then I got addicted to Civilization II, and it all kinda went to hell.

I am sardonic, flippant, and gimcrack
What I’m doing with my life
Nothing. I had to break it off a while ago. My life had "issues" and I had a few other lives I wanted to know better. You know how that goes.

Sometimes we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch... and sometimes she kisses me, but it's just on the cheek. I guess it's cool, we're still friends.
I’m really good at
starfucking and gish. But seriously, I am a soap whittler by vocation so I make a badass Irish Spring reindeer.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm a pandabot. People want my pandastuff. They have their reasons.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
a)The Last Unicorn, Peter S Beagle, walls and walls of game design, game art, traditional art, digital art, programming, software development, project management, small business, animation, interactive fiction, and erotica books b)Edward Scissorhands, Rushmore, Harold and Maude, Adaptation, Ghost World, My Own Private Idaho, Pecker, Punch Drunk Love, Clerks, Office Space, Heathers, anything from John Waters or Tim Burton, anything with zombies, Shatner, Andy Dick, or a midget laughing maniacally at a camel for at least 10 solid minutes c)The Afghan Whigs, waaaaay too many more to name but Dulli joints are an enduring favorite (and the only live show I'll fly out of state to see multiple times on the same tour), I like a huge variety of music but tend toward guitar-driven rock, singer-songwriter genres, chiptunes/old game music, and nostalgiac punk/metal/newwave stuff from the 80s/90s c)Lo-Carb Monster, sushi, Jimmy John's #10 with hot peppers, sloe gin, Wild Turkey, pickles and olives
The six things I could never do without
web forms, caps lock, passive aggression, unrequited love, and another six things * infinity! (how clever am I?)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
no time to think... instinctual, like MONKEY. Hya! Monkey fist!
On a typical Friday night I am

playing canasta with my dad, enjoying a tepid Pabst and sweet, buttery corn on ice. Also, I pick up the phone about once a week to make sure it's still in service, and sometimes that falls on a Friday night.

Then I dress up in my high school prom dress, the dyed-to-match teal satin pumps and a golden tiara, and I poison myself with Bacardi Breezers, and fistfuls of random prescription meds, and I lie, head at the bottom step, one leg over a planter full of withered Easter lilies, on my ghetto stoop, until the neighbors call the cops, again. Wait, no, that's Saturday nights.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit

I wept bitterly three times during AI.

I am deeply disturbed that I'm The Windowshopper on the Okcupid test (update: 3 years ago I *was* a Windowshopper but as of 8/5/07 I have evolved into a Wild Rose, meaning I am the same swishy romantic unicorn-fluffer but now I will CUT YOU if you muss my pastel sweater set). Actually, it makes sense that your dating persona would change as you grow increasingly bitter, saggy, and fantastically obsessed with imported cheeses. I think I'll ultimately end up with a Man-Child test result (very difficult with the whole female thing going on). And fuck whoever changed the okc test graphics. The original Man-Child illustration was one of the single funniest images I've ever seen. Forever will his mustachioed cherubic visage skip through flaming pools of gin in the little Roadhouse in my soul.

I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 24–56
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends
You should message me if
you like drinking and walking around. That's about all I'm into. And if you've ever looked at an electronic wheelchair and noticed the brand name: Jazzy, then you considered the marketing thought process that lead to this brand image (it had a jazzy aqua squiggle shape and lettering vaguely similar to the KDWB logo). Then you decided your brand of electric wheelchair would be called Dumptruck. You realized you would sell zero units but giggled uncontrollably to yourself (because you couldn't say anything out loud... I mean the wheelchair was like,*right there*). If this has happened to you, we need to talk.

****What is this 'Activity Partners' about? Sex Partners covers the quick lube service. So what the christ is an activity partner for? Arts and crafts? Minigolf? Improv? D&D? Whatever it is, I'm on it. I want it. BAD. Write me with an abstract for your proposed activites for which I may partner with you.

****To take advantage of OKC's new interest matching feature I've added some crucial keywords (and by crucial I don't mean important so much as totally radd): death by kitten, exorcism leotard, Somewhere Out There (Feivel's Song), rued the day, menstrual celebration, and alcohological syntax. Ooop, almost forgot Turing Test failures.