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34 Riverside, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21-35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
May 29, 2013
5' 9" (1.75m)
Body Type
Average build
Might want kids
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I live by two main quotes:

- “When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!” - Cave Johnson

“For me, I am driven by two main philosophies: know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you.” - Neil Degrasse Tyson

Like any other straight male, I enjoy: long walks on the beach, zombies, candle-lit dinners, the chocolate at the bottom of a Drumstick, puppies(seriously, puppies), video games, cuddling, beer, peanut butter, ultra violence, and anything with a lot of bass.

TL;DR - I am motherfucking awesomesauce.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Forwarding my career and becoming a gym rat.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
In no particular order:
- Pissing people off
- Sarcasm
- Cooking
- Playing guitar - aka making metal
- Cussing
- Impressions of my favorite cartoon characters(my Skwisgaar rules)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I can give Adam Corrolla a run for his money when it comes to bitching and complaining about things?

That sometimes my sarcasm is so dry that said target is left wondering if I was being serious or not?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
There's too much to list so i'll just cover the basics here:

My favorite kinds of books are autobiographies.
My favorite kinds of movies are comedy / action / dramedy.
My favorite kinds of music are rock, alternative, metal... but I do love other types of music too.
My favorite kinds of food are Mexican, American and Japanese.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Red Bull or Monster Energy
2) Beer
3) Foreman Grill
4) Nutrients
5) Jokes
6) Technology things aka - electricals.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
If people could read minds, and two people were reading each others minds... wouldn't they be reading their own minds?

If a vampire bites a zombie will it turn into a zombie or the will the zombie turn into a vampire?

If alcohol is a depressant, why is it called happy hour?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Typical? I dunno. I try to be out and about somewhere like a comedy club, show, podcast taping or a sushi bar. Sometimes I stay home and watch things.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Trust me, there is NOTHING private about my life. Everything is funny to me and I don't mind putting it out there.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are Natalie Portman.

If you aren't Natalie Portman but want to:
- watch Archer
- go hiking
- check out a live show of sorts(music, comedy, podcast or otherwise)
- discover new restaurants
- talk about things we've read on reddit
- do things of similar ilk; Hit me up!