To describe myself in a nutshell (unless you are allergic to nuts): I’m a basic nice guy; sarcastic, witty, creative and athletic. I can be a little shy and slow to act some times, but I’m working on that. I like to have fun, but I will be serious about the right things. If I don’t smile in photos I don’t think I look good with a smile, but I do laugh and smile often.
If the rest of my profile gets a little sappy I pre-apologize.
I’ll list of some of the hobbies and things I like and spend my free time on because we all like to compare taste in movies and music and books and food, etc. but I think it’s important to describe what is important to me. BEWARE: Some of what I’ve written will get a little sappy.
These are important to me:
ATTRACTION: There’s got to be an initial attraction as well as on-going attraction. In the long run, it’s sort of the least important item, but it’s usually that first thing that catches your attention. If anything is going to work I believe it’s got to be mutual. I think in some cases if you get to know someone beyond the surface, you can suddenly find yourself attracted to someone you may not have been before. Personality can go a long way, but most people bail before giving personality a chance (I’m guilty of that too).
I usually start by looking more closely at people who I feel attracted to, but if the rest of the profile is empty or just not in line with what I’m looking for I’ll move on.
VALUES: I am who I am and believe what I believe and at this point it’s just better to be with someone who shares that. Too often I’ve just made exceptions in this category in an effort to “be more open” but ultimately I never felt like my real self with someone who doesn’t believe the same things I do. I always felt a little . . . compromised, if that makes sense or adjusting myself so I could get along with another person. It’s too exhausting. I go to church so unless someone is willing to go with me or support that I do, it’s probably not a good idea. Stating that cuts me off from a lot of people, I realize or puts me in a position to debate or justify myself but oh well.
SENSE OF HUMOR: I think this is really key. If you can’t be sarcastic, tease each other and get each other’s jokes it’s gonna be a struggle.
COMMON INTERESTS: This is important but it’s also not that important. As much as I’d love to find someone who loves movies/TV as much as I do, loves comic books with a passion and likes working out, going running and generally being active I think it all boils down to being open. I enjoy being exposed to new things and sharing in things that other people enjoy just as much as I do trying to share my favorite movies and things with others.
VULNERABILITY: This doesn’t happen right away, but every dating scenario I’ve been in hits that wall and either you feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable around the other person or you don’t and that’s usually the make or break moment. If you can push past that emotional wall and just expose yourself emotionally with all your insecurities and fears and worries and issues and the other person accepts all that, then it is love. It’s like one of the trust exercises where you fall back and hopefully the other person catches you. I think I’ve only gotten to that level once and it feels great to be unburdened and accepted, but it’s tough getting to that point and then of course allowing it to happen.
I put vulnerability last because I feel like you always start dating putting your best foot forward, trying not to turn someone off until they become accustomed to you, like you to some degree and want to see what will grow. Then it’s the do or die moment. Some people equate sex with this and I think those are two different things and if you though sex up with the attraction and make that a deal-breaker or a condition then you are ignoring all the other more important things. If you don’t share any of the more substantial things and are left to fall back on attraction and sex those both seem hollow and empty (at least to me) and as a result sex would be empty and unfulfilling.