alright so apparently I am now dating a guy from this website who does not even live in the same state as me and every one of you rock and roll faggots can just lay the hell off

$$UPDATE$$ he has written a country hit entitled "Kiss My Kisses Goodbye" and I dare even one of you gaywads to look him in the eye as if you are a man, in the manner that he is a man

I did this thing when I was four, five, and six where my favorite number was my corresponding age. Halfway through six I realized what was going on and, staring down at my own shaking hands which were covered in blood, I decided it was time to cut the bullshit. "Six is the best number," I said, "and that is IT"

I defend that statement to this day - not just because I decided to - but because kids straight know things I will never know. However, I do realize that I spend a lot of time alone, and I realize that is how accidents happen.

sun gods, for example

anyway, I write to you from beyond the grave

making it fine, at long last, for spiders to use the computer. look

::(

you're not LOOKING, looook

$$NEW$$ pigs too, look :(:)(

haiku

(Will you marry me
These past few weeks have been... HEY
I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE)

admiring batman. you know, girl stuff

My deep, seductively monotone film-noir voice. It beckons them: Care to make that a combo? Only $1.99.

If you are a man of lewd intentions, the first thing you will notice is that the thunderous right hook of iwasalion has dislodged not only your jaw, but the metaphysical tethers which keep you anchored to the corporeal world -- soon you will come to understand that you've been sent to a kind of terror-dimension, where there exists naught but the misery inflicted upon you by the restless spirits of iwasalion's ancestors

they will never again know peace, and neither will you

Editors

• iwasalion

(a) Something Happened, The Stranger, American Psycho, A Good Man Is Hard To Find. BAMS. As far as literature goes, you can read whatever you want, but if you don't deeply empathize with 99% of all antagonists you come across, you're going to have to excuse me while I go throw up. Sorry, but we have been through this with too many people

(b) Sunshine, Planet of the Apes, O Brother Where Art Thou. Pretty much everything the Coen Brothers ever did. Any first-season episode of The Twilight Zone. Guys and Dolls if I am alone and I have been drinking, which I have

(c) I am currently attempting to come out of a two year phase of nearly exclusively black, folk, and viking metal. In the past, before I pledged to Odin, I enjoyed various wholesome delights such as Leonard Cohen, David Bowie, Sam Cooke, minor key blues, and what I can only assume was 30's and 40's pop music. I am trying this out again but mostly I am lost. This is a difficult time for me.*

(d) ghost trains

I dearly love milk -- so much so that I also find it in myself to dearly love milk substitutes. Soy milk, rice milk, almond milk, etcetera. Kind of like how I enjoy Metallica, and then every other kind of music.

Check it out: I need two things.

1. Birds looking all around with their mouths open as if they are surprised
2. Other people, hanging out, laughing at the aforementioned as it is the ultimate natural joke

crabby old men who consider it Disrespectful if you have not seen Rocky (I am a nice young lady so I have definitely seen Rocky)

Trying to slip sexy exciting phrases such as "erstwhile lovers" and "never the twain shall meet" into casual group conversation as either

1. a secret signal to potential associates
2. a means to an end!

If I am alone, I am probably jumping rope to Metallica albums that might not have been made in the past twenty years, but then again might have been. Probably, also, there are rubber bands connecting my bottom teeth to my top teeth. My life is literally awesome

One time during a three hour flight I listened to nothing but ABBA's Super Trouper on repeat while taking a good hard look at my god damn life and now I am a better person

you're a tall drink of water with a devil may care attitude and a visible bionic body part

you have your own set of high-end toy guns and you would like to run into a library, shooting them, screaming THIS IS A LIBRARY

you wrote all the music for Sonic 2 and you would like to ask me to marry you. Please do not message me if you have written the music for Sonic 2 and you do not want to marry me; I have already far exceeded my heartbreak quota for this lifetime thank you