I have had lots of experiences that I think are central to understanding my personality but I don't think this is the appropriate place to share them. I'm returning to the area after an extended retreat to my hometown of Baltimore. Anyone from the area knows the difference an hour can make. If you're curious, feel free to ask me about them.
In the meantime, here's a story.
When I was sixteen, I worked at the Baltimore Zoo. One day I was assigned to work the cash register at the pizza stand. The pizza stand was adjacent to the tiger exhibit. The tiger was an iconic curmudgeon of the Baltimore Zoo, infamous for peeing on visitors who got too close to his cage. That day I witnessed a family of visitors get hit by the tiger's prolific stream of pee for the first and last time. It is still the best day of my life.
And that, sir, is the way I'd like to present myself. A little ridiculous, but harmless. My name's Teaira, btw and yes, I talk like this irl, unless, I'm drunk. Then I sound like a hoodrat or a bimbo. We've all been there.