Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
What is with everyone dressing up like that feminist "we can do it"
poster and posting it as one of their pictures? Did you guys all
coordinate on that or something? It's confusing.
Women keep saying that they want a good sense of humor,
unfortunately mine has several warrants and trips old people who go
walk in the mall before the stores open.
So I've noticed a couple things recently. I'll never be happy with
anyone that couldn't be described as "awesome," "exceptional," or
"Megan Fox." Wait, how many things was that? Anyway, I am better at
watching Netflix than you, even if you listed it under the things
you are good at.
I am one or more of the following: intelligent, funny,
good-looking, batman, always right(you'lll see it and it'll annoy
you), a horrible swimmer, other stuff probably, and most of all
modest. Perhaps even the MOST modest. I also refuse to prove any of
these things. Ever.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Destroying it with a cocktail of liquor, hard drugs, and whale
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Playing tennis, shuffling cards, being mean to kittens. Thinking up
plausible excuses as to why I didn't text you back involving my
Also I'm very good at sex. I am, in fact, the second best I've ever
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
You'd really probably have to tell me. Really, tell me, I'll make a
(Disclaimer: I will not actually make a pie chart).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Harry Potter, A Song of Ice and Fire are my favorites. Most of the
time when I pick up a new book I'm just disappointed and I'll leave
it at that. I enjoy shows, music, and food too, they're ok.
"This opera is as lousy as it is brilliant!" - Robot Devil
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Probably other things. Also , I could do without all of the
previous things, especially the first one.
Kung Fu movies.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
If energy cannot be created or destroyed....well I'm made of
energy. So when I die I guess I DO become the grass, and the
antelope eat the grass in the Great Circle of Life. In conclusion,
antelopes are now my archenemies and are just waiting for me to die
so they can eat me.
Masculism. (Apparently I didn't make that word up, I thought I had
for the few seconds that preceded my first Google search on
I wonder if it makes me narcissistic that my profile on a dating
website was written for my own amusement rather than constructed in
a way to actually attract people?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
In jail, or as I like to call it, at home.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I refuse to admit the most private thing that I'm willing to admit.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I guess you could try, but you may not like me. Or I may not like
you. Or I might ignore your message for too long and it will
slightly hurt your feelings, so you will send another, meaner
message about how you don't like me. Even if you actually do. And
the "friends" thing on my profile isn't code for "sex friends,"
real friends are cool I hear. Though sending a friendly message to
a woman on here that I'm not even interested in often seems to get
a reaction similar to if I tried to touch her breasts. Also, I'd
rather you didn't message me to tell me how Chuck Palahniuk is
Jesus/Unicorns/Chocolate Fondue and demanding to know why I don't
like him. I know reading those books makes you feel edgy, and
you're upset that I don't seem to get the same feeling you get from
reading him and then watching something about teen vampire romance,
but leave me alone.(This last part makes less sense after I took
out the part in my profile about how much I hate Chuck Palahniuk's
writing. But rest assured that I still hate him.)
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.