I'm sure there is nothing like a God, but I'm also equally sure it has a stupendous sense of humor.
The shiny thing the camera is pointed at is, inevitably, quite boring. What lies in the periphery and beyond is less so, but will always disappoint with its insistence on the importance of the center of the frame. It is this tension that gives rise to all meaning, between the emptiness of the subject and the subjugation of any context to that emptiness.
If the above sounds like utter gobbledygook to you, or if you're the type who dismisses philosophy because it "asks questions it can't answer" you should probably just stop reading now.
None of this means you need to read philosophy, or even have heard of any of the philosophers I adore. What it does mean is that you need to have not found a little ledge and convinced yourself it's the world far and wide. Even better if you're falling down the rabbit hole and content with the notion that there really is no bottom.
If I was smart I'd delete all of the nothing-everything above the previous paragraph and start there, but even to be friends you need to understand how I see the world.
The past and future are not dead trophies to be skinned, staked out to dry, and then hung in your living room to show your friends. They live as you do, yours but not like your own mind, stuck in the same ruts, leaping into the same unknowns.
Every choice creates one universe and destroys an infinite possible universes. That is the glory of free will and the intellectual failure if determinism.
There is nothing to be gained from longing for any one of those infinite universes that we lost once, but that everyone must do so sometimes; those lost universes can carry pieces of yourself away, and you are right to to mourn their loss.
Knowing who you are is having the courage to watch parts of yourself you once valued and treasured slip away, and carry on with no guarantee that you didn't just lose the best part of yourself.