Good love-making takes time. It requires learning subtleties of expression and sensitivity. It requires a million kinds of sensory exploration and the dedication to study everything one finds -- every tremor, every sigh, every sidelong glance -- without prejudice or preconceived notion. More than anything else, it requires probing a lover's mind and opening the closed doors inside. Good love-making is a science and an art; a process and a goal; and it's the only kind I ever want to pursue. I'd rather be celibate than compromise that standard. I've been living the consequence of that preference since I moved to this coastline ... and, well, that's why I'm here on OKC.
I am a graduate student at Stanford University. I don't think I deserve to be here, but I'm doing my best to earn my place. I did my undergrad at a small school in New England, and I worked in that region for four years before coming out here in September 2010.
I grew up without money, so I know that money is not necessary for happiness. Since the beginning of my professional life, I have never been without money, and I will likely never lack it from here on out. That said, I do not define myself as a person of means. I have given away at least a quarter of all that I have ever earned. I live with as few possessions as possible. I shop at second-hand stores. The things that I really value cannot be purchased.
Historically, I've had an unfortunate attraction to lesbians. Real ones, not the fake lipstick-kind you see on the internet. Independence, self-confidence, and personal strength are qualities I find hugely attractive in women, and lesbians tend to have those things in spades. All but my first two girlfriends have had at least some level of attraction to their own gender. It can be nice to have certain things in common with somebody you're seeing....
If there is such a thing as a male feminist, I am one of them. If not, then I am a feminist ally. Sexism disgusts me on a very deep level. I tend to have difficulty developing friendships with men because of the continued pervasiveness of male chauvinism in our culture. For one thing (of many), I believe that the concept of chivalry is an insult to women. "Let me do for you what you obviously can't do for yourself." Disgusting. That said, I'm not rude. I will open this door for you if you open the next one for me. If you pick up the check today, I'll get the one tomorrow. Fairness, equality, in all things.
One of my close blood relatives is a fundamentalist Baptist. Another is Wiccan. Others in my family are Catholic and Jewish, and many are deeply entrenched in their respective beliefs. All my life, I have had to tiptoe around religious topics simply for the sake of preserving family harmony and not estranging myself from those who I have no choice but to love. When it comes to those for whom I do have that choice, however, I feel no compulsion to equivocate. I am an atheist. Love comes from within, not from above. Death will be the end, which is exactly why today is very, very important.
I do want children some day. I am not intentionally looking for their mother right now.
I have performed as an actor in something on the order of three dozen shows on the college, community, and professional levels. Some of them were musicals, some Shakespeare; some good, some bad. It's a hobby, and a fun way to exercise the half of my brain that goes mostly unused during the average working day.
At times in the past, I have engaged in multiple simultaneous open relationships. This is not by any means to say that I am not (or have ever been not) looking for love or commitment. I most certainly am. It is simply that, in my personal history, neither sex nor love have absolutely necessitated exclusivity.