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47 Hilo, HI Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 32–50
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Oct 4
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
5' 9" (1.76m)
Body Type
Not at all
Has kids
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I won't open doors for you. Nor will I pull out your chair or come to your house bearing flowers (you won't come to my house because there's no way I'm telling you where I live). When the food arrives be careful, I eat aggressively and ward off plate invaders with a sharp fork. Oh, and I chew with my mouth open and get pieces of food stuck in my chest hair.

If we go to a movie it better be funny or have a lot of explosions. Don't expect me to put my arm around you for two hours either. You can put your arm on my leg, but make sure not to touch the open sores on my thigh or I might react violently. Romance? Forget it. I expect action right away...serious action. Possibly right in the theater.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Waiting for my monthly government check and watching People's Court on YouTube.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Using duct tape. Peeing.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The intense unblinking vacant stare.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Winnie the Pooh. The Satanic Bible. Lawrence Welk. Deep fried noni poppers with fresh raccoon entrails. The Cranberries.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Women who do my laundry
Hats with propellors
Anti-Tourette's medication
A shirt I can wear for two weeks in a row
Will Ferrell pillowcases and matching boxers
My prosthetic arms, legs, fingers, and tongue
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Boobs. Thundercat cartoons. What happens to the picture on the silly putty (from the newspaper) when you fold it back together. If those growths are something I should be worried about.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Watching Dr. Who marathons in a velour bathrobe while powering down banana chips. Sometimes I invite over the derelict next door for some paper football and we lip-sync Rush songs and make crank calls to nursing homes.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've never once had a sensual massage. I went 5 or 6 times but it was always a damn guy working.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You haven't got a date this weekend. And you like to rub feet and serve me fruit. Oh, and you're prepared to do my laundry. You should really like to serve me fruit and do laundry. In your underwear. Ok, 1, 2, 3...let the emails begin.