Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


37 M Toronto, Ontario, CA

My Details

Last Online
Aug 18
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and likes cats

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Looking back, nostalgia is my only regret.


On the alt dating site
the women's profiles pithily pronounce,
feminist or fuck off
and must love animals

Many of them list Bukowski
among the authors they admire
in the box for books

In my summary I say
I like funny stories and mysteries
about writers

Joyce loved his lover's farts;
Did Joyce start fights that Hemingway finished?
Did Hemingway ever meet Orwell?
Or was his gas too earnest?
Was it because his mother dressed him up in pigtails?

I wrote many clever things
to many clever profiles
responding with categorical

One said that
What I'm Doing With My Life
was "chipping away at the old ego"
and I thought that so clever -
so clever I sent her my Id

Another gave me a surge
(her screen name
highlighting her redheadedness)
with this wire:
"Well, I'm more into Jung
than Freud." She was
making reference to my message,
which touted a T-shirt
made for a friend:
"Freud Loves MILFs,"
But with a heart symbol instead of love.
A shirt, a joke, of which I was proud,
until she peeled it like a carrot,
adding, "And Hemingway's a red flag."

I was so joyed to have a response
from this impish candy, I replied:
"Yes, that is me: pompous, didactic, arrogant
via compensating for something,
so pick you up at 8 pm on Friday?"

"Can you take a hint, Hemingway?"

"Hemingway could, but your man Bukowski
beat his wife and wrote cheerily about rape,
as if it was just horses dying at the race track;
See, he was too much of a Nice Guy for virtual dating."


This poem is dedicated to Eric, who had this experience his first week on OKcupid. These relationship people become single and they forget what it's like out here. Godspeed.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Writing in my soul ledger

Working at Vandelay Industries

Making fantasies come true

spanking ideas
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
making people choke on their laughter




mercurial speech

story telling

solving the riddles of why particular people act the way they do
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That my charisma masks madness...very well
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The Necocracy Distopian Trilogy: Kim Jong-Un, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Il-Sung

Milan Kundera; Dorothy Parker; Beckett; Houellbeq; Beauvoir; Foucault; My Mom (The Guilt Emails); Dostoyevsky; Orwell; Auster; Wilde; Quine; Saul Bellow; Arendt; Wittgenstein.

Mike Leigh; Lars Von Trier; Woody; Jon Stewart

The Talking Heads, Peaches, The Deadly Snakes, Louis Armstrong; Leonard Cohen
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Me and five mirrors
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Mass delusion, psychology, how I can't follow rules, existentialist literature, reason, ethics, institutions. Why a woman holding a child has to get all the way to the back of the streetcar, to me, before someone offers her a seat. How people can't debate an issue without accusing their opponent of some sort of thought crime or moral affliction, and how disagreement has become dirty.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Fantasizing about giving a tour of the contemporary world to a famous person from history. "So, you see, Mr. Hitler, this is called a computer. Let's google you and see how much the world appreciated your work. I warn you now, you may see some things said about you that aren't flattering. No, not just about the mustache."
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have no privacy instinct.
I am an information whore.
I am a regular whore.
Whores, really.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–45
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are, possess or can manage two or more of the following:
1. You are synesthete-nympho with a sharp tongue that tastes my sounds with zeal.
9. You don't use "like" as like a modifier.
2. You are smart enough to know my summary poem is not anti-feminist, merely anti-twit.
7. You are actually interested in interesting things, like cosmology, philosophy, literature, history, mocking immoral consumer trends.
12. You understand that the standards of conversation today are in serious need of rehabilitation.
3. And, well, gosh, you are capable of intimacy with someone other than yourself.
4. You are weird enough to be attracted to me.
5. You noticed the numbering is out of whack in this list.
6. You have multifaceted sexual interests: you kinky
8. You are funny. Funny is so hot. Although I notice what other sentient beings find funny is usually not what I find funny. So, maybe if you aren't funny, I will find you hilarious.
10. You think Maya Angelou is a barfy poet
11. You made it to the end of this.
13. You find this profile funny.