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39 Montreal, Quebec, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Today – 9:58am
White, Other
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Not at all
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am widely considered to be the master of the single entendre.

Large mammal, 6'2 - 200 lbs; eats bamboo shoots and pizza; powerful hind quarters. Part pack mule, other parts unknown.

I am moving back and forth between Toronto and Montreal a lot these days quite a bit.

My beliefs are very important to me:

I believe in jazz hands & spirit fingers.

I wish every day was Halloween, and I often behave as if it is.

I don't want to time travel, I want to bring time to me.

Looking back, nostalgia is my only regret.

I grew up in a wood shop in the Junction area in Toronto; I've lived most of my adult life in Parkdale, now I am staying in Mile End/Plateau area a lot in Montreal a lot. I work from home, hence my geographic flexibility.

Yes, the wood shop thing is true.

My Dad used to say, "Don't burn your bridges." So I started napalming them.

Then I burned down his wood shop.

I hate the smell of sawdust in the morning, or any other time of day.

I know, you LOVE the smell of sawdust, but you didn't have to live in it.

Is this too dark?

I am naturally contrarian (inside my head), and I am quietly annoyed by cliches. But maybe it's a blessing in disguise!

Seriously, I'm not always serious.

I am willing to meet people just to have fun. And I've met a lot of people on here who were very fun and up for a good time, but I am also looking for a relationship if the right person comes across my radar. But not just with anyone who fits my application requirements, we have to have chemistry, too: we should both have carbon, oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen. Or it's just not going to work if one of us is not human.

Now I feel guilty about my chauvinistic, human-centric xenophobia as expressed above. Sorry, I'm only human.

I am anti-stalker.

I think jealousy is kinky. And that's the only use I have for that emotion.

I actually don't have application requirements (I lied). I get along with most people who are engaged mentally. Looking for someone who wants to tell me insightful things, not about what happened on the Bachelorette. You can enjoy that show, but just know I won't because it makes me feel dirty. But man, how did she not pick Ari!

It would be great if I meet someone who realizes that I am by far the most modest person in the entire world. Gets irony. Likes analyzing creative ideas using reason, realizing that they function together in spite of what that mollycoddled limp-dick Wordsworth says (just kidding, Wordsworh is cool, just not much of a critic). It would be nice if this someone is passionate about narrative art (in the broad sense) and/or ideas. I withdraw from people who have unresolved anger problems that get dumped on others. However, I don't mind introspective, unresolved existential anxiety; that's worldly and sexy, and I suspect those who scoff at it have small souls. There, I said it.

I don't really know many people in Montreal except for a 90 yr old relative I visit frequently. I didn't make her acquaintance until well into my adulthood. She is one of the most interesting people I've ever met, and a far more interesting conversationalist than the people I generally meet who are younger. And most people are younger than her.

Most of the women's profiles I read seem to talk a lot about how active and busy they are. I'm mildly active and sometimes busy, but I'm prone to lounging with a book. If you require someone who runs from the gym to the office to night school and only slows slightly to gulp down a Kale shake, then I'm not for you. You can be like that, but just know I don't drink kale. Although since I came here at the beginning of May I've started running to the top of the mountain, so maybe I should start drinking kale.

Favourite inspirational quote: "My dad was a workaholic, you mentioned work and he got drunk." ~ Rodney Dangerfield
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
writing in my soul ledger

spanking ideas

working on wording

reading self-righteous and boring dating profiles


bicycle riding

sculpting my ego

eating in bed

poking fun at cliches



using my unquiet mind for good, but never evil...unless...


lying about exercise

OK I was lying, I do exercise
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Writing insane messages to gals on OKcupid, to narrow down who appreciates my sense of humour

reading body language

opening jars



Teaching you the mansplaining

reading and writing words

feeling sorry for the most despised people

Arguing (mostly with myself)


mercurial speech


story telling

sniffing out lies

using ice cream metaphors to describe genitalia

telling the truth even when I don't want to
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
my sparkle

or my big lips
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.

Stinky CHEESEcake

Pizza (with CHEESE)

Most foods with cheese or stink in them

I always spell CHEESE in caps

I only drink Brawndo - it's got what plants crave (electrolytes)

There is a restaurant on Ossington in Toronto that named a poutine after me. When they told me this all I said was, "Does this mean I can have it for free?"

Lately I'm reading a lot of books by women with female, first-person narrators. Secretly I am hoping this will help me understand women. I guess it's not a secret now. Just read Men by Julia Kipnis, hilarious and insightful essays on male folly.

Felisberto Hernandez, Beauvoir, Anne Sexton, Milan Kundera, Amy Hemple, Byron, Orwell, Michel Houellebecq, Julie Hecht, The Guilt Emails (By my Mom), Dostoyevsky, Paul Auster, Quine, Saul Bellow, Arendt, Wittgenstein, Lynne Trusse, Spinoza, Ian McEwan, Will Self, Marx (Groucho and his brothers Karl and Engels - actually my favourite Marx is probably Patricia who writes for the New Yorker), Jorge Luis Borges, Umberto Eco (especially his essays), Sartre, Dorothy Parker; Scrooge McDuck comics.

I like reading literary essays by great fiction writers about other great fiction writers. Here's an example. Tolstoy wrote abusively of Shakespeare, Orwell wrote harshly of Tolstoy's writings on Shakespeare (and Auden) in another essay; Rushdie attacked this essay by Orwell, which was attacking Tolstoy attacking Shakespeare.

NYT Review of Books

I have the movie poster for Happiness over my sleigh bed,
makes for joyful tobogganing

The Secretary
Annie Hall
Glengarry Glenross
Apocalypse Now
The Affliction

& most movies by these directors: Mike Leigh, Lars Von Trier, Woody, Ken Loach, Charlie Kaufman; Cohen brothers; David Lynch. Kitschy action-sci-fi (ie., Paul Verhoven)

TV, I must admit I don't invest much in, except for the news satire shows, which I heart. Plus The Wire & the Prime Suspect with Helen Mirren. Curb your enthusiasm.

The Clash, The Talking Heads, The Deadly Snakes, Gordon Lightfoot, Louis Armstrong, Iggy Pop, Leonard Cohen, Etta James, James Brown, Nick Cave, Nirvana, Lou Reed, Glenn Miller, Miles Davis, Etta James, Jelly Roll Morton, Kid Ory. Classical music.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
my girthy book collection



(if you are rule obsessed, multiply the above list by 2)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
desire & fantasy as the driving reality of existence

constructs that are leveraged as facts





doing it

The influence of madness on art
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Fantasizing about giving a tour of the contemporary world to a famous literary person from history. "So, you see, George, everything you predicted came true...Do you prefer I call you Eric?"

Eric: "The North part of Korea has become a necocracy? Why didn't I think of that? It's Bigger Bigger Bigger Brother!"


Playing poker with my friends when I get a chance. If you judge me for this be sure you don't be bluffing in a glass house.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am a romantic who rarely exhibits symptoms

I think chivalry is dead and good riddance; I have no desire to be paid to take a woman from her father, even though dowries can be quite lucrative. But I am willing to open doors and carry heavy objects and throw my coat over a puddle.

I am not at all a private person. I won't always volunteer private info, but ask me something personal and I will probably just blurt it out without thinking.

I have no shame.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You want to have a snow ball fight.

You want to flirt.

You want to call people out for their macho delusions.

You don't think the role of discourse is shaming people who are willing to take the time to politely disagree with you.

You think a date should be fun. (Please don't ask me what my "goals" are. I will likely say, "to go on a date that's not like a job interview." And I don't want to be rude).

You only lie when you're joking.

You want to ride bicycles and crunch the leaves with your tires.

You want to go to a used book store.

You want to spend an entire day just eating everything in St. Lawrence Market/Atwater Market/Jean-Talon Market/Kensington Market.

You are considerate and are aware of people and how they function as more than an extension of yourself.

You don't think this profile is obnoxious, although that's probably a fair comment.