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37 M Toronto, Ontario, CA

My Details

Last Online
Aug 25
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Art / Music / Writing
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and likes cats

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Looking back, nostalgia is my only regret.


On the alt dating site
the profiles pithily pronounce,
fuck off
and must love animals

Many of them list Bukowski
among the authors they admire
in the box for books

In my summary I say
I like funny stories and mysteries
about swell writers

Joyce loved his lover's farts:
Did Joyce start fights that Hemingway finished?
Did Hemingway ever meet Orwell?
Or was his gas too earnest?
Was it because his mother dressed him up in pigtails?

I wrote many clever things
to many clever profiles
responding with categorical

One said that
What I'm Doing With My Life
was "chipping away at the old ego"
and I thought that so clever -
so clever I sent her my Id
in an IM

Another gave me a surge
(her screen name
highlighting her fiery head)
with this wire:
"Well, I'm more into Jung
than Freud." She was
making reference to my message,
"Freud Loves MILFs,"
but then she peeled my cucumber,
adding, "And Hemingway's a red flag."

"Can you take a hint, Hemingway?"

"Hemingway could, but your man
Bukowski liked to bet on dead horses."


This poem is dedicated to the survivors of OKcupid. Lest me never forget our fallen comrades. Godspeed.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
- Writing in my soul ledger

- Working at Judecca in Cocytus for Gigantomachy a subsidiary of The Underworld: Suite 9, Circle 4. You want to talk about an ice challenge? We're up to our neck in that shit up in 'ere.

- Making fantasies come true

- spanking ideas
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.

feeling sorry for pedophiles


mercurial speech

story telling

solving riddles I created

using ice cream similes to describe genitals
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That my charisma masks madness well.
No, sorry, that's the last thing.
The first thing is my sparkle.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The Necocracy Distopian Trilogy: Kim Jong-Un, Kim Jong-Il, Kim Il-Sung

Milan Kundera; Dorothy Parker; Beckett; Houellbecq; Beauvoir; Foucault; The Guilt Emails (By my Mom); Dostoyevsky; Orwell; Auster; Wilde; Quine; Saul Bellow; Arendt; Wittgenstein; Kafka; Lynne Trusse; Spinoza; Koszinski; Ian McEwan; Will Self.

Mike Leigh; Lars Von Trier; Woody; Jon Stewart

The Talking Heads, Peaches, The Deadly Snakes, Louis Armstrong; Leonard Cohen; The Smiths; Nick Cave; Nirvana; Lou Reed.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Me and five mirrors
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Mass delusions
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Fantasizing about giving a tour of the contemporary world to a famous person from history. "So, you see, Mr. Hitler, this is called a computer. Let's google you and see how much the world appreciated your work. I warn you now, you may see some things said about you that aren't flattering. No, not just about the mustache."
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have no privacy instinct.
I am an information whore.
I am a regular whore.
Whores, really.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–45
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are, possess or can manage two or more of the following:
1. You are synesthete-nympho with a sharp tongue that tastes sounds with zeal.
9. You don't use "like" as like a modifier in every sentence.
2. You are smart enough to know my summary poem is like not anti-feminist, but merely oppressive.
7. You are actually interested in interesting things, like cosmology, philosophy, literature, history, mocking immoral consumer trends.
12. You understand that the standards of conversation today are in serious need of rehabilitation. unless I am talking.
14. You are capable of empathy, although if you aren't you probably don't know it, so ignore this one.
4. You are weird enough to be amused by some of this.
5. You noticed the numbering is out of whack in this list and that "weird" here is a euphemism for clever.
6. You have multifaceted sexual interests: polymorphous perverse, kinky, in need of stamina stallion.
8. You are funny. Funny is so hot. Although I notice what other sentient beings find funny is usually not what I find funny. So, maybe if you aren't funny, I will find you hilarious.
10. You think Maya Angelou is a barfy poet.
11. You made it to the end of this.
3. You can spot anachronisms in historical fiction (Flintstones don't count).
13. You noticed that this profile smells like dumpling bums.