I am widely considered to be the master of the single entendre.
Physical description: Large mammal, 6'2 - 200 lbs; eats bamboo shoots and pizza; powerful hind quarters. Part pack mule, part polar bear, other parts unknown.
I am looking to meet people who are either fun or intellectual/introspective and aren't too aloof to laugh.
My beliefs are very important to me:
I believe in jazz hands & spirit fingers.
I wish every day was Halloween, and I often behave as if it is. (See profile pics).
I don't want to time travel, I want to bring time to me.
Looking back, nostalgia is my only regret.
I grew up in a wood shop in the Junction area in Toronto; I've lived most of my adult life in Parkdale, now I am going back and forth from Toronto to Mile End/Plateau area in Montreal a lot. I work from home, hence my geographic flexibility. Was just on Manitoulin Island for a while.
Yes, the wood shop thing is true.
My Dad used to say, "Don't burn your bridges." So I started napalming them.
Then I burned down his wood shop.
I hate the smell of sawdust in the morning, or any other time of day.
I know, you LOVE the smell of sawdust, but you didn't have to live in it.
Is this too dark?
I am naturally contrarian (inside my head), and I am quietly annoyed by cliches. But maybe it's a blessing in disguise!
Seriously, I'm not always serious.
Not only am I pro choice, I often tell my friends having children, it's never too late!
I am willing to meet people just to have fun. And I've met a lot of people on here who were very fun and up for a good time, but I am also looking for a relationship if the right person comes across my radar. But not just with anyone who fits my application requirements, we have to have chemistry, too: we should both have carbon, oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen. Or it's just not going to work if one of us is not human.
Now I feel guilty about my chauvinistic, human-centric xenophobia as expressed above. Sorry, I'm only human.
I am anti-stalker.
I think jealousy is kinky. And that's the only use I have for that emotion.
It would be great if I meet someone who realizes that I am by far the most modest person in the entire world. Gets irony. Likes analyzing creative ideas using reason, realizing that they function together in spite of what that mollycoddled limp-dick Wordsworth says (just kidding, Wordsworth, you're cool). It would be nice if this someone is passionate about narrative art (in the broad sense) and/or ideas. I withdraw from people who have unresolved anger problems that get dumped on others. However, I don't mind introspective, unresolved existential anxiety; that's worldly and sexy, and I suspect those who scoff at it have small souls. There, I said it.
Most of the women's profiles I read seem to talk a lot about how active and busy they are. I'm mildly active and sometimes busy, but I'm prone to lounging with a book. If you require someone who runs from the gym to the office to night school and only slows slightly to gulp down a Kale shake, then I'm not for you. You can be like that, but just know I don't drink kale.
working on wording
reading self-righteous and boring dating profiles
sculpting my ego
eating in bed
poking fun at cliches
using my unquiet mind for good, but never evil...unless...
lying about exercise
OK I was lying, I do exercise
reading body language
Teaching you the mansplaining
reading and writing words
feeling sorry for the most despised people
Arguing (mostly with myself)
sniffing out lies
using ice cream metaphors to describe genitalia
telling the truth even when I don't want to
Pizza (with CHEESE)
Most foods with CHEESE or stink in them
I always spell CHEESE in caps
Fruit that is %30 thawed, %70 frozen
I only drink Brawndo - it's got what plants crave (electrolytes)
There is a restaurant on Ossington in Toronto that named a poutine after me. When they told me this all I said was, "Does this mean I can have it for free?"
Lately I'm reading a lot of books by women with female, first-person narrators. Secretly I am hoping this will help me understand women. I guess it's not a secret now. Just read Men by Julia Kipnis, hilarious and insightful essays on male folly.
Felisberto Hernandez, Beauvoir, Anne Sexton, Milan Kundera, Amy Hemple, Byron, Orwell, Michel Houellebecq, Julie Hecht, The Guilt Emails (By my Mom), Dostoyevsky, Paul Auster, Quine, Saul Bellow, Arendt, Wittgenstein, Lynne Trusse, Spinoza, Ian McEwan, Will Self, Marx (Groucho and his brothers Karl and Engels - actually my favourite Marx is probably Patricia who writes for the New Yorker), Jorge Luis Borges, Umberto Eco (especially his essays), Sartre, Dorothy Parker; Scrooge McDuck comics.
I like reading literary essays by great fiction writers about other great fiction writers. Here's an example. Tolstoy wrote abusively of Shakespeare, Orwell wrote harshly of Tolstoy's writings on Shakespeare (and Auden) in another essay; Rushdie attacked this essay by Orwell, which was attacking Tolstoy attacking Shakespeare.
NY Review of Books
I have the movie poster for Happiness over my sleigh bed,
makes for joyful tobogganing
Synechdoche, New York
The Big Lebowski
Pretty In Pink
Land & Freedom
Patti Smith, The Clash, The Talking Heads, The Deadly Snakes, Gordon Lightfoot, Louis Armstrong, Iggy Pop, Leonard Cohen, Etta James, James Brown, Nick Cave, Nirvana, Lou Reed, Glenn Miller, Miles Davis, Etta James, Jelly Roll Morton, Kid Ory. Classical music.
constructs that are leveraged as facts
The influence of madness on art
What if people had liked Hitler's paintings more before he decided to get into politics?
Eric/George: "The North part of Korea has become a necocracy? Why didn't I think of that? It's Bigger Bigger Bigger Brother!"
You want to flirt.
You want to call people out for their macho delusions.
You don't think the role of discourse is shaming people who are willing to take the time to politely disagree with you.
Your major conversational topics are not the same as everyone else female that I meet (yoga, dietary habits).
You think a date should be fun. (Please don't ask me what my "goals" are. I will likely say, "to go on a date that's not like a job interview." And I don't want to be rude).
You only lie when you're joking.
You want to ride bicycles and crunch the leaves with your tires.
You want to go to a used book store.
You want to spend an entire day just eating everything in St. Lawrence Market/Atwater Market/Jean-Talon Market/Kensington Market.
You are considerate and are aware of people and how they function as more than an extension of yourself.
You don't think this profile is obnoxious, although that's probably a fair comment.