I really shouldn't be telling you this but Chuck Norris actually has a pair of Jesse He#n#^ underwear. I sh*t you not, I signed them myself. I lost a piece of hay in a pile of needles once and found it, with out drawing blood. I have a self-cleaning/de-foging bathroom mirror. Every day is my lucky day. When you meet me, you will think I'm a rock star, minus the singing and instrument playing part. I think fashion is stupid because it can never keep up with me. I hate dreams because mine always come true.
I don't always flirt but when I do, I prefer women. My favorite word is b*itchin'. I shower daily. My strengths outweigh my weaknesses. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening-wear. I still own a pair of jean shorts. Sushi is my favorite food group. I think people who say "I'm kind of a big deal" are fricken' lame. Its been done to death... Lets think if a new "go-to" phrase people. I sleep once a day. I always remember where I parked my vehicle. I don't floss. I party like its 1999. I am a stellar hugger and world class cuddler. If my life were a movie, I would be the villain that you would secretly route for.
I pretty much WIN at life.
***** If you think I sound totally random and full of myself, then you have judged this book by its cover. *****