I have come here to chew bubblegum and find a girlfriend

...and I'm all out of bubblegum.

Self-summaries are self-defeating. If I told you I was fun, smart, and sarcastic (as apparently 97% of "OkCupidians" are), you would have no reason to believe me. And why should you, when the description itself betrays none of those qualities?

We can hardly know the string of adjectives that accurately expresses just what being in our company, friendship, and affection is like. Yet we ask this of each other - to sift through a laundry list of ideals, always alert and watching for that perfect combination of buzzwords to shine through. If we were truly such great judges of character as to find it in jumbled text, we might simply walk along someday and snatch love out of thin air.

By now you may suspect the truth - I really just hate talking about myself. Hopefully those last paragraphs resembled something clever, although I would also accept "obnoxious". Some honesty, then: I am hoping to attract you by beating you over the head with an unending stream of stupid - yet endearing - jokes, be it here, or in an online conversation, or on a date.

And it just might work.

I am a Digital Arts & Sciences major at UF, going into my senior year. After that? Beats me.

The whole thing.

"You have the most alluring blue eyes. It's like floating lazily through a vast nebula in space, like seeing the echoes of who and what I am rippling across a ...wait, how did you get in here?"

Books: anything by Michael Crichton or Dave Barry

Movies: The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Collateral

Music: The Flower Kings, Genesis, Neal Morse, The Moody Blues. Basically progressive rock. If you don't know what that is you probably hate it, which I am entirely used to by now.

Food: Animal flesh

1. Pulled pork on garlic bread at Sonny's
2. My mojo
3. YOU!*
4. My imagination
5. My organs
6. Oh, alright, fine... my Wii

*Maybe

1. The ever-shifting balance between the futility and beauty of life
2. The construct of the soul and the mechanics of love
3. Batman
4. Who keeps shooting me!???

This is true; however I would like to point out I am on most other weeknights as well.

I signed up for an OkCupid account. So ashamed.

Also, I do not know how to dance (I learned salsa once, but they kicked me out for double-dipping), I hate portobello mushrooms, and I hate the movie Amelie.

By the way, sweet_tarrt is a 99-year old woman from Jacksonville looking for new friends, and her sister Starbohydrate is a 26-year old woman from Pflugerville, Texas, looking for long-range pen pals. Neither one of them has the slightest bit of information on their profiles, or even a picture! Not the greatest role models for the site, if you ask me. Not to mention any place called "Pflugerville" is obviously fake.

you feel like it. Seriously, if you made it to the bottom of my page, and you're still interested, go for it.