I am a sociopathic atheist living on the fringes of metropolitan society. I worship Reason and pre-meditated justice. Satan is my hero, Buddha is my muse, Jehovah is my witness, Quetzalcoatl will rip out my heart and be my judge. I enjoy Japanese techno-pop, Bulgarian polkas, and Heavy Metal Spanish Rock with Arab influences. My right iris is yellow as are my sharpened toe nails. I drink quad shots at midnight and Vicks cough syrup by the bottle in the morning. I've built a Japanese Tea House using my neighbor's fence. I also wrote a novel about my evil boss and I will publish it when I die. In my previous life I was a secret squirrel. I've been married 7 times, divorced 4 times. It's a combination of catch and release, loving the chase, and an inability to learn. My mother was crazier than yours, my dad meaner, and my grandparents are guilty. I like to bark at the moon. When I go to restaurants, I seed the sugar packet bowls with Splenda. I work in Software Quality Assurance at home so that I can commute to work by wearing my Chinese silk pajamas and my bunny slippers. I like milkshakes made with whiskey. My left leg is radio-controlled by my pet fish. My neck has grown wider than my head ever since I took up the practice of swallowing golf balls. I bench press more than I can squat. I'm getting my degree in Genetics so that I can splice together DNA to build the perfect deity - a being that will answer my prayers. I'm pretty sure that eating people is wrong. And dogs. I don't like people that eat dogs. Eating people that eat dogs might be OK. It's a paradox, what should be done with poachers and animal abusers?

I'm looking for a bad ass barbie doll care giver that doesn't think I'm eccentric and has a salary over $200K.

But I'll settle for anyone that will take me on long shopping sprees for fancy shoes they'll never wear in the bedroom and can squirt blood out of their eyes when enraged with me.

I am conducting a series of sensory deprivation experiments coupled with absurd doses of sugar and caffeine. The tactile hallucinations are starting to fade. My head feels like a 4 dimensional cube.

Holding my breath, going cross-eyed, looking smarter than I really am, and watching TV without blinking. And analyzing logic bombs.

I'm not normal.

Dr. Seuss, WW2 training films, I already covered music, and my body is a graveyard of animals cooked with a blow torch.

fantasy,

hope,

introspection,

ketaconazole,

endless nagging,

crude oil, I need 80 gallons a day

Punishing myself for being self-absorbed and selfish.

Wishing I was at a bar with friends

I like to be inappropriately touched by an angel.

You have no sense of self-preservation.