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24 Greensboro, NC Woman, Cis Woman

Woman, Cis Woman

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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 22–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 5:39am
Lesbian, Gay
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
5' 3" (1.60m)
Body Type
Other and it’s important
Post grad
Doesn’t want kids
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Welcome to my profile - now with illustrative photo captions! I just got my MFA in creative writing (poetry), and in the fall I'll be teaching full-time at UNCG. I am looking forward to it but it is admittedly a little intimidating. My favorite part of teaching (I taught last year, just not full-time) is watching students develop their writing and get more confident in their own voices. I like talking to students and teaching in general. My least favorite part is grading.

My life right now is a melange of disparate interests - I like to write (fiction, poetry, journalism, etc.), I bike and run and swim, and I compete in triathlons (but haven't competed in awhile due to an unfortunate series of injuries - I break a lot of things). I love lifting (Come be my spotter! My gym buddy moved and I'm stuck on the goddamn isolateral bench and it gives me a false sense of security.). I play guitar and a tiny bit of mandolin and love to songwrite and play for friends [Addendum: I am rusty and I must super suck right now because I have been overwhelmed with my overwhelming job, which I love despite its overwhelmingness.).

I did fresh meat for roller derby for awhile and now I'm an NSO (non-skating official) because a lot of my friends broke their legs in roller derby and I break my legs enough because I have a bone disorder already. But the roller derby community is great, and I love being a part of it.

I also have a baby bearded dragon named Darl. If you know what his name is from (without googling or asking people), I think we would get along great. My Instagram is mostly pictures of Darl and of my chickens, who are discussed in some detail below. [Addendum: I mentioned this in a question explanation and I don't always read questions. You probably don't read questions either, seeing as you probably have a life. Essentially, if you have a staunch hatred of reptiles, we will not get along. At all. W/e. Plus Darl will be offended. Short hair don't care. Or some other basic bitch idiom.]

I have two pet chickens named Ethel and Quinn. I raised them from chicks and they're well-socialized and like people. I love my chickens like most other people love their cats and/or dogs. My chickens think I am a large featherless chicken, and my lizard thinks I am a large lizard with exceptionally smooth scales.)

With the notable exception of horses (how I love horses and have always secretly wanted to be one), I really just prefer non-mammal pets. But I generally like cats more than dogs. In case you were wondering. You probably don't care, but I want to buy a horse who is bound for slaughter and make him/her my pet . This probably means I have a savior complex, which probably means I need therapy. Too bad I'm so cheap.

I like to think of myself as an amalgam of April Ludgate's deadpan wit, Leslie Knope's enthusiasm for work, and Chris Treager's irritating charm, but I'm probably being too kind. I also once had an elaborate dream/nightmare structured around the content of the Decemberists song "The Infanta." This may or may not say a good bit about me. I also identify strongly with Meg from Family Guy. you've been warned.

My most recent Myers-Briggs test result was ISTJ. Before that I was an INTJ. Once I was an INFJ. The I and J are the only constants for me. I'm introverted but I think I'm decently friendly. I'm a solid Kinsey six. If you aren't familiar with the Kinsey scale, that means I'm supersupersuper gay. It only goes up to six, with six being the gayest.

Incidentally, I have also deluded myself into believing that Kristen Wiig is my soulmate. [Addendum: watching the movies The Skeleton Twins and Welcome to Me only confirmed this.]
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Reading and writing poems and editing poems and writing a whole bunch of articles to sustain myself but mostly teaching full-time. And tutoring kids.

Also I'm trying to shape myself some sort of quasi-comfortable place in the world. I'm eager and anxious to figure out my life, and I want to eventually own land. (I have a whole scheme that involves owning a mountain campground - ask me about it if you dare.) I write a lot of poetry in the meantime.

In my ideal world, I'd be a tenured poetry professor who spends free time with her many chickens and lizards and rescued thoroughbred. I own chickens and lizards but one day want a horse as well.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
writing, I guess? Also communicating via art (ok, just poetry), and making people laugh. Also overanalyzing the hell out of anything/everything.

I'm also a beast at your mom jokes, but I understand that's like saying I just bought a sweet copy of Windows 95.

...also I'm good at burping really loudly.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
*I have large eyes of indeterminate color.
* "You're so cynical but so young." ~ a drunk friend.
*A bartender once told me my bone structure was too nice to have been an ugly awkward kid in middle school (totally was).
*An ex-girlfriend said I was "good at eating roughage."
*My pupils are perpetually dilated, leading many to errantly assume my life is a constant acid trip.
* I generally smell like multiple Old Spice products, but on the few occasions I wear perfume, it's Chanel (Coco Noir, because "light and floral" is for basic bitches). I own 17 kinds of Old Spice bodywash, and I'm unreasonably proud of it. I have several kinds of Old Spice deodorant and body spray. My favorite is Zanzibar. It has a picture of zebras on it, and it's so obscure that you can't get it in stores. If you care, here are my current best-of rankings: Body Wash: 3 in 1, Body Spray: Zanzibar, Deodorant: Matterhorn. But you really can't go wrong with the Swagger scent across the board.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I adore Joan Didion and Claudia Emerson and consider them my personal heroes. Louise Gluck, Sylvia Plath in small doses (But The Bell Jar on repeat, for sure), Mary Oliver, Annie Dillard, and any poetry that (a) does not rhyme and (b) was not written by Walt Whitman.

I still love Mean Girls and Seabiscuit. Les Mis made me cry, and I don't cry at movies. The Virgin Suicides, Black Swan, anything dark and cerebral. I'm embarrassed that I love Big Momma's House. Oh, and I love American Psycho, The Virgin Suicides, Antichrist, and Melancholia (though the symbolism in some of Lars Von Trier's work is admittedly often heavyhanded).

One time I was on a date and gushing about how much I love Antichrist, and this lady actually tapped me on the shoulder to tell me that she'd never heard "I love" and "Antichrist" in the same sentence. Really, great movie. Also, The Skeleton Twins. Watch it.

I like shows that make you think, but also funny TV. I love Parks and Rec. I love Family Guy. I am convinced that Meg and I were separated at birth. I also like watching true crime TV while cleaning and doing pushups. I love Bob's Burgers and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and Bones. Also BoJack Horseman, but everyone I've recommended that show to hated it, so I'm going to stop recommending it. A poet buddy recommended it, so maybe it's a show poets like? I like American Dad now despite disliking it before. And Criminal Minds and SVU. I'm going to start watching Community because Paget Brewster is in it.

I love Rilo Kiley (and therefore, all of Jenny Lewis's solo work. I may or may not be in love with Jenny Lewis. If you don't know who she is, look her up. Please.), Laura Marling, Beach House, Bon Iver, CocoRosie, the Decemberists, Daft Punk, Craft Spells, Washed Out, Fleet Foxes, Florence and the Machine, KT Tunstall, Maps, Old Crow Medicine Show, Washed Out, Bloc Party, Beirut, Bedouin Soundclash, Local Natives, Ponychase, Fiona Apple, Waxahatchee, Daughter, and Bright Eyes. (If I were straight, I'd make it my life's mission to marry Conor Oberst. I am also very sad that Waxahatchee is straight, but I'll go on.) I also like Kid Cudi, Flogging Molly, and George Winston's instrumental piano. I also enjoy a light dusting of Kesha. I like Kanye and Jay-Z when I'm tipsy and/or cleaning. I non-ironically love Kreayshawn. I'm irritated with myself for liking Fifth Harmony's "Worth It."

I love my lean protein and especially smoothies with whey protein and Greek yogurt and kale and sometimes a kiwi. Egg whites are incredible (especially with cheese). As is okra. I love carrots. And fake meat. I love soy protein. Eggs are good, if I can get them out of the coop before Ethel eats them. I love cottage cheese so much.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
In no particular order:
*my vintage leather Coach bag
*portable notebooks
* chickens and horses and lizards
*good friends
* exercise
* hope for the future
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
When living ends and dying begins (they're the same, I think), the mind-body continuum, where we go when we die, body vs. soul, what I'm going to write about next, the passage of time (As a grade-schooler, I used to watch the second hand move and think each tick meant one less second to live. I guess I was a morbid kid.) horses, chickens, where I'll be in a few years, what was there before the universe began, what's for breakfast.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Hitting up downtown, chilling with friends, holed up alone writing, cleaning, sleeping, playing guitar, or any combination of the above. Probably talking to my lizard. Or trying to get him to watch Netflix with me.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Periodically I get a ridiculous hankering for lemonade. I also use the word hankering.

Also, sometimes when I'm sad, I binge-drink Diet Coke. Or diet Pepsi, depending on what's on sale.

Might as well round it out with a third beverage-related confession. I used to drink a lot of Espolon tequila chiefly because the label had a picture of a skeleton riding a chicken, and I really, really like chickens.

Addendum (not beverage-related): I'm a gold star. You know what that is, right? I've been told it was cooler in the 90s. Alas. Still proud.

New beverage confession: One of the only beers I really like is PBR. I only tried PBR to begin with because someone told me it was "hipster beer." My favorite beer is Bud Light Lime, or the seasonal Coors Light Citrus Radler.

(Beverage update:pretty much the only beer I drink is light beer because I am carb sensitive. I kind of like it, but only because I know it has very few carbs. )

Skinny brunettes are my weakness. Really.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I guess basically I'm looking for gay/queer friends and maybe something more if it works. Below are some assorted weird criteria.

This one is new and needs saying. If you use comma splices (sadly, the vast majority of comma-splice users do not know that comma splices are a gross violation of English grammar), please do not talk to me, because our interactions will be limited to my laughing at your general ineptitude when it comes to commas.

ADDENDUM: please message me if you know what lesbian label I am, because I can't figure it out and I really gotta get my shit together. (If you message me re: labels it will help because I know you read this far, and also because I'll know you are well-versed in lesbian slang.)

OH LOOK ANOTHER ADDENDUM: I've noticed there are advertisements mixed in with photos when you look at them. I have a theory that the ads must somehow correspond to the photos. I saw one that said "If you aren't happy with your smile, call...." So if you can tell me what the ads mixed in with my pictures say, I would be very thankful. If they say "Are you a sort-of-androgynous dweeb who spends too much time with reptiles, call...." then I'll know my theory is right.

* You have reptiles or chickens or like either. Or if you have a cat I can be friends with, and especially if that cat likes those weird fishing-pole-mouse toys, because my favorite thing to do at parties is play with the cat and the weird fishing-pole toy. (Unless there's a lizard - in that case, my favorite thing would be talking to/holding the lizard. Or if there's a chicken - this happened once and I didn't talk to people, only the chicken.)
* You look like Paget Brewster. (Or if you know her. Introduce me, please.)
* You hate the movie Love Actually but sill think Keira Knightley is gorgeous.
* You like guns/want to take me to the range.
* You are what old people call a "Negative Nancy" and/or have an innate distaste for optimism.
* You can't stand babies.
* You're young but feel old and tired.
* You're very, very gay. I'd be psyched to meet other Kinsey sixes and/or gold stars, because both of those things seem to be pretty rare.
*You like to write.
* You want to make weird faces at random strangers at dive bars.
* You want to run, swim, bike, or lift with me.
*You aren't one of those people who takes up half their profile space talking about how they're in high demand and people hit them up all the time and they're probably way too good for whoever messages them and they probably won't reply. Ain't nobody got time for that highfalutin nonsense.