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28 F Amsterdam, Netherlands

My Details

Last Online
Apr 8
5′ 5″ (1.66m)
Body Type
A little extra
Mostly vegetarian
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Sagittarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), German (Poorly), French (Okay), Dutch (Poorly)

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My self-summary
tl;dr version: Poly and OUT. Married. Not looking for a boyfriend. Not into NSA sex. Prefer women or non-gender-normatives. Looking for low-commitment relationships. Find dating stressful but like hanging out. Geeky. NOT Vanilla. Sex-positive. Bright red hair. Problems recognising people.

EDIT 22/01/2014: I'm not looking for anyone new right now, my time and energy are pretty spread out between work, my social life, and the people I'm seeing. BUT I'm very interested in munches, boardgames, rock/goth events and poly events! :) (and sometimes fetish events too)

Here's one I made earlier:
Hello! I'm married to my wonderful husband RobWL, we're in an open poly relationship. We do have separate relationships, but if sexualities and attractions line up, they do overlap, and we tend to spend time together with other partners/metamours. I have two girlfriends and a boyfriend, sadly all long-distance. I also have a select few awesome playmates/lovers/friends here in Amsterdam, yaaay! :D

GUYS: I'm sorry, even if you are a really nice guy... I'm not interested. I am not attracted to most guys. I meet enough men irl that I don't need to do it online. And gender roles and machismo and delicate male egos are a massive turn-off for me. As is clueless desperation. I'm only into a very specific subset of men. You probably aren't one of them. If you match with me ridiculously highly, like 89% plus, and you're a skinny/toned alternative and/or geeky type, then I'll definitely read your message and give it some thought; but I won't want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship (you'd have to be around for a few years before I'd bother about that), and I will not want to date you. Alpha males need not apply. At all.

LADYFOLK: I'm looking for women. To be friends, to geek out, to have fun with, and if all goes well, to be possible playmates. I'm not averse to falling in love, in fact I'm happy for that to happen - but I'm not really in the market for seriously committed relationships. Long-term relationships, yes, whether it's friends who are occasional playmates, or girlfriends etc. I don't tend to get really close to people unless I have a sexual relationship with them, and trust them too. On the surface, I'm a very open person about certain things, like my sexuality or opinions, to almost everyone; but there are certain things I am very guarded about.

LOOKING FOR: Low intensity polyamory; for me that means someone I value as a friend and connect with, but don't have commitments to, that I am sexually attracted to. I can and have fallen in love with them. These relationships/friendships usually last years for me. Ideally we'd hang out every week or two, and we'd all get on with each other's partners (not necessarily sexually, but being friends, or friendly and civil at the very least). I try to be very honest and upfront about what I want (with everybody, including your partners), and I want to find out what you want, to see if we'd be compatible. Often, we won't be compatible as anything more than friends. But I'm okay with that, I know I'm picky, and you probably are too.

I've started experimenting a little with dating - there's a lot I never learned, and I find it a bit nerve-wracking. I'm not so good at one-to-one time with about 90% of people... It just gets awkward and silent somehow. I want someone I can talk to - and who can talk to me! And someone who's okay with just chilling out... I'm an introvert and sometimes I just need you to stop talking or interacting with me. If we've been talking constantly for 2 or more hours, and it isn't a one-off where I can leave at any point, I will need you to shut up. It doesn't mean I don't like you; it means brainisoverloadingohgodwhenwillitendbraaaaaaaaaaaain....FOOM

If you like the sound of me, and I like the sound of you, maybe we can try going on a date and seeing what happens. It's all a bit of a mystery to me, but I think it's worth making an effort with it. :)

I'm not looking for booty calls or playdates - I want someone who is open to spending time with me, relatively regularly, and who is out and poly/happy to try being out and poly with me. And ideally we'd share some fun activity so it's not loads of work to schedule meeting up.

NOT-VANILLA: I am a sub. I already have a wonderful Master - RobWL, and I'm not looking for another, but if you're a (female) switch or a domme, I might be open to playing in the future. I prefer people who enjoy giving or taking a little pain :) For more serious play, I would need to be in a relationship, or at least have known you for a long time/randomly trust you for some reason. I like going to fetish events, although I don't go to so many. I'm also on Fetlife, and quite active in the forums. My username is different, but far from impossible to connect to this one.

I'm a bit of a geek. But if you mention the Mac vs PC debate I will imagine stabbing you in the face to relieve my boredom. However I will happily talk about mythology, religion, ancient history, prehistory, dinosaurs, the evolution of birds, anatomy, graphic novels, sci-fi and fantasy books or films or tv or concepts (and anime to a certain extent), and RTS computer games. (Starcraft (one and two) has a special place in my heart, but I've never won a single game against a real player.) I recently finished Lord of the Rings War in the North, and I thought it was pretty awesome. I'm always looking for more story-driven fantasy co-op RPGs / MMORPGs, so give me any recommendations you have! Feel free to start a conversation about any of those, if I'm interested in what you say, I'll reply.

I am as likely to squeal about a dinosaur or a fluffy or sparkly thing as I am to go off on a long rant about feminism, sexism, heteronormativity or religion. The long rants can be a bit overwhelming if you weren't expecting them, or if you feel they are specifically targeted at you. Neither the ranting nor the squealing at random things is a less important aspect of me, they are both facets of my personality that make up a rather unique whole. It's not my problem if you can't cope with that. I am also as likely to be vivacious and talkative as I am to be extremely shy and awkward - it just depends on the situation and on my mood.

I am silly, geeky, and awkward.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm from the UK, although I lived in Germany and Belgium when I was a kid. I've spent most of my life in Edinburgh. I lived in Geneva for 3 years, and I've lived in Amsterdam since 2013! I love it here ^_^

I'm an English teacher for adults, and I love it. I also proofread theses and dissertations on the side. I like learning languages, and learning about languages and different cultures. I'm still acclimatising to Dutch culture after living in Geneva for so long. (Yes, still! - What do you mean shops are open on a Sunday?!)

I've learnt a fair amount of French, but now that we live in Amsterdam, I'm trying to learn Dutch :) I haven't got beyond simple sentences with only one or two clauses though :( I speak a little German, and I've picked up a few words in the language from most countries I've spent more than a few days in, or watch stuff in. (So far: Cantonese, Spanish, Russian, Japanese...A few Latin and Greek and Hungarian words too.)

I'm still not entirely sure what I want from my relationships, and I don't have a lot of experience with dating. I'm trying though...

The most important things I think are:

- must be attractive *to me*
- must be interesting *to me*
- must be a decent human being, and respect and ideally get on with my husband
- must accept polyamory/ethical non-monogamy
- must feel comfortable and able to talk about what they want and need
- ideally not someone who goes radio silent. I do that when I'm avoiding a difficult but necessary conversation; I've had it done to me to end a relationship. I also had a relationship end due to the person vanishing one day. I'd rather hear that you hate me and it's over, than deal with radio silence or vanishing.
- must enjoy and desire sex, and have some experience
- must be happy and secure in themselves (controlled mental illness is fine, or seeking help for it; uncontrolled mental illness is not freaking okay)
- must not currently suffer from depression (the best of luck to you if you do, but it hurts so much to watch someone you love suffer and know that nothing you do can ever make them happy)

Other stuff that would also be good:

- must be relatively open minded
- must be happy with large amounts of body contact
- must be easy to recognise (I have prosopagnosia/face-blindness; it's hard to be interested in someone I can't pick out of a crowd!)
- should probably be some breed of geek
- must not be a hermit
- must be attracted to women/me, and okay with the fact that *I* am bi or queer or whatever - yes I like women, yes I like men.
- must not put me on a pedestal, or expect me to teach them or lead them. Not into that *at all*. It's really hard work, and I'm not your magic pixie dream girl.

If you're interested, do get in touch! At the very least we could probably meet up and see how we get on :)
I’m really good at

I'm good with my hands. :)

Being really blunt. This is sometimes a good thing, and sometimes makes everyone either really uncomfortable or makes everyone laugh because it's just not how they would have put it... I find that it tends to clear the air and takes away the stress of dancing around an elephant in the room. (I don't mean I say horrible things; I mean I'll say things to a new woman my husband is dating like "You can totally bang him by the way, I'm fine with that." )

Also, remembering facts. It could be a detail someone mentioned, or something I read in a book. A good memory is either a blessing or a curse and I can never quite decide which. Conversations and colours I really don't remember well. Faces I barely remember at all. Names and relationships I remember *extremely* well.

I am actually quite good at learning languages. I'm not so good at speaking them though: certain sounds elude me, and I'm usually aware that my phrases are littered with mistakes.
The first things people usually notice about me
What I'm wearing. Or not wearing. I like dressing up and nudity isn't a big deal for me. It's just a body. You have one too.

Or maybe when I squeal if you're owning/wearing/carrying something I think is awesome/cute/cool. This could be a T-shirt, a toy, a book, funky boots...who knows. It can be disconcerting if its the first time you've met me.

Or that I seem rude by ignoring you when I've met you before. I'm very sorry... I have a problem with recognising people. I recognise you more from your voice and gait than your face. (I have prosopagnosia - I'm face blind. It's difficult for me to tell people apart unless they look extremely distinctive. If you can be described as "average height, brown/blond(e)/black hair, (whatever ethnicity), (male/female), no distinguishing feautures" - I generally won't recognise you at all.) I guess it makes the world more interesting for me?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I love sci-fi and fantasy books, and graphic novels. Authors in no particular order: Anne Rice, Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, Ursula Le Guin, David Eddings, Raymond E Feist, Terry Practchett, Frank Herbert, Kevin J Anderson, Conn Igulden, George Macdonald Fraser. For the truly vile ****ed-up ****, I really like Warren Ellis, Garth Ennis, Mike Carey and Todd Macfarlane. Oh and Lovecraft! ^_^ There's others but I believe that if an author is really, truly good, their name sticks in your head without any effort. So the many others I've read just aren't quite up there. I also like the occasional "popular science" book or history book, but only because I don't want to spend years studying something and knowing that everything is a fragmented, hazy, best guess scenario... I like the illusion of a sweeping story arc.

* Orson Scott Card used to be one of my favourite authors, but it turns out he's a raging homophobe. Oh sure, he's of the "hate the sin, not the sinner" variety, but condeming someone because of who they loves just makes me feel so sad and full of rage at the same time that someone could be so hateful. So I don't read his books anymore. Not even second-hand ones, or ones from the library. The thought of reading anything by him with this new knowledge makes me feel sick. I will watch the Ender's Game film, but I'm going to steal it off the internet. And then maybe have gay sex after it. And then probably donate some money to a gay rights charity in the afterglow.

I can read magazines and letters and my old job contract in French, but I don't know most slang or technical vocabulary. I know enough to have an argument/discussion in a pub, say. I will also have a fair stab at reading about dinosaurs in German ^_^ I went to see the Walking with Dinosaurs Arena Spectacular in German, and it was great! :D Currently I can only read basic Dutch, but I'm working on it - I've come a long way since December!

Also love cartoons. Many favourite films... Jet Li films, Stargate, Spawn, Land Before Time, Dragonheart (yes, I'm a sucker for dinosaurs and dragons), Highlander, old sci-fi classics like The Day The Earth Stood Still (even went to see that in French :) ), and terrible awful B-movies like Plan 9 From Outer Space (soooo good! ^_^ ).... I also love stop-motion films - I want to get most of Ray Harryhausen's films. My favourite film is Clash of the Titans (the old one), and I also love Krull and The Dark Crystal. I also love vampires and science-fiction, although I can be quite critical of films in the horror and sci-fi genres. They do get a bit stale though! What else...I like anime, favourite film from that genre is Nausicca of the Valley of the Winds. (I want to get the Ni No Kuni game made by Studio Ghibli soooo bad!!)

Shows? Uh... I guess I don't watch so much tv. I love fantasy/mythology, science fiction, lesbians, ancient history, and crime. I liked/like Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, Rome, Elementary, The L Word, Stargate (all of them, even the cartoon, but I especially loved SG:U), Star Trek (all of them, but Enterprise less so, and DS9 was my favourite), Spawn, Mock the Week, QI, Red Dwarf, Once Upon a Time, Lost Girl.... and I may or may not be a brony. *cough*

Food? Anything except broccoli or bitter/sour/really salty things. Muffins, steak (rare! nom), chocolate, cookies, fahitas, sushi, gummy bears... Texture is really important to me; *as* important as the taste!

I'm an omnivore. I'm fine with vegetarians (my husband is one!), so long as you are not evangelistic about it; that's just obnoxious. At home I'm mostly vegetarian (almost vegan cause I avoid dairy products), when I eat out it depends on my mood and how much I know about the meat's welfare/origin and slaughter method. Sometimes when I eat meat, I just don't enjoy it, and that makes me feel bad. Sushi and steak are exceptions, but I only eat them once in a while. And I still want to know that the cow was free-range, and where it came from... Currently I eat meat maybe 1-2 times a week, and that's usually chicken or fish. Having gone from eating it all the damn time in Geneva, to much less frequently here, it's surprising how little I miss it. I don't really want to eat certain animals anymore :/ (pigs, sheep, turkeys... either because animal intelligence studies make me feel "wrong" about it, or because I just don't enjoy that meat in the first place.)

If you eat a religious diet, or knowingly consume Halal (or other religiously) -slaughtered meat... I think this is very, very wrong. I don't believe in any God who could tell their followers to cause pain and suffering, to anyone or anything. Personally I want to know the animal I'm eating didn't have an anguished, painful, terrifying death.

I live in Amsterdam, and occasionally travel to Delft, Utrecht and the Hague for goth nights. I'm not very interested in music, but I can't stand trance/dance stuff. I love goth, 80s, rock, nu metal, and melodic death metal ("pirate rock!!). I like pop (in small doses), and r'n'b (also in small doses). To be honest it's all about how pretty the girls are (mmmmm corsets) and if I can sing along to it. I like some EBM, and I really like batcave music. NIN's "Closer" is one of my favourite songs. I have the same attitude to music as I do to books and authors... If you can't remember them effortlessly they're probably not all that amazing.
At the moment my favourite bands are Perfect Circle, Bowling for Soup, Reel Big Fish, Garbage, Linkin Park, BAK XIII , Placebo, 3 Doors Down, Tenacious D, Guano Apes, She Wants Revenge and random stuff so long as it's different to whatever I've just listened to.

I like to sing karaoke, the songs I sing are pretty much anything I think will suit my (limited) range. I can't sing "flashdance" or anything like that... My voice is too low. I tend to sing guys' songs or ones for girls with deeper voices. And AQUA. YES. (The cheesy songs, not the serious ones) I also love Love Shack by the B52s!
The six things I could never do without
My husband/Master - RobWL. Oh, and warmth, sleep, food, love, and sex.

And who am I kidding, internets. It's like highly addictive air for people with short attention spans. *rolls face over keyboard* ohhhhh internets...mmmm....
I spend a lot of time thinking about
sex. plans. nights out. memories. ladyfolk. things on the internets. Food I'm craving (sushi, fahitas, a pretzel, a Mars bar, whatever).

Various combinations of the above. No, seriously.
On a typical Friday night I am
It could be several things. Maybe at a metal bar, maybe at a friend's place, maybe at a goth club, maybe sitting at home watching tv, maybe playing a computer game with my husband. Sometimes I work on Saturday mornings, so I can't do anything too wild.

I like both staying in and going out, but I love variety most of all. I also love karaoke, and I enjoy playing board games and hanging out with close friends/partners. Also B-movies. I love B-movies. I still need to watch Sharknado :)

I try to socialise, but I'm just weird and awkward and stressed for the first half hour, no matter what, and sometimes I just burn out. Although I'm always glad that I made the effort, and sometimes the night goes awesomely well. Message me if there's some anime/poly/fetish/board game meetup, I'd probably be pretty happy to come to it :)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I enjoy casual sex. It's a great way to spend a weekend. But not with stupid people, and not with people who view me as a completely interchangeable vagina-support-system. Only with friends, or those who are likely to become friends (or more).

And geeks make the best lovers ^_^
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like girls
  • Ages 23–38
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You are a nice, intelligent, kind, pretty, geeky bi lady (you can be as unladylike as you like though ;) ), with a perverted streak a mile wide. (Lesbians are also fine; but not if you object to my husband existing, or to the fact that I also like cock.)

If you can accept open relationships. If you are open-minded and would like friendship or potentially more! Also you should have a (very) high tolerance for hugs and talking about random crap, what the world is all about, etc.

Also you should message me if there's some kind of poly/feminism/LGBT/fetish/geek/film/goth/80s/ska event happening in or around Amsterdam. Cause I will probably want to come!

Don't message me if you can't be bothered to write properly. Non-native English speakers and dyslexics I will make allowances for, but if you're neither; I will Judge you. Those Judged have zero chance of getting into my pants.

Other languages: - only my French is good enough to carry a decent conversation. You can write to me in French, but any replies might be a long time in coming due to me not writing French well :S If you wait until about 2016, I'll probably be able to write coherently in Dutch...