You know how every time you store the expensive boutique-bakery birthday cake in the refrigerator, by the time you bring it out there's a smudge missing from the corner piece? That was me. I can't help myself. I love the icing, hate the cake. I guess I'm a little bit cheeky. Or maybe it's my way of flipping off the eggs in the batter. You know of a good Icing Anonymous meeting? Take me, I'm yours. Although if the icing's yellow, the cake is safe. I've got problems with yellow. But who makes a yellow cake? If you ask me, anyone who ices a cake in yellow needs professional help.

Questioning received wisdom. Giving my students the tools to do so. Hoping that one of them revises the color wheel.

Making people groan. (Now don't be dirty-minded . . . I mean groan at my puns.)

If you've finish reading this, and if we meet, you're gonna notice I'm wearing something burgundy-ish, that's fer sure . . .

Food: I'm omnivorous these days, but I get especially excited by sushi, tapas, Thai, Indian . . . wait, I'm omnivore-ish. Hold the eggs. Hold the egg dishes. They just don't egg-cite me.

Movies: The Conformist, Weekend, Aliens, Jacob's Ladder, Born in Flames, Talk to Her, Fight Club, Sex and Lucia, Herzog, Apocalypse Now, Eggs-terminating Angel, frankly strange and tedious French feminist films . . . and see below.

Books: My favorite books are the ones I can return to the library. In other words, my shelves are bursting. If you have empty bookshelf space, we might be meant for each other . . . or you might want to stay away from me. Or hide those shelves. Favorite recent reads: The White Tiger, White Noise, The People of Paper, Half Life, Benito Cereno.

Music: Iggy Pop, William Orbit, My Bloody Valentine, T. Rex, Jeff Buckley, Derrick May's Love Parade Mix, Prince's Kiss, Massive Attack, Johnny Hodges and Billy Strayhorn . . .

Bookshelves (did you see that one coming?)
Leatherman
CD player (what's wrong with me? I'm really resisting my Ipod)
sunscreen (I come from the pale blue people)
hair elastic (all this hair can really be a nuisance sometimes)

That's five. A lady keeps the sixth to herself.

. . . why there are eggs in my refrigerator when I don't like eggs. Does this make me an eggo-maniac?

fighting the good fight. If it's Friday the thirteenth, I'm frighting the good fright. Whatever night it is, I'm not wearing yellow.

. . . that I love Point Break. Any movie that ends with Ratt's "Nobody Rides for Free" and includes Keanu as an FBI agent infiltrating surfer/bankrobbers deserves an Oscar.
. . . that I went to a Guns 'n' Roses concert with a bandana tied around my head. And was mistaken for Axl. Please forgive me, I was but a child. On the other hand, if for some reason I ended up at a Guns 'n' Roses concert in the near future, I just might show up with corn rows.
. . . that sometimes I eat the rub straight out of the spice rub jar. Aye, there's the rub.
. . . oh hell, why not admit it: I eat the egg whites. But I throw the yolks down the drain.
Also . . . that I've worked out my issues.

You've worked out your issues too. Or worked on, over, through, or into them. But if you're under your issues, forget it, it's all off. I draw the limit there. Although all will be forgiven if you have a pair of spiffy shoes. Or can help me figure out my weird attraction to the color burgundy. That's one issue I simply can't seem to work out.