It appears that through some haphazard series of events you've
somehow made it here. Lucky you. I'm pretty sure this is where I'm
supposed to tell you about myself but unfortunately for you I'm not
terribly good at that sort of thing... so I guess I'll be using
other means to get that information out.
This should do the trick. Here’s my tumblr:
And maybe some day I'll gain the absurd ability to type about
myself for great lengths but until that time comes all I've really
got is an over abundance of knowledge on elephants and an
insatiable hunger for hashbrowns. If you have any questions
pertaining to those two things, feel free to ask.
What I’m doing with my life
I just moved here to San Jose and I'd love to find some new friends
before I settle in. Come do jigsaw puzzles with me. I'm secretly an
old woman at heart. But in terms of human fun I'm always down to
hike, bike, and backpack when I'm not busy doing absolutely
nothing. Well, doing absolutely nothing OR working at that fine
establishment in the sky called Starbucks. Also, if you ever want
to make some terrible music, I've got an acoustic guitar, mediocre
skills, and the voice of an angel. (I've never actually heard an
angel sing so I might not be wrong on that one)
I’m really good at
Making people laugh. I love telling terrible jokes and I've become
quite the pun master. And I'm considering trying stand up right now
so even if you're not a fan of my page any random heckling is
always welcome. My online persona needs to learn to dodge tomatoes
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm gonna have to go with my ever lovely red hair. All the old
women at my last job loved to call me Ron Howard because of it. So
if you've ever wanted to get with the dopplegänger of the director
of How the Grinch Stole Christmas, then look no further.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: A Clockwork Orange, 1984, The Stranger, Fight Club, Into the
Wild, Slaughterhouse Five, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Movies: Man on the Moon, A Clockwork Orange, Wristcutters, Donnie
Darko, Pulp Fiction, Amélie
Shows: Breaking Bad, Twin Peaks, Arrested Development, It's Always
Sunny in Philadelphia, The Walking Dead, Parks and Recreation,
Orange is the New Black
Music: The Mountain Goats, Neutral Milk Hotel, Belle and Sebastian,
Marcy Playground, Radiohead, Cage the Elephant, Elliot Smith,
Food: Don't even get me started on food... Ham. Ham is all you need
The six things I could never do without
Two shoelaces tied together
Used chewing gum
A copy of Highlights magazine
Two dozen wool sweaters
And a fully functioning magic wand signed by Gene Hackman
I spend a lot of time thinking about
the terrible CGI monkeys in Jumanji.
On a typical Friday night I am
looking for something to do. Please, let me know if you find
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I think it would be cool to experience something I call the
Westside Story moment. It's when you lock eyes with someone from
across a crowded room for the first time and you're just like "yep,
this is the one, guys. Let's wrap it up. No more soul searching. I
got 'em". Do I think that that is actually how true love works? No.
Do I think true love exists? No idea. Do I want it anyway? Hell
yeah I do.
You should message me if
If you are so overwhelmingly taken aback by what you've seen here
today that you would like to pursue a conversation with me, but are
too afraid to be the one to initiate it, then simply write "butts"
in my inbox and I will make sure to begin a conversation of my own
with you at my earliest convenience.