Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


42 Oakland, CA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 32–41
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 10:08pm
5′ 8″ (1.73m)
Body Type
Mostly vegetarian
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Libra, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has kids, but doesn’t want more
Dislikes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), French (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
So, I went to the Grand Canyon. My buddy was like, "Dude, you'll be fine," and I was thinking, "Yeah, totally," because in my mind I'm still 25 when I couldn't be stopped or injured and could quickly master any physical challenge.

5 days and 40 miles, the first day of which was down, down, down and only down. Try the top of stadium steps that are 1 mile above the field. Now put on 60+ pounds of pack (because there is no water on the way down), and get to the field alive and before dark. Oh, and along the way there are extended lengths of trail where falling over literally means death.

That was the hardest f*cking thing I have ever done, and I tell you truly, I was scared.

While I do something like this (well, not always as dangerous) once a year or so, it speaks to a sense of adventure that is a part of me, though one that I have at times lost touch with - don't want to paint a picture of me as Mr. Constant Adventure. I do want to paint a picture of someone who likes to do stuff - seeking out live music, heading into the mountains, hunting and gathering and getting lost.

This summary is no place to dive into the bigger things that have meaning for me, but... I believe in honesty and openness and I value vulnerability. Connection is what makes us human, and without it we are dead. I alone am responsible for my happiness. Great experiences and rich relationships are bonus. I've been down the hard, hard path of learning to love and how unhealthy attachment ruins things. I know what my values are and consciously work to stay in integrity with them.

If what you read here is interesting or, even better, exciting, do reach out. I'm not keen on much online communication. Face to face is where it's at, and first dates for me are all about talking - a beer, a coffee, a walk, a park bench, a swing set... Let's go!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm kept pretty busy with two young children, and while they do not live with me I see them almost every day. My co-parent and I rock it, and you should just know right now that she's an important and permanent (for the next 10+ years at least) part of my life. We've been separated for more than a year now, and the divorce will be final this March.

After 15 years of software development, a career I was OK at but never loved, I am at last engaged in something that Really Matters to me: working with children in mental health. I'm excited and terrified to be beginning a new career.

I play guitar and piano and cook and exercise nearly every day to keep sane.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
listening. I hear many women say that they'd like a man who can shut up and listen, someone who can just do that without trying to solve a "problem". Be real. Be brave. I'll do the same.

... being in the kitchen. I'm no genius chef, but I know my way around and like cooking with a partner. I have pretty good knife skills.

... almost anything physical. Snowboarding is my favorite thing, and I am really good at it. It's not like I was pro or anything, but I love it and am super confident in my abilities. In general, I am good at and enjoy anything physical: road biking, mountain biking, yoga, backpacking, climbing, soccer, running, adult play time...
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"My god man, where is your hipster moustache?"

"Damnn!!! Those jeans look good on you!"
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Music: I have fairly eclectic taste. I don't generally like rap, hip-hop, country, angry music. For example: Flaming Lips, Fredrik, Muse, Gomez, Regina Spektor, Tori Amos, Fiona Apple, Train, Styx, JC Superstar, Dave Matthews, Kinky, Joe Strummer, ABBA, Pink Martini, Bill Frisell, Kenny Burrell, Joe Pass, Django Reinhardt, Brahms, Basement Jaxx, Bruce Springsteen, Elton John.

Movies: I'm pretty critical, though I am able to just go see a movie and enjoy the experience. I do like "artsy" stuff and happily go to those types of movies. Subtitles are ok ;-). I saw Wild this week and loved it.

Books: I like to read, but it turns out that my reading happens at bedtime. I usually fall asleep very quickly and drop the book on my face. Ha! You laugh, but it's funnier in real life. My favorite book is East of Eden. That one leaves a bruise.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Six - whatever...
My kids
Close friends
Good food and drink
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
... children and competition, socioeconomic inequality, the impact of poverty, how to be Ryan Brown.

... sex

... how to rebuild from the ashes of a 15 year marriage.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
...with my kids, taking them to softball practice, picking up pizza or sushi and going home to either watch a movie or play a game.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
... is that I like more pop music than I'd like to! At least I can explain. Brain Candy. Ask me.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
- you want to go snowboarding! I have a season pass to Alpine/Squaw and would love driving buddies and to reduce lodging costs (for god's sake no creepiness here, ok?).
- you're willing to meet in person - coffee/tea or a drink to start. I am totally not interested in an online or long distance relationship.
- you're moved by Brené Brown's work and want to talk about it
- you're looking for a running partner
- you want to go snowboarding, or hiking, or surfing, do a Muddy Buddy, etc.
- go wine tasting in Sonoma
- we are an 80% or higher match
- snowshoe
- play at the beach