When I was ten, my primary hobbies were building dioramas (based on
the most thrilling scenes from my favorite books), writing plays
for my Barbies, creating bombastic dance routines, drawing pictures
of imaginary clothing, and recording songs from the radio (for
incredibly low quality mix tapes). Very little has changed. I will
always see the potential in an empty shoebox.
What I’m doing with my life
I moved to LA from Portland, OR almost a year ago. I'm a dresses
buyer for an online retailer. I have the overflowing closet to
prove that I am qualified for this job.
I edit a feminist zine called Sandy. It was named after my grandma,
who is the original bad bitch. If you're curious about it (and
wondering if it's totally boring), spy on our Instagram:
I get excited about frozen yogurt.
I volunteer every week at an all-kittens shelter. This is not just
And in general, I'm spending all of my waking moments collecting
stories, learning new skills, and mentally writing sketch comedy.
I’m really good at
Crossword puzzles. 60s-90s music trivia. Spelling. Speed reading.
Making fancy pants jello shots. I like to describe them as
"artisanal." Because, you know, I came from Portland.
The first things people usually notice about me
Either my enviously thick, long hair OR my oh-so-Brian-Jones
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Paper: Lolita. On the Road (yeah, really). Anything Henry Miller
has ever written. Fitzgerald and Salinger. BIOGRAPHIES! Sad sack
contemporary fiction. 18th Century French literature. Artsy graphic
novels. Right now I'm going through a strange Hemingway
Plastic: Ask me about music, and I will talk for six hours
straight. You might get bored. In general: 70s-style metal, riot
grrl blah blah, 90s hip hop, J.Dilla (and anything related),
60s/70s psychedelia, krautrock, 90s teen angst anthems, Fleetwood
Mac, Justin Timberlake, Robyn, and (sigh) I know too much about
late 80s/early 90s industrial music. In summary: I'm the annoying
sort of person that will listen to the same song 20 times in a
Moving: I know very little about film, except for maybe all of the
movies that art school denizens love. But I want to learn! And I'm
going through an intense Beavis and Butthead/Daria phase.
Edible: TACOS. FOR EVERY MEAL!
The six things I could never do without
This is a really ridiculous question. In the past, I've been
terribly broke and lacking in most things, and I still had a pretty
fun time. Hmmmm...I guess I'm going to say that I'm most grateful
for my friends, my family, my black cat Moe $$$, my passport, and
my ability to laugh at almost anything. Are these things?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Today I spent a decent chunk of time thinking about how totally
SHOCKED the world must have been when it first heard The Velvet
Underground & Nico in 1967. We are totally jaded about drugs
and prostitution now (thanks, rock and roll, Hollywood, Burroughs
and Algren), but imagine your grandparents listening to that album.
On a typical Friday night I am
Working out/drinking wine in the shower/listening to
records/editing my zine.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm a picky, shallow asshole.
If you text me constantly I'm going to get freaked out.
If you rarely text me I'm going to get sad.
Mostly I want someone to sleep with somewhat regularly and
occasionally attend parties with me.
Also, I've only done karaoke one time and it was...sigh...a Nine
Inch Nails song.
Now do you think I'm so cute?
You should message me if
Let's be real: I'm pretty and charming. I'm not here because I'm a
lonely old spinster. I'm new to LA and I'm so busy that I don't
where/how to meet people. I'm not interested in expanding my social
circle via barflies and ne'er-do-wells.
Are you creative? Smart? Witty? Not lazy in bed? Do you have good
style, love animals, and do rad stuff in your spare time? If you
answered yes to these questions, then please message me.
Please don't message me if you are the sort of wastrel that buys
name brand medicine. It's Walitin and Waldryl or nothing,
Also, please don't message me if:
1. You are allergic to cats. I know it seems to have so much wacky
romantic potential, but it's just not going to work. And don't
message me about how much you hate cats and that's too bad because
I'm so cute, because that's fucking boring.
2. You are an overtexter. That's even more boring.
3. You're not funny.
4. Your messages seem as if they were written by an oversexed
tween. Substituting numbers for words was only cool when Prince did
5. You don't read books and/or you want to start a musical taste