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34 Troy, MI Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 26-34
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
Nov 14
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
6' 0" (1.83m)
Body Type
A little extra
Christianity and it’s important
Working on University
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
English (Fluently), C++ (Somewhat), Other (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
The details of my life are very plain. My Dad went to Central Michigan University and met my Mom in the fall of 1978. They instantly fell in love and by December were happily married and have been ever since.

In June of 1979 my older brother Mike appeared. In 2004, whilst deployed onboard the submarine USS Hampton, they pulled into Scotland. There he met his wife. You know the rest. They're married and have four kids. Which means I'm an uncle! I have a funny little niece named Alix, and three nephews named Seth, Levi, and Noah. You can see them if you're friends with me on Facebook.

In June of 1981, after getting sick of trying to entertain my brother all by themself, they had me. I was a fussy baby, a angry teenager, and am now a maladjusted adult, working with other dysfunctional people in the Navy. After two years of being broke all the time while trying to pay for college the Navy seemed like a good idea. Kind of like having sex with a cute person you just met at a party seems like a good idea when you're drunk. So instead of getting AIDS I've been dealing with BS duty stations and dysfunctional assholes since 2001. But moving on.

In November of 1984, my parents, as part of celebrating Reagan's reelection, decided it was time for another kid. So my little brother Nick was born. He got married in summer of 2010, in Egypt to an Egyptian princess. They have a kid named David. He's the biggest little guy you'll ever meet. He's also a mogram just like his father. They're expecting number 2.

In April of 1988, after the Old Bush won his term, my parents had yet another kid to celebrate. My little brother JD. He's a teacher, has a huge fro, and a wonderful girlfriend who makes awesome chocolate cake. She works at Disney, and looks like Snow White. I guess that makes him Prince Charming? Update! They're married and living in Florida!

Then, in November of 1991, my parents decided that in order to celebrate the 90s, they HAD to have another kid. YEAH! They finally got little girl! My sister Betzi. Because she grew up with four older brothers she's a bit crazier then most girls. Also, she can probably hold her own in a fight. So don't even try and tell her she dresses funny. I can do that, I'm bigger than her. But, if I bring you back to meet the rents, I don't want a wrestling match breaking out. That's why I had to break up with my last girlfriend. Well, that and she used to be a man. Try explaining THAT one to your grandma. (I kid! I kid! I'd never date a man. That's why Neil Patrick Harris, won't talk to me anymore.)

Anyway, I would describe myself as a horny dork who joined the Navy and is now sick of all the people and the fact that most of them still act like they are in freakin highschool. Really? I have to get drunk every weekend and hump every girl in sight? And some of the furniture too? Cause if I don't, I'm gay? Last time I checked humping furniture had NOTHING to do with sexual orientation. Not that I go around humping furniture. Just the couch. Cause Rick James told me to. But he's dead now, so I guess the couch is safe.

Okay, I'm obviously not from California. Because people here are laid back, nice, and not sarcastic assholes, harboring a severe hatred for their job. I'm originally from Michigan. But now with no jobs I'll probably be living elsewhere for the duration of my stay here on Earth. I lived in Norfolk, Virginia up until 2008. I was there for about 6 years. The place sucks. Especially compared to San Diego. In 2009 I lived in Bahrain for 15 months. This was before the severe riots shut the country down. What you need to understand is that there have ALWAYS been riots there. Just not severe ones. In the summer of 2010 I decided to take orders to Djibouti, Africa. Worst place on Earth, and I'm going to leave it at that. Now I'm stationed onboard the USS Preble, and just got back from 3 months of touring Asia last month. So now it's time to tour San Diego! Update! I left San Diego in June and am now back to living in Burt. At least until I earn my degree from U of M Flint, the zombies invade, the world ends, or the bottom drops out.

I hate a lot of things. Namely fake people. I also hate people that are full of shit and yet try to lecture me on "how" I'm supposed to do things. I meet WAAAAAAAAY to many of these in the Navy. Why is it they feel like they can tell me how to do something, even if the way they're telling me is apparently wrong? What the hell is wrong with these people?

What am I looking for? Well, obviously a cute girl next door type who will help me fight off the Raptors when they start frontin. Also, she needs to be good at hand to hand combat for the upcomming Zombie Invasion. Okay, seriously now. I'm looking for a girl who would describe herself as the girl next door with a bit of tomboy through in for good measure. I want a girl who's as comfortable wearing a dress and going to the opera, as she is wearing a babydoll t-shirt and a pair of jeans while going to punk rock show. I value honesty, someone who knows where they're going in life, maturity, a good sense of humour, big boobs and a nice ass. (I kid! I kid!) Also, if she's into that whole Martha Stewart/Racheal Ray stuff that's a good thing too. Just because we're living in the 21st century doesn't mean guys don't want girls who have homemaking skills.
Also excellent marksmanship with all NATO pact small arms is a plus. When The Walking Dead becomes reality, this will be an in demand skill.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Done with the Navy after 11 years and moving on with life. Trying to finish up a degree at U of M Flint, and waiting for Blackboard to load.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Many things. To many to list.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm crazy. If they are nice people, my large forehead or my eyes. I've been told I have sexy eyes.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Like you really want to read about this boring shit. If this is THAT important to you, then hit me up. Maybe I'll friend you on Facebook and you can read all about it there. Honestly, who really gives a shit about what tv shows, music, and food somewhat likes? If we hit it off, she'll find out in time.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Making the hot sex with a mudabitch! Where the world is headed. Where humanity is headed. How I can turn a perfectly boring conversation into something that makes the pretty girls laugh so hard that they pee theyselves!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Defending Michigan from Zombies, Ninjas, or Vampires. Damn ninjas!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've eaten snails, balut, chicken feet. I was visiting the Phillipines and when I was there I ate them. Balut was probably the most interesting thing. Chicken feet are okay, but very gammy. The meat is tough and stringy. That's why I like my chicken like I like my women, with large breasts!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You really want to, and only if you can put up with constant sarcasm and have a deeply developed sense of humour. If this doesn't sound like you then go fuck yourself. You're probably better at it anyway. There are over six billion people in the world, I'm sure at least ONE female out there wants this. Hopefully she's not hanging out with Piper Chapman.