In June of 1979 my older brother Mike appeared. In 2004, whilst deployed onboard the submarine USS Hampton, they pulled into Scotland. There he met his wife. You know the rest. They're married and have three kids. Which means I'm an uncle! I have a funny little niece named Alix, and two nephews named Seth, and Levi. You can see them if you're friends with me on Facebook.
In June of 1981, after getting sick of trying to entertain my brother all by themself, they had me. I was a fussy baby, a angry teenager, and am now a maladjusted adult, working with other dysfunctional people in the Navy. After two years of being broke all the time while trying to pay for college the Navy seemed like a good idea. Kind of like having sex with a cute person you just met at a party seems like a good idea when you're drunk. So instead of getting AIDS I've been dealing with BS duty stations and dysfunctional assholes since 2001. But moving on.
In November of 1984, my parents, being horny all the time, decided it was time for another kid. So my little brother Nick was born. He got married in summer of 2010, in Egypt to an Egyptian princess. They have a kid named David. He's the biggest little guy you'll ever meet. He's also a mogram just like his father.
In April of 1988, after the Old Bush won his term, my parents had yet another kid to celebrate. My little brother JD. He's a teacher, has a huge fro, and a wonderful girlfriend who makes awesome chocolate cake. She works at Disney, and looks like Snow White. I guess that makes him Prince Charming? Update! They're married and living in Florida!
Then, in November of 1991, my parents decided that in order to celebrate the 90s, they HAD to have another kid. YEAH! They finally got little girl! My sister Betzi. Because she grew up with four older brothers she's a bit crazier then most girls. Also, she can probably hold her own in a fight. So don't even try and tell her she dresses funny. I can do that, I'm bigger than her. But, if I bring you back to meet the rents, I don't want a wrestling match breaking out. That's why I had to break up with my last girlfriend. Well, that and she used to be a man. Try explaining THAT one to your grandma. (I kid! I kid! I'd never date a man. That's why Neil Patrick Harris, won't talk to me anymore.)
Anyway, I would describe myself as a horny dork who joined the Navy and is now sick of all the people and the fact that most of them still act like they are in freakin highschool. Really? I have to get drunk every weekend and hump every girl in sight? And some of the furniture too? Cause if I don't, I'm gay? Last time I checked humping furniture had NOTHING to do with sexual orientation. Not that I go around humping furniture. Just the couch. Cause Rick James told me to. But he's dead now, so I guess the couch is safe.
Okay, I'm obviously not from California. Because people here are laid back, nice, and not sarcastic assholes, harboring a severe hatred for their job. I'm originally from Michigan. But now with no jobs I'll probably be living elsewhere for the duration of my stay here on Earth. I lived in Norfolk, Virginia up until 2008. I was there for about 6 years. The place sucks. Especially compared to San Diego. In 2009 I lived in Bahrain for 15 months. This was before the severe riots shut the country down. What you need to understand is that there have ALWAYS been riots there. Just not severe ones. In the summer of 2010 I decided to take orders to Djibouti, Africa. Worst place on Earth, and I'm going to leave it at that. Now I'm stationed onboard the USS Preble, and just got back from 3 months of touring Asia last month. So now it's time to tour San Diego! Update! I left San Diego in June and am now back to living in Burt. At least until I earn my degree from U of M Flint, the zombies invade, the world ends, or the bottom drops out.
I hate a lot of things. Namely fake people. I also hate people that are full of shit and yet try to lecture me on "how" I'm supposed to do things. I meet WAAAAAAAAY to many of these in the Navy. Why is it they feel like they can tell me how to do something, even if the way they're telling me is apparently wrong? What the hell is wrong with these people?
What am I looking for? Well, obviously a cute girl next door type who will help me fight off the Raptors when they start frontin. Also, she needs to be good at hand to hand combat for the upcomming Zombie Invasion. Okay, seriously now. I'm looking for a girl who would describe herself as the girl next door with a bit of tomboy through in for good measure. I want a girl who's as comfortable wearing a dress and going to the opera, as she is wearing a babydoll t-shirt and a pair of jeans while going to punk rock show. I value honesty, someone who knows where they're going in life, maturity, a good sense of humour, big boobs and a nice ass. (I kid! I kid!) Also, if she's into that whole Martha Stewart/Racheal Ray stuff that's a good thing too. Just because we're living in the 21st century doesn't mean guys don't want girls who have homemaking skills.