WANTED: Holiday Girlfriend

Let me be clear. I want a girlfriend. But, I don't really want a girlfriend.

I just want one for the holidays.

Let's recognize something. The holidays suck, especially for us single people. All of your coupled friends are going to be doing couple things: snuggling by the fire, going to dinner at each others' parents houses, blahblahbarf.

Let's recognize another thing. Deep down inside, you don't want to be alone for the holidays. You want someone to do all of those cute snuggly things with, someone to get fat and keep warm next to (let's also recognize that it's getting f*cking cold here), and someone to accompany you to your friends' coupley holiday parties so they don't keep thinking you're a loser destined for forever alone status.

But, you've spent all year working on your career / training for charity bike rides / getting drunk and haven't had the time or inclination to track down and capture a boyfriend. And even if you did, you're not really sure you'd want to keep him after the holidays are over, anyway.

The solution:
Be my girlfriend for the holidays. And only for the holidays.

How it works:
If it seems like a good fit we'll set up a casual mini-date (coffee, beer, Kool-aid, whatever). If that's a success and we're both not totally disgusted by each other, we'll date until 11:59PM, xx/xx/xxxx (negotiable). After that we can still be friends (unless we absolutely hate each other, then we can downshift to the occasional drunken booty call).

The benefits:
-You have someone to keep you company on these cold San Francisco nights that would make even Bigfoot shiver in fear. Did I mention I'm an excellent cuddler? (References provided upon request.)
-I like to cook. Edible things. Nothing too fancy, but always tasty and curiously satisfying. Omnivore? You win.
-Worried about finding someone to share sappy love sonnets with on Valentine's Day who doesn't look (or sound) like Sloth's cousin? Boom! Got you covered like white on rice.

I am *beyond* blessed to be able to say that I've met my soul's true calling by taking care of sick patients. Words cannot begin to describe how much personal satisfaction I get from educating my patients on how to take their medications correctly, enabling them to live longer, more productive lives.

Once you get to know me better, you'll find some interesting contradictions: I am passionate, yet easygoing. Respectful, yet brutally honest. Spontaneous, yet responsible. Superb kisser, yet... superb kisser. I can give you goose bumps with the tip of my fingers one minute... and pull your hair while biting your earlobe the next.

A lot of women have told me I look like Brad Pitt.... in the dark. Others have said I'm a hunk, but a hunk of what?

I once read a sign that said, "ONE WAY DO NOT ENTER". Then I woke up in the hospital.... again. I REALLY need to pay more attention to the road signs.

1) Norepinephrine
2) Serotonin
3) Dopamine
4) Acetylcholine
5) Melatonin
6) Gamma aminobutyric acid

This question.

Camping and hiking in the nude, uphill skiing, and base jumping (as long as it's not more than 3 feet high), and petting soft fluffy puppies (but only if they aren't rabid). I'm also on a quest to find a rich woman(s) to take care of me.

No.

-I'm looking for somebody that is breathing, and preferably not in any type of committed relationship (such as marriage, a cult, or in prison).
-A woman that has a steady head on her shoulders, but not a steady shot when she's mad.
-As beautiful on the inside, as she is in the dark.
-She has to have a sense of humor, especially if catching me in a lie, drunk, or out with the guys (or all the above).
-She MUST know how to bathe, and does it regularly.... with or without my assistance.
-She cannot be a blood relative (Note to self: always check this first, not last). And must be of legal age... in California, NOT Missouri.

So, what are you waiting for? Send me a message and I'll take it from there. It's totally free. Unlike prostitution and hand lotion.