Let me be clear. I want a girlfriend. But, I don't really want a girlfriend.
I just want one for the holidays.
Let's recognize something. The holidays suck, especially for us single people. All of your coupled friends are going to be doing couple things: snuggling by the fire, going to dinner at each others' parents houses, blahblahbarf.
Let's recognize another thing. Deep down inside, you don't want to be alone for the holidays. You want someone to do all of those cute snuggly things with, someone to get fat and keep warm next to (let's also recognize that it's getting f*cking cold here), and someone to accompany you to your friends' coupley holiday parties so they don't keep thinking you're a loser destined for forever alone status.
But, you've spent all year working on your career / training for charity bike rides / getting drunk and haven't had the time or inclination to track down and capture a boyfriend. And even if you did, you're not really sure you'd want to keep him after the holidays are over, anyway.
Be my girlfriend for the holidays. And only for the holidays.
How it works:
If it seems like a good fit we'll set up a casual mini-date (coffee, beer, Kool-aid, whatever). If that's a success and we're both not totally disgusted by each other, we'll date until 11:59PM, xx/xx/xxxx (negotiable). After that we can still be friends (unless we absolutely hate each other, then we can downshift to the occasional drunken booty call).
-You have someone to keep you company on these cold San Francisco nights that would make even Bigfoot shiver in fear. Did I mention I'm an excellent cuddler? (References provided upon request.)
-I like to cook. Edible things. Nothing too fancy, but always tasty and curiously satisfying. Omnivore? You win.
-Worried about finding someone to share sappy love sonnets with on Valentine's Day who doesn't look (or sound) like Sloth's cousin? Boom! Got you covered like white on rice.