The truth is I have Fibromyalgia and am disabled. I say this in an attempt at full disclosure because there are people out there who openly admit that they don't want to be with someone who has a chronic illness that limits that person in some way or another. I don't hold such a preference against anyone but I also don't want to spend a significant amount of time getting to know someone who feels that way because its a waste of time and energy for all parties involved. What I have is a controversial disorder or disease. It's controversial because there are large portions of the medical community that seem to believe that people who claim to be in immense pain all the time are not telling the truth. I've heard Fibromyalgia sufferers be called lazy, that the problem is all in their head and that if they'd just exercise, they wouldn't be in pain all the time. The experience has left me with a deep sense of empathy for those dealing with equally chronic and time consuming disorders.
I've always been an HONEST person and bent over backwards to do a good job in school, at work and to help other people in need. Having made such an effort to be a good, honest person makes being accused of being at the very least dishonest insulting. Imagine going to a doctor with a headache and the doctor says to you "Well I cannot prove you have or do not have a headache but most people don't need to see a doctor for a headache. So you are either scamming for drugs to abuse, or are a hypochondriac, or even worse crazy. Maybe you should just go run some laps to fix your unsubstantiated headache". How would you feel? And how would you react? You aren't so much offended because the doctor can't prove you have something wrong with you; you are offended because the doctor is treating you as if your complaint is not legitimate and that you are some how wasting the doctor's time with efforts to 'score prescription drugs' for off-label use or even worse you are some kind of hypochondriac, just seeking attention (which makes you "crazy" in the Doc's eyes). I'll keep this rant to a minimum but I hope you can see how maddening it is to fight such an up hill battle.
I studied to be a massage therapist in the summer of 2007 and have studied the rehabilitative side of massage practicing as a 'Medical Massage Practitioner'. I'd rather be making my own way than letting others take care of me financially. But here I am, unable to work from the immensity of my pain. I have a few good days and a few bad days. I had to drop out of university and move back home with my mother due to my illness. I'm not asking anyone to feel sorry for me or having an un-ending pitty party; I divulge this very personal situation because I want anyone who might message me to know that there are extenuating circumstances that control my day to day existence.
In some ways I'm lonely for a companion. I miss having someone to talk to and laugh with and maybe even someone to cuddle with. I would love to have a sex life but right now that feels really impossible. Even more now because of how my health limits my abilities, I only want to get involved with someone who values more than just sex. Friends first is the only thing I can handle and only after friends could I offer more.
I just had to get this off my chest. I've met others who share my disease and many of them have reported that people they thought loved them left them over their illness. This has taught me that I can't burden anyone with my illness and even though I have the greatest desire to live fully and deeply I'm limited. I have to be careful who comes in my life.
I am a good girl with a big heart. Treat me with respect and I will return the same courtesy. Do not even bother talking to me if all you want is sex. Go to the Strip joint and have a blast if you want to find an easy slut, but I'm not one of them. I'm not a free lay.
I'm still a dork, that hasn't changed. And there is ALWAYS a lot going on in my head and my life.
I'm a deep thinker, which inevitably will lead to my down fall (kidding). I'm an intellectual and good stimulating conversation makes me happy. More often than not I start the conversation and dominate it. (I try not to, just can't help it sometimes.. I'm working on it. Can't help being smart. lol) I'm witty, sarcastic and my humor can be a bit dry. I find humor in everything and I know how to laugh at myself even though I take myself seriously. I'm self motivated, and independent. I'm probably a little arrogant (and that's probably genetic. I take after my father in that respect).
I am Witty, Analytical, and Dry-Humored
:( I used to work out as much as I could as often as I had the energy to do so but the energy to run 5 miles 5 days a week isn't there at the moment and now my health is so bad I can't work out like I used to. I used to love getting on a treadmill or an elliptical machine and run till I was tired but that's not a possibility anymore.
On a good day, I like to play pool. Nights in playing board games are awesome. I love to write for my own personal enjoyment. One of my good friends says I need to write erotic novels for a living but eh, we shall see.... Maybe one day I'll make money off that talent. I'm always open to meeting new people with similar interests and trying new things or 'educational' experiences. Museums anyone?
I wish I had more shame, but I don't. Sex and just about every other topic of conversation is free game with me.
TV: I Love The Walking Dead HOUSE M.D., Boston Legal, Scandal, Burn Notice, Royal Pains, CSI Miami, NCIS, Grimm, Castle, Justified, Law & Order SVU, just always have a lot of things that are more important than watching TV. I do watch things on Netflix and Youtube, but I always can find more important things to do than watch TV.
Movies, love movies, Comedy, Romance, Historical movies, some fantasy, Action. Love it all but don't really have Favorite movies, just movies I like with actors/actresses I like.
Music I like almost all types except that horrible screaming heavy metal crap people mistakenly call music like kiss orn korn... I need some more exposure to classical, but I thoroughly enjoy what I've been exposed to, I like pop, some jazz, hip-hop, SOME rap, alternative, rock, some latin, generally I like most music. Lately I've really been really hung up on All Time Low. Just really grooving to "Come one, Come All" lately. Makes a great song to sprint to; ya know, treadmill on a speed of 8.5 or 9.0. :)
Food I'll try anything once. I love sushi, can't stomach mexican food for the most part (only the chips ,tortillas, and queso) and end up eating italian and japanese/chinese ALOT.
Great food (dark chocolate... Hot Tea... Chicken Noodle Soup)
Sadly I'm glued to my cell phone and Ipod. So maybe thats seven. oh well.
I really crave a deep emotional and mental bond with a person I plan to sleep with, other wise what's the point of real sex with out brain sex? It just doesn't last... I had a long relationship during my adolescence into adulthood with an older guy. He wanted us to get married, me to move to NYC to be with him and I wanted him to grow up. After 8years, I dumped him and ever since I've missed the intimacy you have with someone. In the private space of the bedroom when you can be your most vulnerable and passionate the most beautiful experiences can happen. I miss the kisses and making out and I miss the physical warmth of sharing a bed with a good man... ah C'est pas bon mal et C'est la Vie....
I've kinda realized I'm a sucker for tall blue eyed men. Something about blues eyes radiates trustworthiness and yet blue eyed men are the best liars.
I have found someone I am now involved with romantically, but if you would just like a good friends, someone to talk to about anything, I'm available to platonic friendship.