I'm just miserable and spiteful. I get up every day cursing the sky, filled with bitter hatred. My goal is to make everyone around me as miserable as me! I'm very passive aggressive and emotionally needy.

I'm also an active member, in good standing, of the Westboro Baptist Church.

When I'm not out stealing money from orphans, I like to leave disparaging comments on social media sites.

I also like to reverse cat call, that's where I moo at passing women.

Other than that, I also like to go to restaurants, be a huge pain, and leave a two cent tip.

I also volunteer at a kill only animal shelter (no adoptions). I also raise money for cancer, not cancer treatment, just cancer.

- Shooting down every suggestion the group has for a restaurant.
- Turning out in front of people and driving slow
- Complaining about everything.
- Just generally being "that guy"

My disposition.

Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music

The Internet (to complain), my dogs (I love to let them bark all night), the gym (I don't work out, I just go there and grunt loudly), my Bluetooth earpiece, Axe body spray, condescension (look it up).

How to steal the joy from others.

Calling the cops on moderately noisy neighbors.

Drinking alone and sending vague and creepy texts to female acquaintances (I have no friends).

Volunteering at the National Center for the Encouragement of Child Abandonment (NCECA)

I know how annoying I am.

Don't bother. Can you even read?

Women don't tend to go for nice guys like me anyway.