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referencejoke

33 Oakland, CA Woman

Woman

I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 30–42
  • Near me
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 8:43am
Orientation
Bisexual
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Aries, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Education
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Non-monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This is placeholder text. I'm sick of everything I've ever written in this little box and I'm hoping there's enough information in the other little boxes that you'll forgive me. Perhaps you can suggest some Mad Libs-style sentence frames to get me started. (I am a [jiggly] [rhinoceros] with [squishy] [balls].) Until then, keep checking back for updates. Content available soon. Under Construction! Cue flashing gifs.

*-Thanks for the tip on the correct spelling** of rhinoceros. You know who you are. Those of you who noticed and didn't tell me (but maybe felt a little secretly superior about it)--shame on you!

**- While we're on the topic of spelling, thanks for all the offers of spelling help. Aside from having to occasionally look a word up or run it through spell-checker and my liberal use of the -ous suffix, I'm good with the spelling. Maybe there's something else we could talk about? Like something we have in common. Or that interesting thing that happened to you on BART the other day.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a first-grade teacher and I love my job. It's time-consuming, challenging work, though, so I try to balance it out with free-time activities like hiking, running (!!!), cooking, and bicycling. I also like dining with friends, listening to music, and yoga. These are just a few things I could think of off the top of my head.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Analogies, making people laugh, trying to do all the things, sometimes successfully doing all the things, napping (seriously, some people can't nap, those poor bastards!), running up hills, public speaking, cooking tasty things, listening, being a wiseass.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm usually pretty quiet when people first meet me, which makes it easy for me to sucker-punch them with my razor-sharp wit. Also, I have a real nice derriere.

Oh! And it occurs to me that someone reading this might think that I'm one firecracker of a woman, the kind that is EXHAUSTING to be around. I'm not. For all that I have going on in my head and in my life, I come across as amazingly calm--or so I'm told.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The loooooooooooooooong section. I won't be offended if you skim. (But, you know, if you send me a message and only say, "Haha, ur so rite. I totes didnt read the long section," it's going to be really hard for me to pick up the conversation from there.)

(some incomplete lists)

Authors: Chuck Palahniuk, Irvine Welsh, Christopher Moore, Vonnegut, Vendela Vida. I was a lit major in college, so I know a little bit about literature and tend to lean toward early-to-mid-century American literature. I love/hate James Joyce. I love/love J.D. Salinger, John Steinbeck, and other writers who are economical but not stingy with words. I feel the way you would expect me to feel about Hemingway, given that I am a former lit major with feminist tendencies. Dorothy Parker! I also like reading nonfiction-y things that bring out my not-so-inner geek. I love going to my local bookstores and browsing the display tables at the front for things that look interesting and somewhat informative. Examples: The Murder of Napoleon (one of my all-time favorites), Girl Sleuth, and Coming of Age on Zoloft. During the school year, it's hard for me to find the time to read very lengthy things that aren't work-related, so I tend to stick to well-executed essays and short stories.

Movies: I can't really come up with a list that accurately reflects my super-awesome taste in everything, so off the top of my head, here are a few movies that I really like and which, objectively speaking, probably don't suck--The Usual Suspects, Heathers, Bring It On, Secretary, An Education, Rear Window, Tangled, the Virgin Suicides, Charade, Ocean's Eleven. The Graduate is probably my favorite movie. I like a good movie, but the way to my heart probably isn't in referencing a movie I've mentioned here. In fact, here is an example of a conversation I have all the time:

Some person: Hey, have you seen [name of movie]? It's the best movie evererereerrrrrrrrr.
Me: No, I haven't seen it.
Some person: OH MY GOD, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? LET'S WATCH IT RIGHT NOW, AND I WILL ENHANCE YOUR MOVIE-WATCHING EXPERIENCE BY ADDING MY OWN NARRATIVE, AND TELLING YOU WHEN AN AWESOME THING IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN SO YOU EXPERIENCE IT IN EXACTLY THE WAY I WANT YOU TO!!!
Me: Can I just go outside and play?

TV shows I tend to watch lately: True Blood, Weeds (though I kind of lost interest about a season or so ago), Bob's Burgers, Buffy, Firefly, Arrested Development, Community, Parks & Recreation, the Daily Show. I watch some TERRIBLE sitcoms for some reason. I'm too ashamed to admit it most of the time but man, I can sit through some godawful TV. This and the fact that I can really geek out about TV tropes probably means I watch too much TV. I'm trying not to. That should be my "Most Private Thing You'd Make Public" or whatever, but that section annoys me.

Music (an incomplete list in no specific order):
Andrew Bird, Rainer Maria, Arcade Fire, Viva Voce, Belle & Sebastian, Phoenix, Neutral Milk Hotel, Grandaddy, Elliot Smith, Air, Alan Parsons Project, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Animals/Eric Burdon, Chicago, Talking Heads/David Byrne, Dreamdate, ELO, Thom Yorke/Radiohead, April March, Morrissey/The Smiths, Garbage, Jenny Lewis/Rilo Kiley, Johnny Cash, Kate Nash, Kimya Dawson, M.I.A., the Kinks, Ladytron, the Pixies, Quasi, REM, Shakira, Sleater-Kinney, Siouxsie, the Ventures, Weezer, the Who, Yo La Tengo, Tori Amos, Regina Spektor, the Zombies, Dick Dale, that band my friend is in, that band someone my friend knows is in, soundtracks from movies that were probably made so there could be a soundtrack, any show I don't have to pay for, decent subway musicians, the song that's currently stuck in my head, and that mixtape you'll make me.

Food: I'm mostly a label-reading, arugula-chomping, superfood-embracing crunchy hippie about food, but I still love cupcakes and bacon. I can definitely cook, and do so as much as I can.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
- Books & music
- Sunshine & exercise
- Family & friends
- Coffee & tea
- Ampersands & bullet points
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How brains work. Doing the right thing. The most efficient bike routes. Ways to make people laugh. Food. Sex.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Sometimes recuperating, sometimes seeking out low-key social things. Definitely unwinding somehow.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Thirty seconds ago, I had to look up how to spell "derriere," and then I had to look it up again to write this sentence.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
...you ACTUALLY read some to all of my profile. I know that there's a lot of text here, but I put it here because I think it might inform you as to who I am and what I'm all about. You might find some point where we really connect, or discover some dealbreakers and save us both some time. You don't have to read everything in one go. Didn't you learn to skim? Please don't send me a message telling me that you read NOTHING because there are a lot of words and words are hard. If this rant offends you and you feel that you SHOULD be able to send me a message telling me that there are a lot of words here, and that words ARE hard, maybe we're just not meant to be.

...and I just realized the irony of leaving a comment on my profile for the benefit of people who won't read my profile. Ha! I love it. I'm not changing it.

I'm nonmonogamous and bisexual (queer when that tickbox is available), but I'd love to hear from people who found some other part of my profile compelling.

If you can fix bikes or computers, it would be nice to have some of those types in my tribe to call on. My bike and computer are just fine at the moment, but you never know.

I'd love to find a hiking or running buddy, preferably someone who knows some good jokes.