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43 Oakland, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 28–49
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Oct 2
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Mostly other
Atheism, and laughing about it
Cancer, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from Ph.D program
Science / Engineering
Open relationship
Doesn’t want kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), French (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Intense, intelligent, big-hearted life-loving optimist seeks same.*

I'm a lover not a fighter. Ambitious yet playful, content where I am but striving for greatness. A bit of a smart ass. Self-aware, emotionally resilient. Masculine but non-traditional, fierce yet nurturing. I'm not afraid to wear bright colors, and I'm not afraid of intimacy. Aspiring alpha nerd. Busy with work and play, but not too busy to make time for you. A tiny bit arrogant sometimes, but I know it's a flaw and it happens less as I get older and understand deeply the difference between knowing I'm awesome and thinking I'm better than anyone else. If we become close I'm loyal and will take good care of you and go out of my way to help you. I love kids and animals but don't currently have or want any. I don't take anything too seriously, including myself. I am fundamentally kind. I understand that the world is amazing. For the right people, I'm a total catch.

I am in a stable, joyful, crazy awesome long-term open partnership. If you're exclusively looking for single guys, this is the perfect time to stop reading; I don't get any more single further down. My partner and I do live together and are deeply committed, but we don't identify our relationship as primary, and I won't label you as secondary: Let's let what happens between us find its own level, from a flirty friendship to getting deep into each other's hearts.

* Actually you don't have to be intense. Either way on that. I just didn't want to write "Intense, intelligent, big-hearted life-loving optimist seeks same, except really you don't have to be intense even though I am, but you do have to be all the other things" as my first sentence. It doesn't really ring, does it?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Careerwise, I'm all about using computers and math to make the world a better place. I build computational systems that understand music and speech. I spend half my time kicking ass and the other half taking names. It is amazing and wonderful and I love it. Currently I am straddling the border between being part of the show and running the show, which is causing a minor identity crisis, but hey, life is growth.

When I'm not working, I'm often dancing. In a good week I will blues dance and take African and hiphop classes, but I'm busy so there aren't a lot of good weeks. I travel some for blues dance. I am interested in learning more salsa, zouk, and tango, so if you're interested in those hit me up.

When I'm not working or dancing, I'm often making music, mostly piano and some singing. I play a little guitar. [I play with little skill; the guitar is regular-sized.] Musical collaborators welcome.

When I'm not working or dancing or making music, I'm hanging out with friends and loved ones, relaxing, going for walks, having long talks, figuring stuff out, cooking, bouldering, making mischief, watching sunsets, reading, being silly, taking you on an awesome date. I leave a lot of time for these things because they are important.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Talking. Talking too fast. Listening. Cuddling. Wordplay. Blues and swing dancing. Asking good questions. Giving compliments. Offending people accidentally. Cooking. Using semicolons. Talking about feelings. Talking dirty. Romantic gestures. Math. Having a great time. Caring about people. Breaking into song. Singing in pig latin. Smooching. Forgetting my keys. Pushing you up against a wall. Learning things. Looking good in clothes. Looking good naked. Having eight ridiculous ideas and one great one. Going rogue. Recognizing how amazing you are. Pulling your hair. Making you blush.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I'm crackin' wise? That I'm prettier in real life?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Long lists make my eyes glaze over. They're the part of your profile I'm most likely to skip. I'm happy if we like the same stuff so we can gush about it, and I'm happy if we like different stuff so I can learn.

Music: Ray Charles. Ratatat. Artists that don't start with 'Ra'. When I was 14 and I had a giant crush on Suzie Evans from my class, I asked her what kind of music she liked and she said "eclectic" and that was the most adorable answer ever. Smart and sophisticated! Over the years I realized that almost everybody describes their tastes as eclectic, but I still think of her a little each time. Anyways, my music tastes are eclectic. Just like yours. No, really. I probably can't overemphasize how much I like music. Let's talk about it. Let's bust out singing.

Food: Real food from real ingredients. Home cooking. Foodie restaurants. High-quality burgers. Tacos. Yes to food!

Movies: 12 Monkeys. Spirited Away. Up. Moonrise Kingdom. Shawshank Redemption. City of Lost Children. Brick. Strictly Ballroom. The Hudsucker Proxy.

TV: The Wire. Avatar: The Last Airbender. Mad Men. Archer. Arrested Development. House. Breaking Bad. BoJack Horseman.

Fiction: Mieville. Le Guin. Chabon. Morgan. Vance. Murakami. Byatt.

Nonfiction: Books about brain science, love, sex, meditation, math, animals, infrastructure. Academic papers about artificial intelligence and signal processing and the auditory system.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How to reduce information overload. How to live a simpler but richer and more meaningful life with more focus on what matters. How to leave the world a better place than I find it. How not to be super weird.

That moment in the Little Mermaid when Sebastian says "Will you get your head out of the clouds and back in the water where it belongs?" and Ariel says "I'll swim up to his castle, then Flounder will splash around to get his attention, and then..." and Sebastian cuts her off. But I always wonder: "and then WHAT?" What good thing could possibly happen next? What was she going to say?

Whether I should fib and say I'm 2" taller or a little younger, which I hear is the norm on OKC? [If it says 5'4" and 43, I decided not to fib.]
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
out dancing, listening to or making music, cooking all the things, studying math*, reading a novel, snuggled up watching a movie, taking you on an amazing date.

* Yeah, that's right, I just admitted I like studying math. Sometimes even on a Friday night. If you're not cool with that we're probably not a good match.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am constantly wearing holes in the crotches of my pants. Regular pants were not built to handle my gyrations.

I buy three books a week and I read one book every three weeks. At least it often feels that way. I'm trying to cut down. I have learned that the Japanese have a word for this: tsundoku.

In bed I'm often dominant and kinky, but hey GGG and it doesn't have to be the same way with everyone. I'm more the "take charge" sort of dominant than the "we need equipment" sort. My mind is full of dirty thoughts. Just like yours I hope.

I love drawing but I'm not very good at it.

I do not love camping. I want to love it but I don't. I love being outside, but I'm really more of a hike or ride bikes all day and then eat a fancy dinner and stay in a nice hotel with a super comfy bed and a two-person jacuzzi tub kind of guy. I am open to exploring this more.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
- You have a thing for adorable, aggressive, brash but sweet, dominant but kind, smart married Jewish men with big personalities.
- You can make me laugh.
- You're into good food and cooking.
- You're down with new facial hair every couple of months.
- You want to dance with me.
- You're wicked smart.
- You want to make music together.
- You think nerds are hot.
- You're sex-positive.
- You want to hike / run / lift / climb together.
- You understand that the world is amazing, and leaving it a better place than you found it is important to you.
- You don't want me to talk dirty to you when I first message you back, but you want me to talk dirty to you eventually.
- You're big into physical affection and cuddling and making out.
- You want to connect both emotionally and physically.
- You have a song you've been listening to 100 times in a row and you want to share it. Seriously to all of you who have done this, thank you.

We're probably not a good match if:
- You spend more time watching sports than watching movies or reading.
- You spend most of your year planning for Burning Man.
- You're vegan.

Musicians, dancers, artists and scientists of all types are especially welcome.