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52 Elgin, IL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 30–54
  • Near me
  • Who are single

My details

Last online
May 23
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Full figured
Buddhism, and somewhat serious about it
Pisces, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from masters program
Science / Engineering
Rather not say
Has kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), French (Poorly), Bengali (Poorly), Albanian (Poorly), Sanskrit (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.

I am presently married to WILD_crafter. She is a magnificent woman and we have a tremendous connection. She is extremely good to me and I find her to be incredibly amazing. She makes me feel special and alive. This is a very rare thing. Feel free to come visit us in the forums. We rarely hang out in there these days, but strangely enough, that is where we first met. So, while the forums are clearly an absurd phenomenon, they can also be a mythical life changing experience, yes? All things are possible.


Just waitin' on a friend. She's a woman who shares similar philosophies, knows her true self, appreciates who that is, and would like a man to appreciate her. I like comedy, satire, politics, music, literature, Rilke, Emerson, Yeats, philosophy, harmony, nature, rivers, theatre, travel...and yes...unhurried morning coffee. Excessively long meals and conversation. Blues, jazz and folk music rank right up there with this amateur keyboard player. Lazy unhurried intimate Sunday morning lovemaking (apologies to fundamentalists interested in repressing all human impulses, but I must confess to a healthy interest in sex). Bowling is also good. Skeeball ranks even higher than bowling, although not quite as high as sex. Ever watch Dogma? Skeeball is an end unto itself. Boats. Oceans. Rivers. The occasional mid-summer baseball game with beer.

I'm open to anything and everything that's not the everyday American virtual reality least common denominator sludge. Still, if you're 'good company', you can twist my arm on occasions to do things I probably wouldn't do otherwise. I'm flexible and resilient like the willow. Laughter is non-negotiable as a character attribute and my only unyielding requirement is a warm smile and a sense of humor. You must laugh and smile in this life to understand where faith comes from and maintain balance. If this sounds like you, we'll share common ground right away. I would be delighted to shoot a game of pool and share a drink with a woman who could appreciate a new friend. Give a shout and let's share a few laughs.

It is unimportant what piece of geography you call home: we're all carbon-based units with hopes, desires, fears, failures, talents and potential. I don't care about your vocation or whether you have--or don't have--children. Just smile more than you frown. It would be fantastic if your smile is warm, relaxed, authentic and graceful because it's displayed by a soul astonished by the miracle of just being alive. A keen desire to make learning an end unto itself is very attractive. A forgiving, patient and caring nature is quite charming.

As for being active? Here's my perspective. I can climb mountains and hike 30 miles up 15,000 feet or cross the Utah desert in mid-July; I can also spend an entire day achieving less than a bag of romaine lettuce in the fridge. I like both and BOTH have value and purpose. I enjoy meditation and yoga. One should strive to quiet the mind to find balance. It is good to know how to relax, sit still, find a moment of Zen, simply feel, and listen to the world around us. I hope this is absorbed as the smoothly-blended cocktail of pragmatism and jubilation I intended it to be. Hugs and whirled peas, beautiful ladies--gentlemen, trannies, creepers, freaks, trolls, socks, serial killers, cyborgs, clones, genetic accidents and shoe salesmen also--and I thank you all so much for your indulgence of my quirky ramblings.

I am known as river in the forums, and in the real world as Tom.

FLESCH-KINCAID DISCLAIMER: My profile scored 60 on the Flesch-Kincaid readability test and should be easily understood by a wide demographic of readers. If you are aroused or amused by unconventional and complex language with readability scores comparable to that of the Harvard Law Review, please advise, and I'll be pleased to supply some of my inconceivably monotonous publications to help you overcome insomnia for life.

I am sardonic, entropic, warm, and introspective
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Looking for love in all the wrong places (OKC?) and living life as best I can. I've entered into another career change phase in recent times, and have begun to suspect that I may not discover my true calling until I'm 83. Absolutely nothing wrong with that either. As Matthew Fox puts it, "Inner work is finding joy in work. Our real work is heart work and soul work."

I do like to travel, and I've not done as much of this in recent times. I have had the opportunity to travel to 48 states and more than a dozen countries. I've lived in America's 3 largest cities and moved many more times than I care to admit. St. Augustine considered the world a great big book, such that those who never travel read only one page. On the other hand, Whitman considered travel "a fools paradise" and Burroughs noted, "Travel and society polish one, but a rolling stone gathers no moss, and a little moss is a good thing on a man." As certain realities have restricted travel for me in recent times, I find myself focusing more on my 'moss', which is probably a positive thing for my inner vagabond.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Making a mess.
Eliciting laughter.
Random acts of consideration and kindness.
Big warm hugs.
Letting public policy and politics get me very animated.
Putting others first.
Courtesy and civility (after years of self-discipline).
Puns...painful 'groaners'. Really. Don't encourage me.
Making phenomenal breakfasts (wicked good french toast, killer expresso, creative omelets, authentic scattered hash browns the way the potato deities intended them).
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have a third eye in the center of my forehead and long mooselike antlers. If they can get past that, my smile and my teeth (for whatever reason) receive praise on occasion.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Are you serious? Let's not be so pedantic, okay...?

On books. We should always remember to never judge a book by its movie.

On food. A sandwich is an unsuccessful attempt to make both ends meat. You are advised to be a safe eater and always use a condiment. Bear in mind that the hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. Cooking is a minor art; I can't imagine a hilarious soufflé, or a deeply moving stew....Thank you; I'll be here all week.

On movies. Each of these fascinates me for various reasons.
Star Trek | The Watchmen | Slumdog Millionaire
A Clockwork Orange | Altered States
Beautiful Girls | Before Sunset
Bette Blue | Better Off Dead
Blade Runner | Box of Moonlight
Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine
EVERYTHING from Zucker, Abrahams & Zucker
Friday Night Lights
Ghost Dog | Gladiator
Grosse Point Blank | Heat
Lord of the Rings | Pulp Fiction
Rear Window | Repo Man
Scent of A Woman | Shawshank Redemption
Taxi Driver | The Graduate
The Interpreter | The Last Samurai
The Perfect Storm | The Razor's Edge

On a more serious note (if I must), it is critically important to have influences, icons, authors, teachers and mentors.
The list grows on...

Bob Dylan | Deepak Chopra | Thomas Moore
Everett Rogers | Tracey Westen | Erich Fromm
Matthew Fox | Theodore Roosevelt
Wendell Berry | Robert Hunter | Swami Rama
Mark Twain | Bonnie Raitt
Michael Harrington | Janis Joplin
Joseph Campbell | Walt Whitman
Billie Jean King | Robert Bly
Sam Keen | W.B. Yeats | Carl Jung
Rainer Maria Rilke (arguably the most gifted poet of the 20th century)

On Music.
The Pogues | Leonard Cohen | Tom Waits
A Perfect Circle | Tom Petty | Beck
The Grateful Dead | Big Audio Dynamite
The Clash | Miles Davis | Chris Issak
David Bowie | De La Soul
Sarah Maclachlan | Dead Kennedys
Iggy Pop | Jewel | Irene Sage
Elvis Costello | Graham Parker
Charles Mingus | Joe Jackson
Joe Satriani | John Coltrane
Joe Strummer | Lou Reed
Medeski Martin & Wood | Nick Lowe
Nine Inch Nails | Oingo Boingo
Peter Gabriel | Prince | Janis Joplin
Red Hot Chili Peppers | Steve Vai
They Might Be Giants | Young Weasels
Hayley Westenra | John Prine
Bonnie Raitt | Afro Celt Sound System

On Keyboards. Love 'em; played 10 years.
Keith Emerson | Rick Wakeman
Billy Joel | Ray Manzarek
Elton John | Jon Lord
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Opposable thumbs
2. Bean pie (pecan or butter can suffice as a distant second if necessary)
3. Online dating sites asking me moronic questions
4. Comfortable old shoes
5. Rivers
6. Smart unpredictable and passionate women who can see right through all this profiling nonsense and get to the soulful stuff.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
- Why it seems so incredibly difficult for some folks to just take a chance and meet someone new.

[JUNE 2011 UPDATE: This item is no longer currently applicable. I am in a wonderful relationship and quite happy. However, I consider my changed status a gift, something unique and rare, and still think this dynamic applies more often than not...especially for the 'over 40' crowd.]

- Why I've walked the path I've walked.
- Whether I ever really had a choice one way or the other, because who we are determines our destiny, and the steps I chose seemed right at the time.
- Why love is so extraordinarily fragile and ephemeral, and how sometimes attempting to hold on to it is like trying to consistently win any game at a traveling carnival...the house generally wins.

[JUNE 2011 UPDATE: This is one remains true and still scares me. However, my current relationship is so 'easy' and 'comfortable'. I am encouraged that Maria and I strive not to take each other for granted and that we have the capacity to nurture and evolve our connection so that it sill not be as 'fragile' as many that have passed before it.]

- Where I will go from here with all of the knowledge and experience I've amassed from both mistakes as well as blessings and good fortune.
- Whether the knowledge I've aggregated is the 'right' knowledge and that quite possibly (probably?) vocational and educational forums don't even HAVE the 'right' knowledge.
- The kind of world my children will inherit and how their lives will play out as their journey unfolds.
- How I deteriorated to the point where I waste so much of my time in the OKCUPID SEXUALITY FORUM....Nah; I'm being facetious. I've actually stopped asking that question now, because after all these months, I think I know the answer. It's fun and painful. It's smart and ignorant. It's hilarious and it's hideous. It's serious soul-searching and it's contrived drama. It's a living paradox, much like life itself. But doggone it: there are some damn good souls in there, and some people I'm not only proud to have met, but am even prouder to call my friends. When I first joined this site, I used to draw a hard line between who I am in the forums vs. who I am in my profile--as if to suggest that they are two different people with competing objectives. But I think my conclusion was in error. As time has worn on, I have observed an evolving convergence of these two elements, and now view them merely as different facets of a singular complex personality. As such, I make no apologies for this enigmatic energy that is...ME. So, if you really want to get to know me (e.g., the witty, the vulgar, the passionate, the cruel, the kind, the loving, the laughable, the sensitive, the sardonic, etc.) and gather some insight, I invite you to examine some of the archives of my adventures therein, a few of which are archived in my:

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It is updated monthly...if the spirit moves me. In the forums, I am full of sound and fury signifying something, and understanding what makes people tick requires more than just a single essay absorbed during a single moment in time. That is a lesson the forums can teach. So please feel free to stop by and bump a thread or two with us.

# # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # #

[JUNE 2011 UPDATE: The above item is no longer true, but I shall leave my 2009 assessment in place to commemorate what was once a marvelously entertaining adventure. To be candid, I languished under some horrific IRL conditions when I first joined the OKC realm. Extended unemployment can seriously curtail one's ability to engage others IRL and thus, OKCSF became a 'social lifeline' that helped me to reduce frustration and the feeling of isolation during The Great Recession. It transcended even the desire for female companionship and a woman at the time and the forums fulfilled a different kind of need to 'participate'. I remain grateful for the many e-friends I met on my journey and a few who became bona fide IRL friends.

Yet, everything changes and SF is no different. The vast majority of the posters I enjoyed interacting with no longer participate in OKCSF. It seems as if the creativity and nature of the posts and the once-playful nature of the environment have diminished significantly in the past few years, and the demands of IRL work, life and a relationship are such that I no longer have either the time nor the desire to spend 4-5 hours a day weaving threads and debating socks. I was once the duly appointed Monarch of OKCSF and ruled that forum during what was certainly its most glorious e-dynasty. Yet, many of my loyal subjects have since disabled, deleted and faded into the mist, along with my fiercest e-rivals and e-adversaries. Without a Hector, Achilles' has no stage upon which he can achieve greater glories, and so, I am undone.

I am currently prepared to accept that SF may no longer be a favored territory in my vast empire. Accordingly, I am evaluating other forums and will choose one for an e-migration. Once there, I shall inevitably plant my flag upon the soil, vanquish all e-enemies in my path and establish an imposing new monarchy. I will probably have to be patient because I simply will not have a lot of time to invest in this agenda, but it is always better to over-reach: passive ambition usually achieves mediocre results.]
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
A day older than I was on Thursday night, but not as old as those in time zones where it is already Saturday. I'm not entirely certain why the OKC profiling team has opted to attach such importance to Friday relative to other days of the week, but if we must, so be it.

On Fridays, I typically arise each morning to feed the llamas. Then, it's off to the duct tape factory for hours of mind-numbing agony. Not much gets accomplished because all of our employees are nihilists, deconstructionists and futurists. The nihilists feel neither our lives nor our product has any purpose while the deconstructionists resist our entire assembly line processes on the grounds they are irreconcilably contradictory. Whenever we miraculously get a few rolls produced, the futurists seize it and create sculptures of duct tape warriors they believe represent the technological triumph of man over nature. I sometimes fear we may be headed for Chapter 11 insolvency if management doesn't turn the ship around.

At any rate, on the way home from the plant, I often stop by my favorite asylum for the criminally insane to play a few rounds of Parcheesi with the fellas. Then, it's off for a chili five ways -- plus extra oyster crackers -- at Steak 'n Shake before returning home to study Keynesian economic theory. A caffeine-free camomile tea often caps off the evening nicely.

Recently, I can be found hanging out with WILD as we sample exotic oils, single malt scotches, wines and forbidden fruit. Soon, we will be heading to a local billiards establishment to shoot some stick. We have not yet played skeeball, but we will get to that soon enough.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've been known to talk to myself out loud....GASP! [incredulous looks}. While some like to poke fun at this, I refer them to Timothy Leary's marvelous philosophy when the government put him in solitary confinement: "What's the problem? All I've got to talk to is the most intelligent person I know! What's the problem there?" I would never allege I'm anywhere remotely as smart as Dr. Leary, but I admire his self-discipline and personal fortitude in the face of adversity. Remind me to tell you about his prison psych test -- that's a great story for those who appreciate a little anti-establishment and rebellion in an often compartmentalized world. :)
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
- You'd like to have a good time without making everything incredibly complicated and can just let life unfold.
- I messaged you. Why? Because I over think things a lot, read profiles thoroughly and look for the hidden nuances in your words and pictures to determine if there is the possibility we might connect, and if I wasn't serious about communicating with you in depth, I wouldn't have wasted the time.
- You would like to meet one of the good guys...not one of the perfect guys and not one of the guys not loaded with flaws and quirks and eccentricities...but one of the guys who reveres women and will do his best to leave you with a favorable impression.
- You're down with simply meeting a man for a drink, a coffee, a walk, a talk, and no expectation that the two of us will become friends, best friends, soul mates, mortal enemies or anything at all -- because nothing goes anywhere without that trivial but all-important investment of time and effort to follow even the slightest of hunches.
- You are strong enough to cope with the debilitating disappointment of discovering that I favor Dots over Jujubees or Jujyfruits (because the green gumdrops should be lime flavored gelatin and NOT mint-flavored...and because no gumdrop should ever taste like licorice); I refuse to compromise on this pig-headed position; and, I am recalcitrant with my tradition of ensuring that the last delightfully chewable cone-shaped treat awaiting consumption in the box be a RED one. Break my heart if you must, but do not stand between me and my Dots.