ESQ : "do you usually give interviews totally naked ?"
RJ : "well doing laundry once in two weeks does curtail my wardrobe options . also , ich bin half austrian like bruno"
ESQ : "so what's a guy like you doing on okcupid ?"
RJ : "your hollywood movies show that a guy that looks like bill murray could pick up chicks like scarlet johanson at bars . i discovered this was all lies ... i was forced to go online !"
ESQ : "and what are you with doing your life now?"
RJ : "well once my political emigre status was accepted by the lovely people at the INS (aka H1 visa) , i decided to meet with other radicals , intellectuals and artists . unfortunately i picked advertising to continue my artistic endeavors . my coworkers are like republican presidential candidates , but with less scruples"
ESQ : "so rohan , what is your idea of a great friday night ?"
RJ : "depends on how many wii titles i can pick"
ESQ : "we mean out ... on a date"
RJ : "oh . well , somewhere where there's no suits , hipsters , NYU frat boys and no one who can call my bluff on the schmaltz i spin . and preferably no bill murray , that guy kills a dude's chances"
ESQ : "what do you look for in a woman ?"
RJ : "well after simple procreative compatibility has been established ... 1. she doesn't luuurve the alchemist or have a JK rowling poster in her bedroom 2. she NEVER messes with my gym time 3. humour is like air to her 4. she looks great in jeans , or at least my friends think she does 5. she won't tell my buddies that i've watched every episode of gilmore girls 6. i was totally kidding about the gym thing , although i probably shouldn't be"
ESQ : "what advice would you give ladies registered with okcupid ?"
RJ : "restrict yourself to one picture of your pet in your profile , offer to cover the tab our first evening out , remember that not ALL our jokes can be gems , and carrying pepper spray is never a bad idea"
ESQ : "thank you for your time"