I hate going to the store and watching people leave the cart by their car and drive away. The cart goes back in the cart return, three feet from your car, you lazy moron. Don't worry, I'll take it there for you, so your kids can see through the windshield that at least one of us has sense enough to keep the way clear for other cars, even if it's me rather than you. You are welcome.
I don't do transitions very well, so I'll just dive right into my next topic.
I wish I had a megaphone rigged up to my car that would let me say things like "the speed limit does not mean plus or minus 20mph" as I'm passing or being passed. The freeway is a scary place, causing most cars to shake themselves apart at some point. Let's all cooperate and try not to cause a pileup that will shorten the lives of innocent cars.
I am also an atheist, as my profile states, but I'm not an asshole atheist. I don't go around disproving the religious beliefs of others for fun. I merely have my own beliefs, and they may differ from yours. We don't have to discuss anything about it, you and I. Life is too short to hold one's religious convictions or lack thereof against them.
I know atheism is scary from the outside, but we don't eat babies. At least I don't. Babies are really too chewy for my taste. I prefer the cows and chickens and soybeans that everyone else eats.
A note about my photos on here: The reason I chose grainy, awful arty photos of myself rather than the face-and-abs combos known to sites like this is simply because I feel that as an artist, it's my duty to represent myself in a truer light than others might represent themselves. I'm supposed to be more self-aware, after all. Right?
So one day, when I was ill with what I can only assume was the plague, I decided to liven up my photos and make myself look a bit more like a relevant dead guy.
I recite poetry on city buses. You may ask me why, and that's a good question. I bet my therapist would know the answer to that one.
I love everyone who has a picture of them visiting some awesome expensive destination. You aren't better than me, poopmouth! I just spend my money on making sure my car runs and my rent gets paid.
Oreo cookies denied. You don't get any.
Caution: proceed no further if you have a penis and felt the need to assert your moral will over the vaginas over women everywhere by answering "no" to that question about "is abortion an option in the case of accidental pregnancy," because what's between the lines there is a very loaded question. I will translate: is abortion an option if you have been raped? Because while not all accidental pregnancies are rape, you are still saying "you need to carry that rape baby to term and let it remind you every day of what happened because I felt the need to be what society deems moral and looked no further into the question."
I am not here to meet assholes and people who believe there is a lesser gender. Watch your answers.