There will be no "self-summary." There will only be my thoughts. That way, you can come to your own conclusion. There's too much emphasis on selling oneself like a slice of processed cheese. I much prefer to be the cow.

I hate going to the store and watching people leave the cart by their car and drive away. The cart goes back in the cart return, three feet from your car, you lazy moron. Don't worry, I'll take it there for you, so your kids can see through the windshield that at least one of us has sense enough to keep the way clear for other cars, even if it's me rather than you. You are welcome.

I don't do transitions very well, so I'll just dive right into my next topic.

I wish I had a megaphone rigged up to my car that would let me say things like "the speed limit does not mean plus or minus 20mph" as I'm passing or being passed. The freeway is a scary place, causing most cars to shake themselves apart at some point. Let's all cooperate and try not to cause a pileup that will shorten the lives of innocent cars.

I am also an atheist, as my profile states, but I'm not an asshole atheist. I don't go around disproving the religious beliefs of others for fun. I merely have my own beliefs, and they may differ from yours. We don't have to discuss anything about it, you and I. Life is too short to hold one's religious convictions or lack thereof against them.

I know atheism is scary from the outside, but we don't eat babies. At least I don't. Babies are really too chewy for my taste. I prefer the cows and chickens and soybeans that everyone else eats.

A note about my photos on here: The reason I chose grainy, awful arty photos of myself rather than the face-and-abs combos known to sites like this is simply because I feel that as an artist, it's my duty to represent myself in a truer light than others might represent themselves. I'm supposed to be more self-aware, after all. Right?

So one day, when I was ill with what I can only assume was the plague, I decided to liven up my photos and make myself look a bit more like a relevant dead guy.

I recite poetry on city buses. You may ask me why, and that's a good question. I bet my therapist would know the answer to that one.

I love everyone who has a picture of them visiting some awesome expensive destination. You aren't better than me, poopmouth! I just spend my money on making sure my car runs and my rent gets paid.

So there.

Oreo cookies denied. You don't get any.

Caution: proceed no further if you have a penis and felt the need to assert your moral will over the vaginas over women everywhere by answering "no" to that question about "is abortion an option in the case of accidental pregnancy," because what's between the lines there is a very loaded question. I will translate: is abortion an option if you have been raped? Because while not all accidental pregnancies are rape, you are still saying "you need to carry that rape baby to term and let it remind you every day of what happened because I felt the need to be what society deems moral and looked no further into the question."

I am not here to meet assholes and people who believe there is a lesser gender. Watch your answers.

Writing. Try these links!

My novel: http://antiochthenovel.blogspot.com/
My blog: http://shortfictionanthology.blogspot.com/
My short stories: http://shortfictionanthology.blogspot.com/
iYAY!

I was going to try to become a professor of English, but then two things happened. I shall share.

1) I read my profiles on social networking sites, and realized I do not have the grammar chops for it.

2) I realized that there would be a big pile of dead bodies in the corner of my classroom.

So, I have decided to pursue a Masters in Creative Writing, which has literally no practical application in the real world unless you have a career before your first year of school (check.)

I am also going for computer technology, because tech students get hellagrants, and I am poor.

Fixing computers. I have become the computer guy of my family. All my crinkly old relatives call me when pogo and AOL go down. I have godlike powers and can restore servers from my home, it seems. This likely warrants a medal of some sort.

My eyes and my sense of humor.

Favorites are overrated and allow people to think things like "ohhh no no, no Shirley Jackson fans."

My car, my computers, writing, The Sims, housing, food

Exploding buildings. Iced coffee. Buying my hometown and turning it into a parking lot. Not that I'm bitter.

Lying on my bed or floor realizing that I hate ladybugs with more intensity that I can describe.

Private is relative.

You want a new friend. Just message me. Of course, you might read my about me and think "oh boy, this dude just flipped his table" and move on to someone shiny and thin and who opens with "OMG I NUVUR NO WUT 2 SAY IN THEES THINGZ" and message him. Those guys tend to be less threatening, and you don't have to feed them as often, because they only eat really expensive food purchased by rich old men.