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42 Fredericksburg, VA Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 37–51
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
May 6
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body type
Mostly anything
Christianity, but not too serious about it
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Politics / Government
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and dislikes cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Although I know this is the part where I’m supposed to charm you into believing that I’m the perfect woman, I’m not going to. In the spirit of truth in advertising, I thought it best to just be honest & highlight a few of what I have been told are my less stunning attributes. After all, liking the best parts of someone is the easy part; tolerating the rest is what usually makes or breaks it. Sooo… 1) I’m not blond, ditzy or high-maintenance & I don’t have fake breasts (all of which appear to be unfortunate preferences these days). 2) I’m pretty independent & was once dumped by a guy after I got a flat tire and fixed it myself instead of calling him. Despite that independent streak, I do love a good foot or backrub after wrestling with a tire-iron. 3) I’m more of a chick than a girly-girl; I prefer beer over foo-foo drinks, I don’t live on the phone, & I’m not fond of shopping unless I have to. 4) Sometimes I snort when I laugh, but only if you get me laughing REALLY hard. 5) I occasionally forget that brutal honesty is frequently just that - brutal. You never have to wonder what I’m thinking because I’ll usually just throw it out there. 6) I have a wild and sometimes profane sense of humor, as well as the occasional truck-driver mouth when provoked (and sometimes unprovoked). 7) As much as I am capable of & enjoy the dazzling dress-up, I am inherently comfortable in a baseball hat & sandals, or a pair of jeans. I'm also not much of a "club person" these days; mostly because baby seals are adorable. On the occasional dance floor, "I've got the moves like Jagger"... that is, if Jagger was having an epileptic seizure. And I run very similar to the character Phoebe from the show "Friends" (which also looks a little like an epileptic seizure)...perhaps not quite as uncoordinated. 8) I like to sleep in shamefully & astonishingly late on the weekends if nothing else beckons me, but i welcome unexpected adventures (most of the time). 9) I have a serious aversion to seafood and I’m DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO CATS (if you have one, sorry, it's a deal breaker and I cannot date you). 10) I cringe a little when I read profiles employing the use of the cliches: “Life is too short,” & “Looking for my partner in crime.” Life isn’t short, actually, & any amount of time spent with the wrong person makes it REALLY long. And if you’re a criminal looking for a partner, why would I want to date you? It's far more probable I will turn you in for the reward money. 11) I will likely take you down like Christmas lights in January during a game of pool and gloat about it while you sulk & make feeble comments like, “I let you win.” 12) I am completely lost on the practice of putting photos of landscapes, trucks, boats, & pets (unless you're also in them) on a dating profile. When I view a profile containing more pictures of things or places than of the person the profile is supposed to represent, I generally mumble unkind words, frequently ending in "tard," until four seconds later when I click out of that profile. Incidentally, if you are reading this & you happen to be an impressively literate flower, sunset, a slaughtered deer/fish head, a Chevy monster truck, or a pit bull, I wish you luck on finding your mate here. 13) I am innately suspicious of profiles without pictures; this would be the three dimensional equivalent of going to a social outing with a bag over your head & still hoping someone will go home with you (for some, this approach might actually work out better...jus' sayin'). If you're not bold enough to post a photo of yourself, then you're probably not bold enough for me to go out with either. I not-so-secretly suspect that people who won't post photos are either a) married, b) really unattractive & they're aware of this, c) on a top-10 wanted list somewhere or d) so developmentally & technologically challenged they can't figure out how to create/load a digital image of themselves & they have no friends who can show them how to do it. 14) I currently sleep with a large, hairy male with bad breath & an occasional humping problem, but I would gladly kick my dog out of bed for someone who is a better kisser (kidding; I don't let him on the bed, but he is a decent kisser). 15) I'm pretty well travelled & a prolific reader. Either/both of which have made me into a bit of an English snob. If your profile and/or e-mails are illiterate, I probably can't get past that. I am completely aware that this makes me a bad & judgmental person, so there is no need to write me a poorly spelled e-mail to tell me that. Also, if you put very little effort into your profile, I've found that is usually commensurate with the amount of effort you put into a a relationship. Similarly, if you send me a one word/sentence email, I will send a zero word response...sort of. 16) I'm a bit of a cheeky smartass (but I can be all polite, girly & vulnerable, too; when appropriate). 17) While I would not describe myself as timid in the least, I do prefer to be pursued rather than the pursuer (at least initially); therefore, it is rare I initiate contact via this site. Be the man...send an e-mail. 18) To all the twenty-something guys, I am flattered and I thank you for your interest. However, I am waiting until my mid-forties, OR until I become a high school teacher, to become a cougar. To all of the 55+ gentlemen, again, I am flattered, but I already have a Dad and I'm waiting until my forties to become a gold/social security check digger. 19) FAIR WARNING: Short dudes, bad teeth, hillbillies, poor writing and religious fanatics will make my vagina slam shut like a Venus Flytrap...without any of the aforementioned individuals/things inside of it. I am aware it may be unwise in a single's forum to compare my lady parts to a carnivorous thing that attracts, kills and digests bugs, but so be it. Though, if you've ever seen a Venus Flytrap, it really DOES look like a freaky vagina, so maybe my analogy is apropos.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Pondering A) how I will answer the remainder of these questions and B) just how many of the multiple choice questions do I have to answer before I win something? I would like to win a man please. If I keep answering questions, do I get to trade-up for a bigger prize?

Contrary to many people on dating sites, I am NOT "living life to the fullest." I would say I live life at about the 87.2% range; mostly because I like to sleep late sometimes, take long baths or just watch stuff on TiVo. Further, for those of you in the, "I'm so competitively active, I'll sleep when I'm dead," category, I'm probably not your girl. I'm plenty active, but I'm confident I would like to sleep at some point before I'm dead. Once I'm dead, I won't be sleeping because I'll be busy being dead; however, you're going to get there before I do because not sleeping will eventually kill you.

All of those "fullest lives" and non-sleeping people must be terribly exhausted. I would like to feel sorry for them but that might knock another percentage off of my "living life" scale, so they're on their own.

I AM, however, "fun-loving." Really? Is this saying necessary? Who DOESN'T love fun? Perhaps some just mildly enjoy it. I appreciate fun the way a proctologist appreciates a good pair of gloves...or maybe just one glove.

Also, just like the other 100% of people on this site, I am very "down-to-earth," but only because the law of gravity demands it. Otherwise, I might be "down-to-Uranus." That sounded way dirtier than I intended.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
- Putting the seat down (or up again, if I'm at your place).
- Picking up my dog's poo, even when no one is looking.
- Writing stuff and a lot of it; most of which is spelled correctly and properly punctuated.
- I'm surprisingly adept at extemporaneous public speaking and I actually enjoy it.
- Sarcasm and inappropriate humor.
- I can remain eerily calm in the middle of a crisis and be the voice of reason.
- I don't suck at pool.
- Staying awake and staying asleep for really long periods of time. I do not have a natural circadian rhythm (i.e. body clock); therefore, I can stay up for three days or sleep for two if I choose to.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My sense of humor (though I suspect it doesn't translate as well in text). I get a lot of Sarah Palin comparisons...until I say something pseudo intelligent and then I don't remind people of her as much (that is not an indictment of her/your politics, just her hilarious ignorance). Beyond that, I get a lot of flattering comments about my eyes or my calves because I wear stilettos to work on most, I am not a stripper (although they make much better money than I do and they are encouraged to literally lay down on the job, which my current boss frowns upon for some reason...come to think of it, I soooo should have been a stripper).
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: Too many to list; I generally read one to two books a week so my favorites change frequently. A favorite classic is Pride and Prejudice (so cliche, I know).

Magazines: The Economist, Foreign Policy, People, Foreign Affairs, Harvard Business Review. My guilty pleasure is the occasional celebrity gossip rag.

Movies: Blackhawk Down, Braveheart, If Lucy Fell, Legends of the Fall, Always, Last of the Mohicans, The Departed, Somewhere in Time, Children of Men, The Usual Suspects, Reservoir Dogs

Shows: Southland, Justified, The Glades, Sons of Anarchy, In Plain Sight, The Closer, Top Chef, Bent, The Newsroom (f'ing BRILLIANT dialogue), Hell on Wheels

Music: Just about everything except rap and metal. Favorite bands/artists are Nickelback, Train, Pink, Adele, Yiruma. I also have an appreciation for classical music as a result of playing in an orchestra a long time ago (the viola).

Food: I'm a sucker (and a swallower) for some nicely cooked dead cow. My tragic flaw is my tremendous aversion to seafood (all of it) and mushrooms. I am the only woman I know that doesn't care for chocolate and I hate diet food (due mostly to a weird allergy to NutraSweet). I'm a Pepsi chick (Coca Cola sucks ass!). ;)


"Isn't it funny how everyone in favor of abortion has already been born?"

"A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car."

"...suppose you were an idiot; and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself."
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Family
2) A bathtub
3) Water to put in the bathtub and drink while I'm in the bathtub (totally different water, by the way)
4) Books to read while I'm in the bathtub
5) A DVR to watch stuff after I am out of the bathtub
6) Food to eat while I'm watching DVR stuff

However, I concede none of the above would be relevant without a computer and a high speed connection by which to answer this question. In truth, I have gone without most of the above for lengthy periods of time and I survived just swell.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
- Where to hide all of the bodies.

- According to the previous question, it would appear I spend a lot of time thinking about bathtubs.

- Wolves. Seriously. I've been infatuated with them since I was a little girl. Still am.

- I also wonder why so many people on here who claim to have Masters and Doctorate degrees can't spell (which then makes me wonder where they got their alleged degree, so I can go there to get more of my own without really trying very hard).

- Sam Elliott's voice; it makes me want to eat beef for dinner, buy a Dodge truck, ride a horse bareback, become a slutty bouncer groupy and drink Coors beer while having sex in the OK Corral.

- Soul patches on guys' chins. Some men can really pull it off, but the rest just look like they have a tiny Hitler patch of pubic hair under their lip. Soul patches are to the mouth what pubic hair is to the vagina. Also, why do grown men wear skinny jeans?

- Thanks to the OK Cupid Slut Test, I am oddly conflicted by my score of (only?) 57%. On the one hand, I'm relieved to hear that I am not a complete and utter slut; on the other, I am slightly disappointed in myself and will resolve to elevate my percentage into the respectable upper 60's. ;o) All joking aside, how did a chick in New Castle who answered that she, "f*cked my sister's husband," only score a 46%?!

While this is not in any way a criticism of anyone's stated religious preference, I am somewhat bemused by some people's answer as, "Agnostic and very serious about it." Soooo, does that mean they're really certain about something they're essentially uncertain about?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Watching porn. Calm yourself... I am kidding. On Fridays, I am usually MAKING porn while improving my Kung Fu grip (I'm a multi-tasker). Still kidding. Perhaps I'm trying to come up with ways I can live life to the fullest.

I moved to Fredericksburg from Pittsburgh about seven months ago, though I am originally from Arizona. Like an idiot, I have spent much of my time at work or at parks with my mostly ungrateful dog, which I regret (the work part, not the dog part). Therefore, I have no idea where one would go to be occupied on a typical or atypical Friday night.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Is that I am unwilling to admit my most private things to a bunch of anonymous computerized people; most of whom I will never meet and therefore will never have the benefit of knowing my privates (secrets, that is).

Okay, upon reflection, maybe a few....

- I suck spectacularly at small-talk and I have no desire to remedy this affliction. I find small-talk to be, uh, small; that's probably why they call it that. That said, I do recognize that it's a bit hard to avoid in the initial chatfest of the online want-to-be-dating pool.

- I floss in the shower. I find the act of flinging bacteria out of my mouth with a string less disgusting that way.

- I like Richard Marx's music. I think he's a magical musical wizard, with perfect clarity and occasional rasp to his voice.

- I can't help but to smile every single time I see fireflies/lightning bugs. They make me happy for some inexplicable reason.

-This one will understandably be a massive deal breaker for many of you (which is perhaps why I buried the lead waaaay down here): I cannot have children of my own. Therefore, if you feel a burning desire to see what your own sperm can turn someone else into (other than a crazy ex-girlfriend and the occasional dry cleaner), I am not your best receptacle. I do love children, though, so if you already have children or would be open to adoption someday, I'm still a good bet. Or, if you would rather spend the rest of your days encumbered only by a loyal woman, but without kids, I'm alright with that as well. On the bright side, I will never have stretch marks and my hips and other valuable anatomical parts get to remain pretty much how they look right now forever (hopefully). ; )

- I pride myself somewhat on not being an overly emotional or dramatic person; however, I often cry when I hear taps or see someone on a ventilator, even if it is fictional on television. I have been in the presence of too many flag draped coffins and spent two weeks too many watching my mother in a coma to not be severely moved by even the merest inference of either event.

- Once in a while, until my Mom passed away, I used to call her on my birthday and say, "Happy Birthday!" The first time I did it, she thought I confused our birthdays because they were within the same week. The second time I did it, she asked why. It was because she birthed me and I would like to think she was happy about it at the time. Now, I do it to my Dad, but it just doesn't have the same flair since I didn't fall out of his penis. On second thought, I guess I sort of did.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're a SWM, preferably tall, funny, intelligent, in good shape, your tattoos are spelled properly, you have most of your teeth and you're not an axe murderer...although one of those is negotiable. It has become clear to me that I should clarify, "in good shape." You don't have to have a six-pack, but having the whole keg just won't do either...or even a half keg. I believe any kind of relationship generally begins on whether or not you would MUTUALLY like to see one another naked. If you're a bubba with a belly, I have zero desire to see you naked under any pretense and it's pretty much over right there. If you have moobs (man boobs), moob along; my chest is alright, but I'm not looking for any competition in that area from a dude. You also know the difference between "you're" and "your" and you do not begin your profile narrative with the singular plural, "I'm looking for a women..." (Please reference #19 above.) Also, for the record, aside from Miranda Lambert and some chicks with no teeth in West Virginia, I don't know any single women who are captivated by a man holding up something dead for a picture on a dating site. I would be more impressed if you killed a burglar outside my house at two in the morning and posted that picture...although I might beat you to it and gut him the way your photo shows you demonstrating on Bambi (the deer, not the stripper). I'm not ragging about the act of hunting/fishing; just the sheer magnitude of men who appear to think those are the kind of photos women will find attractive on a site like this. How many of you would find it sexy if I posted a photo of me castrating a calf and holding those dead little ben wa balls up for a photo op (sadly, I actually DO have a photo of that buried somewhere in a box)?

Clearly, someone who enjoys reading is desirable (for those of you who actually read this far in my ginormous profile). More important than aesthetics is a guy with a gut-busting sense of humor who can make me giggle on a bad day and snaugh (snort-laugh) on a good one. Someone who laughs often & easily and is not readily offended or consumed by what other people think of him. Would you make an arse out of yourself in public just to see your girl laugh? While I do not prefer a man who is uber-sensitive like a little girl, I do greatly appreciate a thoughtful and romantic one (which is not the same thing as being sensitive like a little girl). Essentially, be a man and treat me like a girl (even though I might have a potty mouth sometimes and beat you in pool).

I guess I'm looking to find the pearl inside life's stinky oyster...or BE the imperfect pearl in someone else's shell. The last guy I dated didn't ask a single question about the photographs on my wall or about the scars I've earned (literally and figuratively) and he showed little interest in exploring who I am and how I became this way. There's a natural curiosity that comes with being genuinely into someone and I would like it if someone had that curiosity about me outside of the physical realm or in the mere effort of getting to the physical. I heard a song lyric recently that is unfortunate but true...sometimes the one you would take a bullet for is the one behind the trigger. I'd like to find the person that would never put me in front of the gun to begin with.

Finally, one e-mail indicates interest; two e-mails indicates persistence; twelve or so e-mails is kind of creepy and e-stalkerish. If a girl hasn't responded to your first half a dozen e-mails, it becomes increasingly likely she won't respond to any of the next dozen you send to her, unless it is, of course, to ask you to stop.