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rufush

50 M Los Angeles, CA

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 7″ (1.70m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from Ph.D program
Job
Law
Income
Relationship Status
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Non-monogamous
Offspring
Has a kid
Pets
Has dogs
Speaks
English (Fluently), Chinese (Okay), French (Okay), C++ (Okay), LISP (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
The all-important up-front polyamorist's note: I am in a long-term, committed, open relationship with my partner and l∞ve _queensgambit.If you are not ok with that, stop now. If you are, by all means read on...

I am a second-career attorney, but I try very hard not to let that define me. One time, at the first firm where I worked, another associate who had overheard some of my stories said to me: "It is becoming clear to me that you hang out with a different crowd than I do." He was almost certainly right, and I was glad to hear it!

Before I gave it up in 2003, I was a Professor of Computer Science for ten years. (yeah, tenure and everything.) So you will still often find me channeling my inner geek, particularly at events like MindShare and ProjectFresh and Bar Camp LA.

I miss having my summers off! And, some days, I really do miss being a teacher.

I am devoutly atheist but had significant Jewish education as a child (though my parents and grandparents were atheists) and am still connected to that culturally.

I grew up in New York until I left for college in Philadelphia at seventeen. I lived in Philadelphia for twelve years, and came here in the Summer of 1993. That means that I have now lived in Southern California longer than I have ever lived anywhere. Nevertheless, I am still New Yorker and read the NY Times (website) almost exclusively. That is unlikely ever to change...

For those who were on this site in the old days of three adjectives, I am Obsequious, Purple, and Clairvoyant
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
During the week days: being a lawyer—in particular, patent, copyright, trademark and entertainment litigation, as well as any case with a significant issue related to computers and technology.

On the weekend and at night: hanging out with family (my daughter and/or my l∞ve) and friends and trying to forget that during the week days I am a lawyer...

A big part of that has been my involvement with the L.A. Burning Man community. I attended for eleven years straight from 2002 to 2012. I missed last year, but am currently planning to go this year (although I think it could be my last). You don't have to be a burner, or even be interested in becoming one. But, the couple of times I have dated women who were actively hostile to the event and the community, it just made things tiresome.

Note that I am not a glitter-and-fairy-wings raver-type Burner. You are most likely to find me on the playa in shorts and t-shirt. (Either that or chef's whites, since I spend a lot of my time on the playa cooking in enormous quantities to gift to any and all.)

I have lived in one part or another of Downtown L.A. since 2003 and have worked there for the last three years (after 8 years of commuting to the west side for law school and then my first law-firm job). I am pretty firmly an east-sider.

Lately—as I have officially and fully adopted a polyamorous/non-monogamous lifestyle—I have also been spending a great deal of time thinking about issues of honesty, sharing, trust, compersion, boundaries (and the lack thereof) and respect in relationships.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
making grilled cheese sandwiches (and things only technically identifiable as grilled cheese sandwiches). I know it is an audacious claim, but I have independent verification: I am a three-time Grilled Cheese Invitational Champion!

Actually I am a pretty good cook in general. Aside from computers it has been my main hobby/interest for most of my life. Somewhat relatedly, I am notorious for my ability to pick great little restaurants—small ethnic places in particular—by sight and some little-understood second sight.

As can be seen here, I am also skilled in the use of more-obscure punctuation marks, such as hyphens, em-dashes, slashes, semi-colons, colons, ellipsis and even the occasional interrobang. I am a lover of the oxford comma. Unfortunately it is largely disdained in legal writing, which provides me a daily source of tension.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Ok, it's not exactly the first thing, but pretty soon you will notice that I have inherited from my late mother a near-obsessive habit of punning and other wordplay. You will likely be groaning a lot, and may eventually want to hit me with a baseball bat.

Unless of course you like that sort of thing...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
This will take time to fill in....

For now just say that my taste in all four is very broad. (Though, for books, probably not quite as broad as the other three. Sometimes I am a little intellectually lazy.)

Listing the music I like is not practical. So, I am going to take a whack at the music section by stealing an idea from an ex and list the bands I have gone to see live in the last few years. It is by no means a complete list of my likes, or even necessarily really representative, but it will tell you something...

Amanda Fucking Palmer (as part of Dresden Dolls twice (2005, 2006), solo, and with Neil Gaiman (October 2011), two more times with her new band The Grand Theft Orchestra (July 2012)), and again solo in fall 2103,
Architecture in Helsinki,
Aretha Franklin,
Beck (twice),
Bela Fleck and the Flecktones,
Björk,
Barenaked Ladies (I went for the nostalgia because I got incredibly good deal on seats, and discovered that BNL is still a lot of fun and their new stuff is still good),
The Black Keys (randomly, because my friend was opening for them at their first-ever show in the U.S. at Spaceland),
Britney Spears (the Circus tour, it was a present for my ex, but actually a fun show),
Caravan Palace,
The Crystal Method,
The Decemberists,
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros,
Einstürzende Neubauten,
Elvis Costello,
The Flaming Lips (four times, including twice in 24 hours),
Flogging Molly (twice),
Gnarls Barkley,
Gogol Bordello (at least five times),
Idina Menzel,
The Jane Austen Argument,
Jason Webley,
Junior Senior,
Kristin Chenoweth,
Kylie Minogue (third and final gift for my ex, I was also lulled into hoping she would be better when I heard Nick Cave had produced one of her albums),
Madonna (second gift for my ex),
Miyavi,
Moby,
Mutaytor (many times),
Nanci Griffith,
Nick Cave,
Paul Simon,
The Polyphonic Spree,
Primus (twice),
Prince,
Rodrigo y Gabriela,
Quasi,
R.E.M.,
Sleater Kinney,
Shpongle,
Tom Waits (a short but awesome set at the annual Public Counsel fundraising dinner, where his lawyer was honoree).

Oh, and though it is not music, Eddie Izzard (four times).

I really really really love movies. So filling in this part is even more difficult. When I was in college I often went to 3 or more movies a week, and I still do on occasion (though I sometimes also go a few months without going to a movie theater).

One of my favorite things about living in L.A. is getting to go to screenings with a Q&A with the actors or director or such. So, rather than try to list my favorite movies, I will list a few of my favorite screening/Q&A's from the last few years:

A Boy and His Dog (with Harlan Ellison, an absolute riot; the man has no filter. Extra treat was that the moderator was Josh Olson who wrote the screenplay for History of Violence, another favorite.)
Army of Darkness (with Bruce Campbell, probably the best Q&A ever)
Back to the Future (the entire cast other than Michael J. Fox and Crispin Glover).
Capote (with Bennet Miller, who grew up across the street from me and is the younger brother of my early-childhood best friend)
Clerks (for the 10th anniversary with the entire cast)
Fight Club (with Chuck Palahniuk, who is every bit as odd as you might expect)
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (with Robert Morse and Michelle Lee)
Juno (with Diablo Cody)
Little Miss Sunshine (with Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris)
RoboCop (with Peter Weller, I got him to sign my copy of Buckaroo Banzai)
The Space Movie (with Buzz Aldrin)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Playa dust.

The view of Black Rock City from mid-playa at around 2 AM on a clear (and, ideally, moonless) night mid week (and the memory of that view the rest of the year).

A stove capable of a really hot flame, and a cast-iron pan to go with it. (actually I have had to mostly do without this for the last year, to much sadness)

Oxford commas. (See above.)

My daughter. (Clearly this list is NOT in priority order.)

_queensgambit (Ditto.)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why—on a site that otherwise makes brilliant use of data analysis—my scrolling list of twelve match proposals at the top of the front page always seems to be drawn at least three-quarters from a fixed pool of roughly 50 women, and why matches well below 50% often make up a lot of those recommendations...

Polyamory and the issues mentioned elsewhere here. And, somewhat relatedly, my continuing discomfort with the idea of listing "casual sex" among the things that I am "looking for," even though I am certainly open to it.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
home with my daughter if her weekly visit comes that night, or home with friends watching a movie, or out and about comparing the skill of the bartenders at the ever growing number of good downtown bars.

(To clarify that last bit: I have never been much of a drinker, and until a few years ago I knew jack about cocktails. But due to my recent association with a certain lovable bunch of reprobates I have become somewhat obsessed with classic mixology and can now both recognize and make a damn fine version of many classic and nouveau cocktails.)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Sometimes I will insist adamantly on maintaining an utterly arbitrary tradition. Hence the fact that I still include three adjectives in my self-summary above, and still post all of my Facebook status messages in the third person...

Also, I like Vegemite, but still think that Vegemite:Black Death (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVKPrQv1H8I) is one of the greatest songs ever written...

I am a lover and advocate of nose-to-tail eating.

Also, I unabashedly love musical theater, primarily in this order: Sondheim, Early Webber & Rice, the classics. Not much of a fan of solo-Webber or other spectacle shows.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–55
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You accept my relationship with _queensgambit and still want to get to know me better. You understand that I am not looking to replace her, but that, other than that, there is no pre-set limit on where our relationship could go. Or, if you are just interested to learn more about polyamory/ethical non-monogamy.