Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am a spider. Loxosceles rufescens. If that doesn't scare you off,
let's be friends.
I like hoarding industrial scrap material, meeting animals
the cute fluffy kind and the disturbing excessively-legged
and collecting and arranging interesting/unique/horrific sounds.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I do live performances with awful noise and welded metal sculptures
that look like they should kill you.
I've been going to (and performing at) lots of underground
experimental harsh noise shows lately. That's a good first date,
I also make photographs and sometimes I try to write and
occasionally I throw paint and paint-like substances at canvases
and canvas-like materials, when I can fit these into my strict
regiment of grating, unpleasant sounds.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Identifying arthropods. Show me a picture of a bug and I'll tell
you what it is.
Seriously send me pictures of bugs
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I won't shut up about bugs.
I really like bugs.
Send me a picture of a bug and I'll buy you a taco.
that's not a joke
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I don't read books, watch movies, or listen to music as much as I
should. I probably eat more than I should.
blew my mind as a teenager, Breakfast of
blew my mind as an adult.
I'm terrible at watching the right movies. How do people find the
time? I probably haven't seen half of your favorite films that
surely everyone's seen, but ask me about somewhat obscure German art films
If it was an option, I would set my religion to "The Beatles
, Velvet Underground
, Patrick Wolf
. I don't have a massive list like most people, because
it takes a lot for me to really consider myself "into" a band, and
when I do cross that threshold it becomes an obsession that
consumes me at the expense of any other musical interests for
months at a time.
by Lou Reed
is, without a trace of irony,
one of my favorite albums.
Also I really like bugs, if you want to talk about arthropods we
will be best friends.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. A small crystalline structure of fired sand embedded in my lower
back by the Coyote goddess of the Sonoran Desert. After an accident
in southern California I was visited in the veil between worlds and
given a chance to survive in exchange for my total subservience, so
this crystal was embedded into my fractured spine in order to
sustain my life. Sometimes it glows and sends a signal through my
nervous system, calling me to serve the goddess. Usually she just
wants a coffee or something, it's kinda frustrating.
2. People who are willing to do crazy and potentially hazardous
things in the name of art.
3. Warped scraps of rusted metal. I have a pretty big collection. I
don't really have anywhere to put it. If you have a place to store
scrap metal, we'll be best friends.
4. My cybernetic eye.
5. That confused state where something is so horrifically repulsive
that you start laughing, because you are just so amazed by how
perfectly terrifying it is, and you get a rush from fear which
builds into an even bigger rush of appreciation at the craft and
skill that went into instilling that fear.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The fact that life named itself life, and then decided that it is
more important than not-life, and then one kind of life named
itself humans and decided that it is more important than all the
other kinds of life, and then humans scooped up a bunch of not-life
and formed it into all these boxes of varying sizes and then lived
in the boxes, and they found all these ways that certain kinds of
not-life interact to cause explosions or electricity or light so
they made boxes that move life around between other boxes and they
made lights that dance around in pleasing ways and they made things
that keep life alive and they made things that make life dead, and
none of it was really planned, it's all just another universal
structure following the arbitrary rules of the universe which
happen to lead to certain structures being created and some of
those structures are planets and some of them are stars and some of
them are trees and some of them are buildings and some of them are
space shuttles and some of them are computers and some of them are
buttplugs and it's all the exact same process that leads to
everything, and for some reason people think that some things are
right and some things are wrong, but the people who think that are
still just an element of the same universal processes that have
been going on for 14 billion years and will go on after every trace
of life is gone, and being aware of that and accepting everything
is still just a facet of the same universal processes, and no
decision you make is any different than a rock's decision to stop
rolling when it reaches the bottom of a hill, or hydrogen's
decision to bind with oxygen in some situations, or any other
physical law of the universe because that is all there is. So,
like, what the hell.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Every Friday at exactly 5:23pm, while wearing a full bodysuit made
from the silk of eight hundred thousand Nephila clavipes
orbweavers, I lay blindfolded in a tub full of hypersaline water
imported from the Dead Sea, surrounded by twenty-three candles
(each an exact likeness of a different individual member of the
Terracotta Army in China), and listen to a recording of myself
reading every entry in the Wikipedia edit log from the last week (I
record these readings on every Thursday) over a backing track of a
Beatles song slowed down 1,000x (the specific song is selected via
methods of random decision-making described in the I Ching).
I have done this for as long as I can remember and do not know what
would happen if I missed a day. I am not willing to find out.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You detest messaging random people for purposes of dating or social
networking as much as I do. We can discuss how hypocritical
You want to talk about bugs, or you have a question about a bug or
you've seen a bug and you want to know what kind of bug it
You're fine with dating someone who is already dating someone who
is fine with me dating someone.
You have a place to store piles of scrap metal that will one day be
turned into art.
Oder ob Sie können Deutsch sprechen!
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