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36 Baltimore, MD Man


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 25–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
May 23
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from Ph.D program
Rather not say
Doesn’t have kids
Dislikes dogs and likes cats
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a big fat guy. If you just stopped reading, so much the better for both of us.

On the unlikely chance you're still here: I'm the sort of person who feels like too much of an adult to have an OKCupid profile, but yet has one for a lark anyway. Comedy is my coping mechanism and dry wit is my preferred mode. I don't have a lot of patience for silliness anymore, at this age, however.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Here's how this conversation goes down in real life all the time:

Stranger: "So what do you/where do you work?"
Me: "I'm a [choose one: professor/instructor/researcher] at [university of current employ]."
Stranger (seems impressed): "What do you study/teach?"
Me: "Video games."

Now one of the following happens --
1. "Oh, my [choose one: son/daughter/niece/nephew/boyfriend/girlfriend/coworker] just loves those games. Have you played [x]?"
2. Stranger hides their disappointment that I don't study a "real" subject and goes "Oh. I see."
3. Stranger gives undisguised look of either confusion or contempt. "So what, you play games all day? Hur hur hur."

I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm an excellent writer. I have the rare but sadly not that useful gift of great comedic timing. I have a knack for deconstructing things that comes from having a critical studies degree. I have unparalleled skill at not accepting compliments and being negative about myself.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Ref first line of self-summary, above. I take public transit to work, which -- if you're fat -- is a great way to discover that 1.) people frequently confuse "fat" with "deaf" and 2.) if a 5 year old kid points and goes "THAT GUY IS FAT" a bus full of people will not look ashamed but rather they'll all laugh with him.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Favorite book is Ellen Kushner's Swordspoint. I used to be a voracious Discworld fan but have become more selective there, over time. Hate horror movies, prefer comedies and action films with some tolerance for dramedies. Mel Brooks is a personal hero. I enjoy camp, for certain values of camp. Sadly I'm a picky eater and a pub food kind of person.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Oh you have got to be kidding me. What sort of nonsensical, AP English, "If you could have dinner with one historical figure who would it be and why?!" question is this? Is it cheating to just paste in a picture of Maslow's hierarchy of needs pyramid?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Video games and game culture, the mass media, and issues of gender and sexual identity. Why? I research those things; in other words, that's my job. Otherwise, I don't go in for much deep-thoughts philosophy on a day to day basis. That said I wanted to make an awesome Aristotle joke and learned the word "eromenos" from his Wikipedia entry so answering this question wasn't a total loss.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
At home. Sometimes I game; sometimes there is TV. Sometimes I am chatting online. Occasionally there are social gatherings and I go to those. Clubs and loud noises and rooms full of sweaty, insecure, shirtless people are not my thing.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I was going to say "I sleep with a giant stuffed rabbit that was a gift from an ex-boyfriend" but that rabbit (and my other stuffed animals) now live on top of my dresser.

In the interest of having something to put here: boxer briefs? I dunno.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Look if you somehow got all the way to this part of the profile, then well done you.

Are you curious about something I wrote? Something I didn't write? Have an unquenchable desire to ask me totally inappropriate sexual questions? Drop me a line, I guess?