QUESTION: If you were in a committed long-term relationship and met someone you feel an even stronger attraction to, which would you do?

This is rather easy to answer for me as I am polyamorous. Some people are undereducated about polyamory. Go read the poly dictionary http://www.xeromag.com/fvpolyglossary.html it might be enlightening, instead of making an ass out of you and me and assuming something about polyamory. I'm bound by rules and agreements of any relationship that I'm involved in. There is a good definition of cheating in the poly glossary as well. In any committed relationship cheating and the breakdown of communication is a posibility, and hopefully it's something that we are all trying to avoid.

QUESTION: If you were in a committed long-term relationship and met someone you feel an even stronger attraction to, which would you do?

I would get to know them really well first, before I made any concrete commitments. I would not go back to being Mono and date one person at a time. I would explain the concept of poly to the person I was interested in and see if they where interested. I would not dump my current partners, because they mean the world to me. I'm pretty sure that with out them I would be pretty longly, and depressed right now, between my divorce, unemployment and my life throwing me in every direction possible.

If I felt attracted to another person, my lovers would know about them, as is, they know everyone I fancy and vice versa. We all have to establish a good relationship of some sort with the person one or more of us is interested in, before the attraction goes any further then heavy flirting. It would be a very bad idea for me or any one of us to date someone who could possibly bring any sort of drama into our relationship. Drama resulting from honesty, trust, and communication issues. As honesty, trust, and communication are the core values of our relationship.

I do not want to be involved with anyone who dislikes any of my other partners and may possibly bring up negative aspects about my other S.O.s causing drama by trying to minipulate my feelings about them. I suppose that pointing out someones downfalls is not always a negative aspect and it allows for a chance to find resolutions to the issues, but drama is not welcomed in my life.

"I think that polyamory makes the relationship harder because for everyone to be happy ample amounts of time need to be dedicated (with a flexible schedule) to communication and each person, and multi dimensional connections between the parties are formed. Also spending time to consider your and everyones feelings and head space. In other ways polyamory gives us options and can aid in communication. An example of this would be when two people are fighting about something completely irrelevant, (because they both had a bad day and they are grumpy) the other person can mediate the fight, by generally telling the two that they are not being reasonable with each other."

So no I would not cheat or deceive anyone, but I may still pursue both relationships at once if all parties involved are aware of the rules and values that we all share. Thus said if my crush is involved with anyone else and is still interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with me they will have to inform all other parties involved and I would like to meet them and establish some sort of relationship with them as well.

So that's what I would do...

Ok so what is polyamory?

So you can Google polyamory and get lots of results.

You can go to Polyamory web pages and read their glossaries. Even though they somewhat different on some terms.

There are many versions of polyamory. Technically if you ever been in love with more than one person in your whole life and have had a chain of Monogamous relationships, you can also be considered poly, and hopefully you have loved more than one person in your entire life time. Otherwise I would assume that you are lonely and I would hate to be in your shoes.

For me Polyamory implies that I put an emphasis on communication and always being honest with all of my partners or potential partners, and I fully expect the same from anyone who I am involved with. Anything else could be considered cheating, and that is exactly what we're trying to avoid.

Also I see Polyamory as a safety mechanism or net. In my previous Monogamous relationships, somehow at the end of the many Monogamous relationships whether they lasted 3 weeks or 9 years I seem to always feel like I have been used and discarded. Because I feel that I have sacrificed personal time and effort to give my partner what they wanted or needed only to find out that they completely took it all for granted.

The Safety Mechanism that I speak of: is very simple, having more than one partner, this makes it just about impossible for me to give all my attention to one persons demands, and if such was to happened my other partner would hopefully let me know. Also if their is a dispute between two people the third can step in and be the mediator. Thus having a third person in the relationship makes it a safety mechanism.

The Safety Net that I speak of: is also very simple, if for some reason one leaves you still may have the other, but this all depends on the structure of the relationship.

Currently this doesn't apply to me because if my current relationship ends with aether of my partners, or between the two of them I will not be dating aether one of them, because it's not worth loosing the friendships that I have with both of them, and I have no interest in becoming the "hinge" of the relationship.

This post will probably be edited and added to.

Here are some pages on polyamory

http://www.bee.net/cardigan/paarc/

http://www.polyamorysociety.org/

I took this test as I have done it or might be interested in it so I scored pretty high, I will eventually re take the test as just fetishes I have performed and answer no to all others; I'll probably end up in the green.

Your result for The Kink Spectrum Analysis Test ...

Blue (450 nm)

You scored 74% self-confidence and 72% bandwidth!

Wow! You have quite a big repertoire when it comes to kinky sex. And you're probably also willing to play on either side of the fence. You should look for another Blue, or an Ultraviolet if you want to broaden your horizon. Greens may be okay as well but will probably bore you after a while. Reds are too vanilla for you.

But I promised you a more detailed analysis, so here it is. Note that most scales are twofold: There are separate values for giving (active) and receiving (passive). If you scored high on one of them, you should look for a partner who scored high on the other. If you scored high on both of them, go for someone who is similar (or for multiple partners if you're into that). If you scored low on both, this probably is not your kind of kink.

You scored 84% giving and 77% receiving on oral.

You scored 78% giving and 100% receiving on anal.

You scored 46% giving and 86% receiving on bondage.

You scored 52% giving and 43% receiving on humiliation.

You scored 61% giving and 50% receiving on pain.

You scored 61% dominance and 53% submission.

You scored 71% voyeurism and 52% exhibitionism.

Besides that, you're 81% into fetishism and 84% polysexual (i.e. interested in sex with multiple partners, whether at the same time or not). You'll probably want a partner who is similar, whether you scored high or low in these categories.

Finally, you scored 57% on autoerotic - a scale that measures your ability and/or willingness to have kinky fun without a partner. It's not exactly a matching criterion, but it's good for you if your score is high. Keep it up!

Compared to other takers

• 95/100 You scored 72% on bandwidth, higher than 95% of your peers.
• 77/100 You scored 43% on humiliationr, higher than 77% of your peers.
• 81/100 You scored 52% on humiliationg, higher than 81% of your peers.
• 89/100 You scored 86% on bondager, higher than 89% of your peers.
• 58/100 You scored 46% on bondageg, higher than 58% of your peers.
• 75/100 You scored 50% on painr, higher than 75% of your peers.
• 83/100 You scored 61% on paing, higher than 83% of your peers.
• 92/100 You scored 81% on fetishism, higher than 92% of your peers.
• 90/100 You scored 84% on polysexual, higher than 90% of your peers.
• 80/100 You scored 71% on voyeurism, higher than 80% of your peers.
• 85/100 You scored 52% on exhibitionism, higher than 85% of your peers.
• 90/100 You scored 57% on autoerotic, higher than 90% of your peers.
• 96/100 You scored 77% on oralr, higher than 96% of your peers.
• 90/100 You scored 84% on oralg, higher than 90% of your peers.
• 91/100 You scored 100% on analr, higher than 91% of your peers.
• 75/100 You scored 78% on analg, higher than 75% of your peers.
• 81/100 You scored 61% on dominance, higher than 81% of your peers.
• 87/100 You scored 53% on submission, higher than 87% of your peers.
• 92/100 You scored 74% on confidence, higher than 92% of your peers.

ladyOdessy has just analyzed a part of my far past.

This post is written as ladyOdessy is sitting here on my bed and chatting with me. Krystlecat got tired and went to bed he's not very nocturnal. It's 2:51am 09 16 09

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My mother while pregnant with me was supposed to be receiving estrogen so she would have some boobs to breast feed me, but (being under Russian health care) was given a subscription of testosterone for 2 months. At which point the docs realized that they screwed up and started giving her estrogen, but this was for only for two weeks because then I was born. So she has no boobs (not to be mean, just the fact) and I got "Hormonally Altered before Birth".

So ladyOdessy was telling me that by 5 months I would have been fully sexually developed. So it didn't screw things up too much there I guess. She says that the 2 months of testosterone explains my sex drive. At least with some people, it varies from person to person. Generally I'm happy from once a week to 3 times a day, it used to be all the time but I no longer have the stamina for that. This was the norm for me and ladyOdessy first time I dated her, We lived in the bedroom for 3 months. But anyways that's a long and simple & complex  story of our friendship.

The 2 weeks of estrogen would explain the feminine tendencies/wants. I want a man to cuddle me or with me, wanting to feel safe in his arms. Ya that's feminine, sometimes that even makes me feel a little bit weird and worried, because I don't want a dominant male companion, well, I don't want him to be dominant toward me. I want to feel safe, not dominated, but I want him to be intimidating enough to give me a sense of security. This is also nice if I ever dress up in drag again. I used to do it in my early 20s. I really got tired of pathetic men hitting on me really quickly. Somehow Mexicans got included in that category, and trying to explain to three Mexicans who are whistling at you that you are dressed in drag is a little bit more than what I wanted to get into. So having an intimidating male around is nice. I had so much fun when I used to dress up and get walked around on a leash. Some of the comments we got where definitely "Kodak moments" or priceless.

This might also explain why I tend to gravitate toward intimidating females, and females that have the masculine tendencies that I seek.