I hope this doesn't make me sound crazy: I love flying but usually have a few drinks before boarding to make take-off easier. I'm convinced it's impossible to dislike "The Sign" by Ace of Base. Given my lifetime of traveling, bilingualism, and years of studying the show, I genuinely think I could win The Amazing Race. I think what the gay community is really missing is a classy bar called "Cock/Tails." I get headaches later in the day if I haven't had enough coffee. I know every line from Clue. I will randomly live tweet inconsequential television events. Birds get INFINITELY more awesome for me every time I remember they're dinosaurs. Grande soy latte. I like cooking for other people. I love men with accents. I once drove 5 hours for a Blondie concert. It was free. I will never understand gay Republicans. I know they exist. I just can't wrap my head around it. I like peppermint and butterscotch but hate mint and scotch. I REALLY wish I liked working out, but I don't, so I don't do it. I pride myself on my ability to shoot tequila without a chaser. I like to play music when taking a shower and watch TV when I write. My cocktail of choice is a Grey Goose and soda with a lime wedge, not a slice. It's easier to squirt that way. I hate when people with smart phones write in text speak, overriding the autocorrect that would spell the words properly. Daylight Savings Time is just stupid. I'm exceedingly happy for WAY too long when my music is on shuffle, but it plays the exact song I wanted to hear at that moment. I think people who say I only voted for Obama because he's black only voted for McCain and Romney because they're white. I'm not good at showing the best version of myself in the first few dates, but I promise I don't get any worse from there. I love both of my brothers equally, but one of them kind of sucks. I don't want kids. Perez Hilton is the worst. I don't care for drag. I think Glee started going downhill with the Lady Gaga episode. I still say Pluto is a planet. I loved Chip 'n' Dale as a kid. Aaron Schock is gorgeous.

DEAL BREAKER: If your profile says you're "straight." I'm not going to sleep with you while your girlfriend is out of town, and I'm not going to masturbate on camera for you. Seriously. I'm really surprised that this happens so often, but apparently, it needs a disclaimer.

Also a deal breaker: if, in that one question, you said the Earth is bigger than the sun. I mean, really!? Also, no juggalos.

I'm a freelance writer for a newspaper, and I do fundraising for a non-profit.

Besides that, I'm waiting for the day when Björk, Stevie Nicks, Kate Bush, Madonna, and Debbie Harry do a song together, because I'm pretty sure that would be the greatest song in history.

...not doing crystal meth. Why is that a thing in our community? I don't get it.

Also, I'm funny. Not hour-long stand-up funny. I'm more like Twitter-funny, which is another way of saying "not funny."

Olympic sports I would be awesome at: hypothetical basketball, competitive shopping, synchronized Sudoku, coffee decathlon.

One more thing! I'm really good at reversing the plots of movies. Like if you watch "Clue" backwards, it's about a bunch of zombies that throw a dinner party.

My eyes or my smile.

Books: 1984, Harry Potter (Azkaban was the best), The Hunger Games, pretty much anything by Hemingway, The Great Gatsby.

Movies: Clue, Casablanca, Love Actually, Anything by Quentin Tarantino or Christopher Nolan, Zoolander, Anchorman. I really like dramas and thrillers. Stupid comedies are a lot of fun, too. I want to be Jennifer Lawrence's best friend.

Music: Blondie (all time favorite. I've seen them in concert 3 times. 4 if you count the live stream that one time). Other top contenders: KT Tunstall, Madonna, Scissor Sisters, Fleetwood Mac, Rilo Kiley. I also like Lil Kim, Biggie Smalls, and Marina and the Diamonds. I'm starting to get into Taylor Swift, Kate Bush, Pink, Beyonce, Maroon 5, and Kiley Minogue these days.

Food: Argentinean, Brazilian, Italian, Chinese, Japanese (but I'm not picky). I love food so much. I'm sad that I haven't been able to find a good enchilada or margarita since I left LA. If you want to woo me, just take me to a nice dinner. Oh, and I have this weird thing where I HATE sour cream, ranch, and mayo. It's only a coincidence that they're all white condiments.

TV: Current favorites are The Walking Dead, Shameless, and Game of Thrones. All-time faves are 30 Rock, The West Wing, and Grey's Anatomy. Other good shows: The New Normal, Go On, New Girl, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Weeds, Anything with an alcoholic sidekick (Cybill, Will & Grace, Absolutely Fabulous, etc), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Parks and Recreation, How I Met Your Mother, and Friends (I've seen every episode a dozen times, and I watch the reruns whenever they're on). I like TV.

Wine, Coffee, iPhone, Pen and Notepad (counting them as one), Press Pass, Most Internal Organs

My next blog post, why more people don't use the Oxford comma, and a third thing when I'm listing stuff.

Having a kiki.

1) I honestly have no idea if Wendy Williams is a woman or a drag queen. Nobody I ask can confirm one way or another.

2) My patronus is a dementor.

3) I sometimes make up a third thing when listing stuff.

BONUS! One time, I saw a guy answered this question by writing "i ben touch by a angle." I spent several minutes laughing about it.

...you think our personalities and/or interests would mesh. Just so you know, I'm probably not going to make the first move.

Like any normal 23-year-old man, I'm just looking for love...ly margarita recipes and a job that will give me the means to raise a puppy. Preferably a miniature goldendoodle named Byline.