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31 Westland, MI Man


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 18-40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 8:52pm
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
5' 9" (1.75m)
Body Type
A little extra
Dropped out of Two-year college
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
Has dogs
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I hit 30 and lived. What more do you need to know?

It's a good thing I'm funny. I'm certainly not attractive.

My pictures are old. I'm DEFINITELY fatter now. Like, beached whale fat. Sea Cow fat, even. But I'm okay with that. One day I'll put up a new pic. Still healthy though, I bike 30 miles a week bitches :)

Browsing 'Incognito' means you're a pussy, so grow some balls and browse openly. What the fuck are you afraid of?!

ENTJ, if you give a shit.

I'd put something dumb here like "I like to laugh and have fun", but really, I shouldn't have to--you should know.

I think not disclosing your income is pretentious. Who gives a shit how much money you make, and more importantly, who do you think you need to answer to for your salary? NO ONE, right?

I am VERY sarcastic. It's actually held me back in my job because I come off as a supreme dick to my employees. I've changed a lot in the last few years. I'm now a super-mega-ultimate cock head. Just kidding! I've always gotten along well with people and I know where the line is, I rarely cross it. But I do cross it...FYI.

I like upfront and honest people. Friendships and relationships certainly aren't depositions, but trust is a very important factor for me.

Whenever I get a "It's a Match!" message I giggle. The 2 stars flying across the screen reminds me of Happy Tree Friends, minus the ensuing carnage.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I just finished a 14 year run with Burger King and now I'm on my next adventure. My franchise(TEAM Schostak) bought rights to a new Fast-Casual pizza concept called MOD Pizza, based out of Bellevue, Washington. I opened the first of 25 in June, and am moving to Westland in hopefully 45 days. Why does it take 45 days to write a mortgage? Fuck if I know.

In my free time I'm either with friends or spending time with my little brother, niece, and nephew. They're all close in age, and since my mom passed away last year I try to spend 1 sunday a month doing something really cool with them.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Managing a Business. I love it.
Being friendly :) I love talking to people. I am very outgoing.

I've often been told I should be a life coach. Apparently I am good at giving advice, but to me it's all common sense so I don't get it. I am all about helping people, but I don't think I want to make it a profession.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm very bright, both in personality and intelligence. Most people get annoyed because I ask too many questions. I love to know how things work or why they work the way they do.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
There are more stars in all the cosmos than there are grains of sand on all the beaches of earth.

That's your hint.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I could certainly never go without a fuck. I tend to give out a lot of fucks to a lot of people. No one ever has any, and I feel obligated to hand them out. It's my contribution to society.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Unless I am getting to know someone I hate focusing on the past. You will almost always catch me focusing on the future.

I love history, so I go OUT of my way to learn facts about both World and American history...I know it makes no sense.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Right now it's working, I usually work saturday. I'm always up for dinner and/or a movie and/or a drink and/or a small roadtrip and/or breaking international law....oh see what I did there?(Just kiddin FBI don't taze me bro!)

Overall, I'm more likely to hang out on a Saturday night.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
is I'm willing to admit I have private things :D

And no you cannot have them!!

I firmly believe the word "Vagina" is the one of funniest words in the English Language and I do anything I can to ensure its use in my daily vocabulary. I am not ashamed by this nor do I make any apologies, I don't care how immature or unprofessional it may seem. All I can say is, don't be a vagina about it.

Also, I am REALLY good with names and faces, like CREEPY good. Like I saw your profile ONCE, with your picture, and 6 years later I come back to it and I still remember your name that you typed because this was your first time on a dating website and you were really naive and optimistic about your prospects. Now you're just a bitter whore, but I still recognize that smile and the way your eyebrow raises when your best friend takes that suprise picture of you that you're not prepared for and you're like "WTF Bestie??" and she's like "STFU Fag post it on OKC lololol" and you're like "OKAY BEST IDEA EVAR THAT'S WHY UR MY BESTIE LULZ!!!".

Seriously though, it's creepy.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you like dates. I like dates. So if you like dates and I like dates, that means we should go on a date move in together adopt a cat then buy a house because I want a dog and most apartments won't let me have the dog I want then we can buy a car together adopt 3 kids and then GET MARRIED. We can talk about the 2nd date later. *Update* I am in the process of purchasing a home. You're too late.

This profile is very indicitive of my sense of humor, if you aren't getting it you won't get me. If you get offended easily, we're probably better off not getting to know one another. Sarcasm is my second language.

If you are moving forward in life at a moderate pace, and are looking for some company.

"I enjoy long walks on the beach, talking, and other general mediocre activities that are extremely unsuccessful at getting into your pants."