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61 Seattle, WA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 40–65
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 9:09pm
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body type
Mostly anything
Buddhism, and laughing about it
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from masters program
Rather not say
Open relationship
Mostly non-monogamous
Has kids, but doesn’t want more
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
First things first: Scarf joint is a woodworking term, not a reference to cannabis! I love craftsmanship in all its forms, hence the moniker.

About me: warm, thoughtful, insightful, very open and curious about all things human, introspective, intellectual but not stuffy, very passionate, independent and self-directed, physically fit and trim. Although I can be quite social, I also need time to myself for writing, thinking, creative recharging, etc.

I'm in a very long term relationship that is happy, healthy and supportive - we were monogamous for many years and are now non-monogamous. In other words, we have an open marriage that allows for intimacy with others. We don't "swing" or date others as a couple. We've just given each other room to explore other intimate relationships. I have a very full, committed, busy life that includes many friends and loved ones already, but I really do want more friends in my life who are comfortable with open relationships. And my interest isn't focused on finding lovers - I'm interested in friendships with like-minded people. If sex happens, it's because it'll make sense to both of us. If it doesn't, we have lots of other ways to share and communicate our growing friendship.

Oh, and I don't look or feel remotely my age, which is actually 60. It's partly exercise and attitude, but really it's mostly genetics. I still weight 175lbs and I'm still 6'-0", which were my stats in my twenties, and I can still run 5 miles without any difficulty. Anyway, it's not a reward for good behavior or an accomplishment I can pat myself on the back for. It's just genetics - I totally get that.

Update: I'm very interested in meeting people who are in open relationships and who also share my love of participatory outdoor activities - running, hiking, cycling, sailing - and building friendships from these shared experiences. Physical intimacy is optional, not mandatory, and not the only point of connection.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Shaking up my long held paradigms in favor of increased self expression and joy.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Listening with an open heart and mind
Writing impassioned, philosophical, poetic (and sometimes aimlessly discursive) pieces on being human and the human condition, as well as less interesting technical writing.
Endurance based amateur sports (run, cycle, etc,)
Analytical thinking
Empathy and insight
Creating order out of chaos in a crisis
Business development
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Warm smile, attentive and engaging. I'm fascinated with how people experience and live their lives, what wisdom they've garnered, what ideas they've latched on to, and generally what they've learned from their time here. So, people notice that I'm actually listening and asking engaging questions, not just making small talk, right out of the gate. I can also be very charming, I'm told, but it isn't my intent to charm, just to be genuinely present, so the charm thing kind of throws me, honestly.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Writers and thinkers - ok, random shots across the bow: Conrad, Rilke, T.S. Eliot, Thucydides, Homer, Dante, Joyce, Faulkner, Neruda, Yeats. Nietzsche, Shunryu Suzuki, Wittgenstein, Freud, Jung, Marx.

I know, all dead, mostly white, men. Let's add Eudora Welty, Carson McCulleers, Toni Morrison, James Baldwin, Ralph Ellison, Chinua Achebe, Isak Denison, Marguerite Duras . Still too many dead people? Geez, then add Robert Wrigley and my new favorite poet, Amir Sulaiman, who is teaching me to feel it, not just think it. And how about Elizabeth Warren and my fav political commentator, Rachel Maddow, on whom I have an unrequited crush. I know, I know, she isn't into me.

Not trying to be off-putting with this list - but these are all names that excite my synapses and make me want to concentrate and read. Not much for entertainment reading - it's all in or not at all with me. I can entertain myself with episodes of Breaking Bad or rewatch Napolean Dynamite, if I want to laugh out loud, eat chips on the couch with you and play wandering hands.

Periodicals - New York Times, Huffington Post, New Yorker, Economist, Foriegn Affairs, The Sun - I'm an avid reader so the list could go on and on.

Movies- Her, Raging Bull, Thin Red Line, Bourne series, Matrix, Days of Heaven, The Shining, Four Easy Pieces, Blood Simple, No Country for Old Men, My Own Private Idaho, Lina Wertmuller's films, Juno, Chinatown, Beasts of the Southern Wild (some some reservations), bla, bla, bla

Music - White Stripes, Chopin, Bill Evans, Stevie Ray Vaughn, BB King, the Stones, Pablo Casals, Glenn Gould - low brow, high brow, funk, fusion, indie, more, more, more.

Food - anything fresh. Really. Love well-prepared, fresh, garden-grown, local food.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Passionate physical intimacy
True friendship
Intense physical exercise
Something to write with
Clean food and water
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How to carve out time for all my many interests, passions, friends and family. And how to work less and play more, after a lifetime
of workaholism.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Writing or reading until I fall asleep! More of a morning person. Or out with friends for dinner, music or a movie.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Ok, here's one: I don't identify as straight, gay or bi - these categories feel increasingly meaningless to me on a personal level, although they clearly have real importance culturally and politically. I identified as straight and monogamous for most of my life, and the vast majority of my sexual experience is, in fact, with women. However, my personal evolution has moved away from categorization in general. I listed myself as bi in my profile because okc requires a selection. In truth, I have emotionally connected relationships, some of them include sexual intimacy, most do not. As a filter for attraction and desire, gender and orientation are rapidly losing their significance. I honestly don't know how else to put it. I'm very masculine in my outward appearance and I tend to attract women (and men) who find confident masculinity attractive, but my inner life is much more nuanced than outward appearance would indicate. Call me a bit out of any box. Call me the guy who doesn't really fit in whatever expectation you might have, gay or straight, and you'll be close to the mark. This is my journey and it's necessarily unique. You have to be ok with that, or I'm not the person you're looking for.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are in an open relationship or willing to be friends with someone who is, and are comfortable exploring sex and emotional intimacy outside of monogamous relationships. I realize for many people what I'm suggesting is heresy, but after a lot of soul searching, head examining and reading/writing, I've concluded that ethical non-monogamy is not only possible, it's preferable, at least for me. After many decades of loving, committed monogamy, my partner and I are willing to explore a more open and expressive way of being in the world and with each other. So, if you've come to similar conclusions, by all means, contact me and let's chat!