TL;DR - If you "tl;dr" ANYTHING, you're not worth my time.

"Information is not knowledge, knowledge is not wisdom, wisdom is not truth, truth is not beauty, beauty is not love, love is not music. Music is the best. "

HERE'S THE DEAL: If you have no intention of meeting me in "real life" (you know, that stuff that happens outside your front door), don't even bother striking a conversation with me. I have enough internet friends as it is and most of them I've met in a non-computerized context.

Now that's over with, about me.

I'm a dynamic and creative individual who frequently and spontaneously breaks into song - or bursts out snippets of a conversation that only I can hear ("Or should I say: Declan MacDonald, INTERNATIONAL ART THIEF!"). I doodle, I drum on my knees. I will yell at the television screen, especially when something stupid is on.

I consider myself polyamorous. Getting a message from me does not mean I'm trying to arrange a threesome or do something behind a partner's back. If your opinion of poly relationships is that we're either doomed or purely looking for genital stimulation, I suggest looking elsewhere.

I believe that the universe is learning from us as much as we are learning from it. Evolution is not a privilege, it is a mandate. The more we stay rooted against change, the more it upends us.

The shortest path between two distances isn't a line, but ourselves - because we are continually in motion. Even in stillness are our bodies being carried through the cosmos - like pack animals through a desert of stars.

Freedom of expression applies internally as well as externally. As beings capable of emotion we have the ability and responsibility to choose how we express our inner selves. Freedom of speech includes self-talk, freedom of religion includes belief in the self, freedom to gather includes assembling the many faces you show each day, freedom of press includes how you refer to yourself in the written word.

I believe enlightenment is like a game show - a cavalcade of flashing lights blinding you with wisdom as a crowd of onlookers cheers you on. I feel that more rewarding than the reward of spiritual fulfillment is the path taken to reach it - even if it means putting a golf ball or spinning a wheel. Who says Nirvana isn't won like a major appliance or a new car? If anything, I think higher spirituality should be presented by a toothily smiling host and a bevy of pretty spokesmodels.

It is not sinful or self-indulgent to explore pleasure. Our bodies and minds are capable of so much ecstatic sensation and limitless joy. It doesn't matter how odd or bizarre it may manifest - orgasmic exultation from the scent of cookies, carefree positive vibes from looking at your toes - the medium is not the message. Neither collective joy or self-ecstasy cancel each other out, nor does one outweigh the other, they are merely aspects of the same purpose.

As humans, we have the right to choose who we associate with - and that includes ourselves. We have the right to change who and what we are without needing permission, acceptance or approval. We can, and must, shed our outer layers - to perpetually rebirth ourselves to the newness of experience.

Lastly - the messages are out there, it is up to us to listen to them. There is no Great Editor, save what is filtered out by our own minds.

More than anything, I want to be a time-traveling mad scientist from the 1890s with a tails coat and an airship. But I'll settle for being Buck Rogers or John Steed.

I've been currently undergoing the kind of self-discovery and introspection that is usually attributed to Bodhisattva or Toltec Shamans. As such, it's sparked a massive personality dump in me right now. Try not to get any on your shoes.

I'm now employed doing technical support. I hope to be able to get back to school - my ultimate goal is to get into film making somehow. It'll happen.

I live with two cats: one mine, the other my former roommate's. I will spend days making up conversations that they have with each other. (She's a spoiled princess and he's a slow-brained mama's boy! It's a comedy that must be seen to be believed!)

Plucking obscure trivia out of the ether. (IE: Grover Cleveland could not only write with both hands, but in two separate languages at the same time.) I rock pub quizzes like a Skorpions concert during a hurricane (that was also named Hurricane Skorpions.) I am also very good - and fiercely competitive - at board games.

Cooking - I can make a curry that is like tantric sex in your taste buds. If your mouth can't handle having a Kundalini experience in it - you don't want me cooking for you.

Writing - I write mostly science fiction and screenplays, but every now and then I think about dusting off the ol' "Mr. Belvedere/ALF" fic again.

On that note: converting pop culture references into Elizabethan-era English.

"Dost thine milkshake bringeth all rude knaves to thine yard?"

Just about anything else creative. I draw, I sing, I dance - I am a left-brained jack-of-all-trades.

First: that I'm tall. 6'6" and 280 lbs is hardly inconspicuous.

Second: My thick mane of hair.

Third: My eyes. I tend to make eye contact a lot.

My tastes are pretty eclectic, but here goes.

(a) Books: Illuminatus! by RA Wilson, Philip K. Dick, Dune, Umberto Eco, Christopher Moore, Irvine Welsh, Tom Robbins.

(b) Movies: Too goddamn many to list, but I'll watch anything by David Cronenberg, Terry Gilliam, Stanley Kubrick, Luis Bunuel, Pedro Almodovar, or Akira Kurosawa.

(c) Music: I listen to anything with a good beat to it. (Except most Country that's come out after 1980 - romanticizing a rural lifestyle is one thing, but most "Modern Country" is a celebration of drinking, spousal abuse, and hating on minorities.)

One of my hobbies is scouring the share groups for obscure bands that no one's ever heard of before. (like Os Mutantes) My hard drive is full of World music and pop songs from non-English speaking countries. (I just got ahold of a playlist of North African revolutionary rap.)

(d) Food: I'm a gourmand of sorts and enjoy all kinds of cuisine, especially Japanese (including sushi), Chinese, East Indian, and Italian. I'm also a pretty good cook too and will do so if asked. (Sometimes if I'm not asked - I hope you like baked goods..)

1 - Victorian-era time-travel. Woe betide the man who flings himself 'cross the decades to a vulgar land filled with foul beasts.

2 - Butterscotch. It is so underrated as a dessert topping, and rather versatile.

3 - Espionage fiction. Everything I know about women I learned from Ian Fleming.

4 - Madden 2003. Not REAL football, but a league of my own design with foul names.

5 - Gravity. Null-gravity environments cause so many social faux pas.

6 - My cadre of fanatic assassins and spies. Don't look behind you, just don't.

However, here is a list of six things I CAN do without:

1 - People who think that curing low self-esteem and bipolar disorder is a matter of "dealing with it." It's about as dick a move as telling a paraplegic that they're in a wheelchair because they're lazy.

2 - People who can't take a compliment. I rarely have ulterior motives, if you think my positive comments on your appearance, actions, or behavior are merely a way to get you into bed, you need some SERIOUS SELF-ASSESSMENT.

3 - People who give me a means of contact (phone #, email) and then never respond. If you aren't sincere about maintaining contact with me, don't waste my time.

4 - People who want to "fix" me. I already know what's broken, if I needed any more fixing, I'd hire a professional.

5 - Since the topic is broached, people who want me to "fix" them. I'm a sympathetic listener, and can offer advice, but I'm not a psychiatrist nor a life counselor. It's that whole dragging the horse to water/making it drink paradox.

6 - People who won't let me do things that pertain to me MY WAY. If I need help or alternatives, I'll let you know.

How to best wring my hands about my opponents doings without seeming too foppish.

Trying to decypher the Voynich Manuscript in my quest to find the fabled land of Xanadu...

...Either that or watching Netflix.

I have bipolar disorder. If you can't handle the ride, don't buy the ticket.

I'm also not really from the year 1890, but my body is.

(Choose at least three.)

You can give me a convincing argument as to why I should like your least favorite color.

You have the other half of the treasure map.

You need a new perspective.

You'd like to see Schrodinger's Cat get into a fight with Pavlov's Dog.

You need a laugh.

You can sing me a David Bowie song in a foreign language.

You want to blind me with science.

You need someone to get something off the top shelf.

You want the antidote to the poison you just drank.

You fake your death just to see if a religion appears when you "resurrect" three days later.

Your hair that is either cerulian, verdant, or autumnal.

You read dusty classics for pleasure.

You think Aleister Crowley and HP Lovecraft were pen-pals.

You wear costumes even though it's not Halloween.

You can do at least 3 stoopid human tricks.

You put "in bed" at the end of fortune cookie fortunes, and then scan the room for potential candidates.