Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm not really good at describing myself. I guess I'm-
???: It looks like you're trying to write an online dating
profile. Would you like some help?
"Clippy?! I haven't seen you since 8th grade. "
Clippy: Where we used to crush essays!
"This is me trying to find love, not a dissection of whether Robert
Frost is alluding to more personal fears than the apocalypse in
'Fire and Ice.'"
Clippy: As I recall, Ms. Dawzack was pretty hot and
pretty impressed by that paper.
"Lead the way, clippy."
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I moved to-
Clippy: Use present tense to engage the reader!
Moving to Portland, four years ago, was-
..stands as one the best decisions I have ever m-
..best decisions... ever. Though it's not that competitive.
I'm working in bankruptcies right now, which mostly seems recession
proof. The need to defer blame to entry level fodder rather than
systemic issues also protects against automation and offers job
security as long as I remain good at blaming others for my
Clippy: That's optimistic. Let's move on to other things
you're good at. Very different things. Things which are not massive
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Generally speaking, I've got a pretty refined palette. The downside
is I spend a lot of time focusing on the flaws in anything I work
on. so it's tough to feel like I've really mastered anything.
: "Really good," is subjective. Interests and passions
should be enough.
: Popular interests for your location include PBR,
hallucinogens and yoga. Consider adding these to your list.
I am pretty good at PBR
: I said NOT character flaws. But I kind of led you
into that one.
Yup, definitely on you.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"You look like a young Momar Gaddafi." 1
"That's a cool shirt." 2
"You look like a guy who digs sexy ladies and cheap drinks! "
Clippy: Did you know- proper citation of interviews an
author has conducted off record require "personal communication,"
be listed as the source?
1. Becky, (personal communication, Jan 2011)
2. Various sources about various t-shirts (personal communications,
between Oct 2010-Jul 2015)
3. Street Advertiser Outside Spyce Gentlemen's Club (personal
communications, June 2013)
*Academic honesty dictates I should note: his observation,
while true, was likely biased.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
IJ is the top of my list-
"Infinite Jest, the definitive post modern novel."
Bret Easton Ellis
Clippy: Insincere and pretentious. What about
Vonnegut? Everyone loves Vonnegut.
Vonnegut (Assuming you understand "Everything was beautiful and
nothing hurt," trumps "So it goes.")
Clippy: Urg. You trashed the only literary quote anyone
knows. Congrats. What about movies?
Clippy: Oh thank God. I figured you'd reach for Godard or
I feel like watching science triumph over a forgotten god set a
tone for how I'd come to view the world later in life. The notion
that things, no matter how strange or perilous are comprehensible,
but our lives still require us to take risks when handling
Clippy: TV? You have one?!
The Wire, Breaking Bad, Hannibal, Louie,
Moral Orel season 3
Clippy: What? Even Tim Burton abandoned morose claymation.
Should I just autocomplete "you probably haven't heard of it," for
As an upside to the Greece collapse I've been turned onto Koza
Mostra. Mary Prankster and Alabama 3 are perennial favorites.
Clippy: So that's a yes?
When it comes to food Chris Bianco put it best, " You fuckin' fill
in the blank, I love it."
Clippy: It's been awhile since you last saved your document.
We could both pretend this never happened...
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I. Intelligent conversation
A. Creative outlets
it's a list not an outline!
What symbol is that?
II. A way of undoing autoformating
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Someday Facebook will aggregate your sense of nostalgia. It will
compare how often and reverently you look back to how much you
appreciate the now and what you look forward to. It will look at
your data in relation to thousands of comparable lives and millions
establishing a baseline. It will then tell you precisely how far
behind you, your best days are.
Clippy: You could do the same thing in excel!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I’m an empty essay... fill me out!
Clippy: Leave one section blank to cultivate an air of
mystery and express a cavalier attitude.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've been consuming a lot of media about people who see themselves
as broken or or are just fundamentally different from normal
society. I tend to think a lot a good could come from accepting
that with in oneself and shaking off a sense of normative claims
for what society tells one to aspire to. And I mean more on a
radical acceptance level rather than just not feeling the need to
own a house and have a job in middle management.
Clippy: Like loving your friend who gives you handy
formatting advice even though his idle animations incredibly
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
: Be honest about what you want in a partner.
You can help me upgrade from Windows 95.
: Really honest.
I get on well with people who majored in philosophy.
My favorite conversations start rational, plain even, and twist
into absurdity with everyone involved being aware of the mistakes
they're making, but without irony or sarcasm because there's a
kernel of truth and self awareness in those mistakes.
I'm looking for sadists who want to torture metaphors together,
intellectuals who can make it rain cultural capital, or anyone who
just wants to "walk around and kick the tires of my
: Press Ctrl-P to print your document...
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.