July 11, 2014 (re-formatted sections & total re-writes also).
------the way this summary goes is----
Despite considering myself an idealist if choosing between that and realist, I am going out on a limb and grounding my profile in telling you some key examples of what being me has meant I've lead or been or worked or done.
A radical break from the trend of profiles, but I'd rather share examples and specifics than discuss myself in the abstract with adjectives desciribing me and the resume version of online dating.
Of course, this just scratches the surface but gives a sense of what it'd be like to be with someone like me as a friend or partner. So, here we go.
Note: for the short version, just read the first sentence or two for each number.
1) I ran, then I coached running. By coached I mean lots of women.
Coached 300+ women from 20 to 75 over 11 seasons through a running program I started - Team Sakina. Somehow I created a program where everyone checked at the outset all that weighs us--job titles, responsibilities, norms at the door on Thursday nights in favor of (somehow convincing as part of our "drills"). Imagine 30 women skipping down the track & running "strides" (aka sprinting). I watched inhibitions and adulthood "should" fall away and women sprinted faster & faster each week.
One said "I feel free" and I think we all did. Cheers for liberation and community building and running faster than you ever thought you could, to the pain and pleasure that is to be a runner.
2) I was that person at the indy CD store selling you that CD.
I worked at local CD store - schoolkids- the one in Chapel Hill for 8 years with co-workers who were my friends and still are and who are awesome local musicians, a couple making it big. Good memories and I was there til the very end.
3) I rode a bike with 5 Thai men I happened to meet while doing research in Thailand. And biked very far with many, many stories and wonderful moments that I miss.
So, along with five Thai men, I biked about 1500km loop thru the mountains of Northern Thailand. Solidarity matched with an everyman for themselves mentality, we soldiered on and on. No support car, all belongings carried on our bikes. Chased by a herd of buffalo once. Vans of tourists pulled over to take our / my photograph several times. Wheels turning 6-8 hours a day. Eating the food ordered for me, often completely unaware of what eating. Three hour uphills. Oh so tired, set up my tent then - lest I be the odd one out (ha, as if)- I sat with my peers and kept my eyes open long enough to down a 40 of beer each night. Seriously wondered if I might not make it. Never forget it.
4) I am a lover of podcasts.
I sold my heart to Dan Savage for keeps.
And to Radiolab.
4b) I am a sex positivist (please clarify the meaning if not sure- google!). I am very GGG as well. And all around not a fan of vanilla probably because I am anything but.
5) I was that girl who ran with the guys crowd skating around town and in the surf line-up, for years.
Surfed and skated my summer days at Wrightsville beach. Three weeks in Mexico with a rental car, surfboard, friend, dusty not helpful map, hammocks to hang under homes of kind Oaxanians --- in search of waves. My right shoulder will never be the same because of a never to be disclosed right break off a dirt road in southernmost Mexico. The best waves of my life and way too many pummles of the falls later. Typing hits just the spot - a tinge of nerves in my shoulder remind me daily of these moments of bliss in the middle of nowhere Mexico.
6) Me x where
These days, I'm a proud Durhamite and loving it.
Prior decade in Carrboro, the last 3 in a cooperative / intentional community called the WCHA.
7) I agree with what the okc statistical programming graphs my personality traits to be based on my questions save one and its an important exception.
I am NOT less love-driven than "average". I am way more. By love I mean so much more than loving a person in a relationship so commitment phobic folks need not worry.
8) And all the rest. We are the sum of everything that has ever happened to us up to whatever moment. Here are some numbers.
# of relationships > 1 year- 5
# years of longest = 4 years
# times I've been told "I love you" by a significant other= 5
# times I've said "I love you" to a significant other =3 (non-overlapping also)
# times I regret hurting someone = 2
# times my heart was broken open completely = 2
# times I believed I would marry the person I was with or it was discussed = 2
(the streak of 2s are not the same 2 people...actually 5 different people)
# of times I had meaningless sex = 1 and that was enough.
# of times I dated or was having sex with more than person at once = 3
# times that worked out okay = 0
# times bones were broken in a fight over me = 1 and this did not make me proud to tell you. (the details forever a secret to all but the two men & my father of whom I had to tell since it was at his beach house and blood was on the walls...hands were tied there)
# of times cheated on = 1
# of times I've cheated = 0 unless we include emotional cheating in which case a regrettable, learned from, won't again repeat #=2
# of people I have slept beside and felt that calm, safe feeling of being wrapped in another's arms = 3
Of this all, I will say I have spent the majority of adulthood in a relationship of varying seriousness and that these in-between periods of dating or being single or trying different arrangements out are hard. I am still learning. Relationships are hard too and being hurt is no fun. All things end except the one that doesn't.
I'm here looking to be playful and have fun but in the context of either only friendship or only in partnerships / dating / insert label here (or skip it) where each believes what we have may not be finite and enter into things from a place where commitment is on the table. Add to that emotional availability that comes in a form I can decipher as mind-reading is a skill I find one doesn't improve at or least, I am no better at reading how people feel who do not say or somehow show / tell. So the deal is no deal there anymore. Note: this is unrelated to validating my personhood which I am self confident & renders a mute point. I value truth, honesty and being demon* free and similarly game for something significant, or the possibility of it.
9) I know that no matter how busy, even in the months of 100 hour weeks, I could make the time for something if I really wanted to (within reason). So, I will never use my lack of free time as an excuse to not see a person I am with. I ask the same in return.
*demons= demons like fear or past rejections or personalities or game playing as a current tactic, please take the time to deal with these first. I really have put the effort and spent time feeling sucky at dealing with my demons and stand ready. Contact me once you feel ready too, if you want to contact me at all. And know that I hope you do, really.
Onto the next placeholders.....