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shivawaverider

30 F Durham, NC

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Fit
Diet
Mostly vegan
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Other, and somewhat serious about it
Sign
Libra, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Ph.D program
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Thai (Okay)

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My self-summary
Updated:
July 11, 2014 (re-formatted sections & total re-writes also).
------the way this summary goes is----
Despite considering myself an idealist if choosing between that and realist, I am going out on a limb and grounding my profile in telling you some key examples of what being me has meant I've lead or been or worked or done.
A radical break from the trend of profiles, but I'd rather share examples and specifics than discuss myself in the abstract with adjectives desciribing me and the resume version of online dating.
Of course, this just scratches the surface but gives a sense of what it'd be like to be with someone like me as a friend or partner. So, here we go.
Note: for the short version, just read the first sentence or two for each number.
----okay, go---------
1) I ran, then I coached running. By coached I mean lots of women.
Coached 300+ women from 20 to 75 over 11 seasons through a running program I started - Team Sakina. Somehow I created a program where everyone checked at the outset all that weighs us--job titles, responsibilities, norms at the door on Thursday nights in favor of (somehow convincing as part of our "drills"). Imagine 30 women skipping down the track & running "strides" (aka sprinting). I watched inhibitions and adulthood "should" fall away and women sprinted faster & faster each week.
One said "I feel free" and I think we all did. Cheers for liberation and community building and running faster than you ever thought you could, to the pain and pleasure that is to be a runner.

2) I was that person at the indy CD store selling you that CD.
I worked at local CD store - schoolkids- the one in Chapel Hill for 8 years with co-workers who were my friends and still are and who are awesome local musicians, a couple making it big. Good memories and I was there til the very end.

3) I rode a bike with 5 Thai men I happened to meet while doing research in Thailand. And biked very far with many, many stories and wonderful moments that I miss.
So, along with five Thai men, I biked about 1500km loop thru the mountains of Northern Thailand. Solidarity matched with an everyman for themselves mentality, we soldiered on and on. No support car, all belongings carried on our bikes. Chased by a herd of buffalo once. Vans of tourists pulled over to take our / my photograph several times. Wheels turning 6-8 hours a day. Eating the food ordered for me, often completely unaware of what eating. Three hour uphills. Oh so tired, set up my tent then - lest I be the odd one out (ha, as if)- I sat with my peers and kept my eyes open long enough to down a 40 of beer each night. Seriously wondered if I might not make it. Never forget it.

4) I am a lover of podcasts.
I sold my heart to Dan Savage for keeps.
And to Radiolab.

4b) I am a sex positivist (please clarify the meaning if not sure- google!). I am very GGG as well. And all around not a fan of vanilla probably because I am anything but.

5) I was that girl who ran with the guys crowd skating around town and in the surf line-up, for years.
Surfed and skated my summer days at Wrightsville beach. Three weeks in Mexico with a rental car, surfboard, friend, dusty not helpful map, hammocks to hang under homes of kind Oaxanians --- in search of waves. My right shoulder will never be the same because of a never to be disclosed right break off a dirt road in southernmost Mexico. The best waves of my life and way too many pummles of the falls later. Typing hits just the spot - a tinge of nerves in my shoulder remind me daily of these moments of bliss in the middle of nowhere Mexico.

6) Me x where
These days, I'm a proud Durhamite and loving it.
Prior decade in Carrboro, the last 3 in a cooperative / intentional community called the WCHA.

7) I agree with what the okc statistical programming graphs my personality traits to be based on my questions save one and its an important exception.
I am NOT less love-driven than "average". I am way more. By love I mean so much more than loving a person in a relationship so commitment phobic folks need not worry.

8) And all the rest. We are the sum of everything that has ever happened to us up to whatever moment. Here are some numbers.
# of relationships > 1 year- 5
# years of longest = 4 years
# times I've been told "I love you" by a significant other= 5
# times I've said "I love you" to a significant other =3 (non-overlapping also)
# times I regret hurting someone = 2
# times my heart was broken open completely = 2
# times I believed I would marry the person I was with or it was discussed = 2
(the streak of 2s are not the same 2 people...actually 5 different people)
# of times I had meaningless sex = 1 and that was enough.
# of times I dated or was having sex with more than person at once = 3
# times that worked out okay = 0
# times bones were broken in a fight over me = 1 and this did not make me proud to tell you. (the details forever a secret to all but the two men & my father of whom I had to tell since it was at his beach house and blood was on the walls...hands were tied there)
# of times cheated on = 1
# of times I've cheated = 0 unless we include emotional cheating in which case a regrettable, learned from, won't again repeat #=2
# of people I have slept beside and felt that calm, safe feeling of being wrapped in another's arms = 3

Of this all, I will say I have spent the majority of adulthood in a relationship of varying seriousness and that these in-between periods of dating or being single or trying different arrangements out are hard. I am still learning. Relationships are hard too and being hurt is no fun. All things end except the one that doesn't.

I'm here looking to be playful and have fun but in the context of either only friendship or only in partnerships / dating / insert label here (or skip it) where each believes what we have may not be finite and enter into things from a place where commitment is on the table. Add to that emotional availability that comes in a form I can decipher as mind-reading is a skill I find one doesn't improve at or least, I am no better at reading how people feel who do not say or somehow show / tell. So the deal is no deal there anymore. Note: this is unrelated to validating my personhood which I am self confident & renders a mute point. I value truth, honesty and being demon* free and similarly game for something significant, or the possibility of it.

9) I know that no matter how busy, even in the months of 100 hour weeks, I could make the time for something if I really wanted to (within reason). So, I will never use my lack of free time as an excuse to not see a person I am with. I ask the same in return.

*demons= demons like fear or past rejections or personalities or game playing as a current tactic, please take the time to deal with these first. I really have put the effort and spent time feeling sucky at dealing with my demons and stand ready. Contact me once you feel ready too, if you want to contact me at all. And know that I hope you do, really.

Onto the next placeholders.....
What I’m doing with my life
I laugh everyday. Often at myself by myself.
And by laugh I mean the doubled over, cannot breath good kind.
And would love to laugh even more.

I wrap my arms around the world, swallowing the harsh and the humbling and the beauty. I carry with me the goodness and take in all the grace I can giving all I can of it to others.

"Between two waves of the sea (a moment), costing nothing less than everything"
Inhale & taking it all in
Exhale and letting it all go
Repeat.
I’m really good at
I cannot say how good I am at these but this is the path I am on. A path I'm looking for in others, equally.

The list version.
-Feeling. Aware of my feelings and where they come from and
Sharing how I feel about you. (Believing its wonderful to be told the good things you see in yourself, in another person and about this life/this here & now world.)
-Saying what I mean.
-Sticking to what matters.
-Exploring how to have fun and keeping a playful vibe always.
-Doing no harm to the best of my ability.
-Being honest even when that's hard.
-----
More literally-
-List making. see here.
-Book altering.
-Podcast listening.
-Not speaking on Mondays & sticking to it.
-Painting. Abstracts only. Feeling free. Often throwing away the result.
-Taking pictures that tell stories.
The first things people usually notice about me
I have been gathering data in order to answer this question. Responses have included:
- deep brown eyes
- soulful eyes
- dimples
- toned physique // runner build
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
if i attempted to list my favorites this would become long fast. So, picking 3-4 each.

book-
any by murakami, poe, kaftka; "perks of being a wallflower"

movie-
starring Robert Downey Jr. (yes, attractive but that's not why, it's bc he can act and his irony and personality aligns with what I find sexy), or Edward Norton minus the attractive part. also, "the fountain".

shows-
six feet under; carnivale; twin peaks; always sunny; sex & the city
these days - my roku opened me up to the world that is cable tv, an American staple from which I've been removed for 12 years. I admit I have been watching "the good wife"

music-
my record store working years make this one the hardest.
mono (japan)
radiohead (kidA/Amnesiac years)
elliott smith
the microphones
max richter & clint mansell (avant garde classical)
sigur ros (minus last couple years)
(I heart my friends in Mount Moriah)
lately - the xx, banks, phosphorescent

The song: Songs for Zula by phosphorescent.

I love to make mix tapes. I still burn CDs of mixes for people. Or, caved in and will do the same modern style by sharing a spotify playlist composed.
--- and will do so upon request----
Apart from all else (aka if not interested in me in any other way than this). I welcome anyone to write me if you want a mix and are game for sharing yours with me.
The six things I could never do without
1-the sea. the edge of land & sea, sea & sky. to feel small and feel the earths abounding beauty.
... to the waves and the wonder of surfing and those moments of bliss when the self and the sea come together.

2-paint brush & music playing
....& the imaginings & insights inspired.

3-trails & running + country roads & biking

4- yoga & a beginners mind. breathing. present. keep me in check & push me.

5) hope. to sustain me being me.
possibility. doors opening. believing. for humanity.

6) love. loving. loved.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
see mary oliver poems. the things she speaks of.....
On a typical Friday night I am
Last version: Yoga and kirtan then typically cooking dinner with a friend; saying hello to my cat, Snowflake; then maybe making art or on occasion going out. I like to go to bed early to go to the Farmer's market Saturday mornings.

Lately: Doing what's hot in Durham, a discovery process in this new city that is still ongoing. Join me. Same thing though w the farmer's market the next morning, splitting time between the one in Carrboro and Durham's. (too many friends made in Carrboro that I have to go back and visit - a woodworker, potter, basket weaver, evergreen tree/shrub vendor, etc.)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Warning: this is for real private or the part of me usually revealed later or not at all. If this is a dealbreaker for you, I think that says more about you than me and honestly, I'd rather you not contact me anyway.
-------------------------
Not something one "posts" elsewhere:
I am unable to run most if not all days now due to a chronic health issue. I acquired a weird array of neurological symptoms after acquiring typhus in Thailand and it's decision to call my brain home, long overstaying it's welcome. That was 7 yrs ago. Run many miles in years 2-6 since...up to 10 / day and raced again even, albeit slower than my UNC track days.

**Private part:
Runner since I was 5.
Greatest love.
Miss it everyday...surprisingly hasn't waned with time.
Wonder if it ever will.**

So, also admit coaching running for several of these last years one of the hardest and yet, more rewarding to see joy of women's faces when finished race than my greatest accomplishment. If unclear why coaching was hard, ask yourself why that might be.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 27–42
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating
You should message me if
I believe the distance between two people is infinity.

I am unsure lately of what to say in this section.
So, you decide.

Here is what I can tell you
I am kind and embrace goodness. I give myself those in my life fully and without expectation of return. I also hold people accountable to what they say and do. I am honest and you'll know how I feel without having to wonder or ask. I am fiercy loyal to those close to me. I decided to trust and respect others unless there arises a reason to lose it. I am happy. I am layered and some feel I am hard to know. That may me true but, I also can say that what you see is the real and the whole of me being me. I am past changing myself to be liked or holding back as the games go just as I am done with drama from me or others. Neither are interesting or maybe I just no longer am interested.

I like to play, to do things that apparently surprise. I am open to being asked to join in your fun adventure and be surprised back. I am loving and happy and strong and independent. Grace and beauty are qualities I seek to find in my day to day happenings and walkabouts. I cannot say I am beautiful and full of grace but I can say I try to inhabit that which I see in the world and, in my own way, exude this beauty and grace & share it with those I interact.

I believe I am worth it. I believe this is something that took me a long time to stand behind and say. And something I feel is an important way of feeling towards oneself that I look for in another. It'd be a mistake to read the above as me saying that I am perfect or right or over-assertive / overconfident. Rather, I am simply secure in who I am and self-aware as to speak to the fact I am worth your time. Whether after meeting a few times we felt it worth continuing to spend time together matters more on this living between-ness created called "us".

I dare you to write and stay open and see.
I will respond to all personal, thoughtful messages.
Do know your message is welcome.

And many thanks for reading.
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