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34 Baltimore, MD Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 22-45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 11:52am
Open relationship
Relationship Type
Strictly non-monogamous
5' 4" (1.63m)
Body Type
Special Diet
Atheism and it’s important
Dropped out of University
Doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them
Has cats
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Hello. Throughout my life I've been a musician, carpenter, brother, son, runner, bicylist, rigger, performer, model, party promoter, friend, and lover. I'm happy to say that I'm still many of those things. My hobbies include but aren't limited to party hosting, mobile technology, video games, bicycling, camping, and meeting new friends. Core parts of my self identity include being kind, generous, thoughtful, compassionate, funny, and adventurous.

Time for me is often best spent for me in learning about myself, my desires, needs, wants, and values, often by reading, writing, talking with friends and loved ones. I'm curious about the world around us and how I fit in it. It's a terrific and terrifying time to be alive, isn't it?

I used to say that I'm slow to open up but that seems to be less and less the case. Quoting a friend, "I'm an open book, just not everything is published." As I get older, I find I'm more likely to open up readily with new people that I meet. It's that sort of personal interaction and bonding outside of Facebook Like's, trimming content down to 140 characters, reblogs, and +1's that I find myself appreciating more and more. That said, when I feel the need for alone time, it's probably for a good reason. I often say that I'm an introvert that's good at faking it. Myers-Briggs says I'm an ESTJ. Meh. Decision making processes often make me channel my inner Vulcan.

I've spent approximately the past five years immersing myself in the Baltimore/DC BDSM/Fetish/kink community. It has felt like home for about that long but recently dissatisfaction with the subculture as a whole has helped me look outside our small, insular world. Previously, I've been extremely involved to the point that I barely knew any vanilla folks. Maybe it's just that the grass is greener, but I'd like a more eclectic and diverse mix of people in my life now. I'd hesitate at this point to call it a "lifestyle" but it's definitely a very key part of my sexuality and nothing I'd consider giving up right now.

My usual preference is cis women and individuals who are generally gender non-normative; In general, I prefer people who are a feminine and/or androgynous, especially if it's a conscious presentation and not just subscribed to as what society expect based on one's assumed chromosomes. If you have sexy hair, delicious smelling armpits, and can actually hold a conversation, you could be high up on my list. Stealing a term from a lover of mine, I've found that I'm fairly conversation-sexual. I can certainly find people attractive from a distance but there won't be attraction until we talk. I can't put my finger on any tangible reasons for it, but I often find myself attracted to women that are Jewish. Certainly nothing I fetishize or even actively look for. There's just a strong chance that if I'm into you, you might just be one of the chosen people.

What I look for in a partner is first and foremost kindness. I'm a better listener than talker, so finding the balance of conversation cadence is important. Finding an organic path for a relationship to emerge as opposed to having a predetermined route for how a dynamic between individuals will play out has suited me well over the years. Overall, I've noticed that I have a pattern of attracting and being attracted to intelligent, gorgeous, sub-oriented switches with unique or interesting gender expressions, but that lean towards a femme presentation.

Deal breakers? Hard to say, as I bet I could find exceptions to almost all these but I'll start with smoking, heavy drinking/drug use, monogamy, strong associations with most churches, Republican/Libertarian political viewpoints, nonconsensual misogyny, goal-oriented mindsets towards relationships, Men's Rights Movement association, and possessiveness.

Gender identity used to be a little complicated. "Man" is most accurate at this point but labels are especially unappealing for me personally, which I readily concede is a sizable privilege to have. "Demiguy" and "Guydyke" used to catch my fancy but never stuck. I had a flirtatious encounter with ID'ing as Genderqueer for a bit before arriving back at a more binary identificaiton. I used to self-ID as a feminist, then a masculist. Now I just say that I care about gender equality. It doesn't need to be in any movements name. It just needs to happen.

Like many here, OKC's limited selection of orientation options make "bisexual" the most accurate choice here. The only identification I'm comfortable keeping at the moment is "Queer". Basically the idea of dating a straight, vanilla, monogamous woman is pretty laughable at this point. Pronouns of choice are he/him/his or they/them/theirs. Dating a man? The chances are pretty slim, as I've never met anyone that identifies as a man that I've felt any romantic pull towards. Anything is possible, but please don't count on being my exception.

Wow, that all sounded way more narcissistic than I intended.

I am Friendly, Interesting, and Creative
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
*Newsflash* - I got a new job/change of career! Voluntarily! I'm working for a non-profit in Baltimore and have been enjoying it greatly.

I very much enjoy living in Baltimore and can't really think of anywhere else that I'd rather call home right now. Occasionally, I'll find myself making a trip up to NYC just for a different experience, as it is very different from Baltimore. Similarly for DC.

Lately I've been questioning the principles of Capitalism and where our country is going. Also, I'm taking up pole dancing. No, those two subjects are not related. What is related is that I've vastly improved my diet by transitioning to veganism, am pretty much a bicycle evangelist at this point, and have been car-free for about a year now. If you are into bicycling, especially long distances (current record 136.4 miles in a single day trip), please let me know :)

Despite my screen name, I don't really identify as a musician anymore. I've come to a point in my life where I've stopped treating music as a potential career and is now more of a hobby. It's one of the best decisions I've ever made. It's far more fulfilling for me to be a music fan than a struggling musician. Being able to find the perspective to put down a former dream but still enjoy it for all the things I used to enjoy about it show me that I've come a long way since being a teenager. As well as show me that the road ahead of me should always be thought provoking and full of self evaluation. Ideally, it will also contain lots of love from the people important to me and filled with the good times and great memories with them. I'm extremely fortunate to have such amazing people in my life.

Speaking of, I'm currently involved with three people that I consider to be partners. Yes, everyone knows about it, and everyone is free to date others as well. I have other important people in my life that are more fleeting or more casual, mostly due to distance.

In my self-explorations of polyamory, I found that I was neglecting to watch out for myself and be the partner that my partner/s deserved. I'm learning more everyday about what makes me tick and what I want out of life. It's truly a great feeling and to feel confident that I deserve that is even better. I currently have three people that I consider active partners in my life, I've decided that I want to focus on making new friends that I'm not fucking and those that I do fuck should have some kind of emotional investment. Previously, I wanted to be wanted. Now I'd prefer to be valued.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Bringing out the best in people
Social networking
Rope Bondage
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I originally thought it'd be my height (yeah, I was right) or maybe even my butt (it's been getting rave reviews lately) so I decided to ask Facebook this question and got some of the following responses -

That I carry a "Satchel" (I'm fine with Murse)
My witty charm
Confidence in my smile
Fashion style & sense of humor
My eyes
My "magnetic energy"
My height.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: I greatly prefer non-fiction. My favorite book of all time is the Guinness Book of World Records. I just love useless facts that are still amazing in their own context. A book that actually changed my life was aptly titled "How Music Really Works".

Movies: Anything by Quentin Tarantino, kung fu movies, The Dark Knight, The Matrix, V For Vendetta, Black Snake Moan, Rent, Spirited Away, Boondock Saints, Spirited Away, Fight Club (yes, Fight Club), Sin City, Shortbus, 12 Monkeys, anything with a unique plotline. Romantic comedies need not apply. Basically, if the trailer shows zero detail of the plot, I'll probably have no interest. I'm also open to watching good anime. (Update: all the documentaries and TED Talks, please).

TV - Netflix queue? Does that actually count?

Music: Like a sizable number of white suburban kids who grew up in the 90's I liked most things with distorted guitar, loud drums and angry vocals. I'm currently expanding my market in seeking out genres I wouldn't give the time of day to (typically music from the first half of the 20th century) including jazz, blues, samba, Latin music, reggae, etc. I have to really be in the mood for Electronically. Overall, my biggest requirements for enjoying a piece of music is that its written well and performed well. Sounds easy but its really not that easy.

Food: I'm currently in the process of starting to follow a diet/lifestyle. Good thing I never really learned to cook, I'd have to unlearn lots of things too. Generally speaking, spicy is good, but only if flavor is still there and not just heat.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My bicycle
Iced coffee
Lip balm
My smartphone
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Where we've come from. Where we're going. What it will take to start solving the world's problems instead of making them worse. You know, uplifting stuff like that.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Possibilities include but aren't limited to hanging out with friends, at a kink party, biking around Baltimore (Baltimore Bike Party!) and people watching. Up to no good.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm a polyamorous queer that is into BDSM and identify as a dominant leaning switch who loves bondage and spends more time on Fetlife and Tumblr (and twitter) than I'd care to admit.

so much alternativeness I can has.

Grammar and sentence structure sometimes gets the best of me. I'm far more embarrassed about this fact rather than the above mentioned one.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You've read this whole thing. Good job! Also, if I haven't scared you off yet. It happens some times...true story.

By now, you probably know if you want to message me. You probably already know if I'll message back. Go for it.

If you do decide to message me, we have an exchange, and I fall off the face of the earth, please write me back. I've likely just let my inbox lap and have been progressively worse at prompt responses on this site. My apologies.

If for a first date you want to go biking together on one of Baltimore's trails for an hour or two, show or tell me about your favorite places in the city, and end up at an eatery where we can actually have a healthy meal together that didn't cost a fortune, you should definitely message me.

P.S. - Casual sex doesn't mean random sex (for me). It's more FwB. Look at that first letter. F is for friendship. Let's work on that first, k?